My son is nearly 3 and still wakes several times a night – when does this usually stop?

[Laurzz]

He wakes 2–3 times every night looking for comfort.

He gets out of bed and comes through shouting for “mummy” or “daddy”. We take him back to his bed, but it often means sitting in his room for up to half an hour each time until he falls asleep again. At bedtime he goes down with no issues at all and is often asleep within five minutes of his head hitting the pillow. He’s had the same bedtime routine since he was 3 weeks old bath, milk and bed at 8pm. He’s dropped all naps now, apart from the occasional 30 minutes if we’re in the car.

I know to some this probably sounds pretty good going, but we both work full time and are only getting around 4 hours sleep a night. I do the night wakes Monday–Thursday and my partner does Friday–Sunday which I’m grateful for but I sleep very lightly until he comes back to bed. Sometimes I feel like the only one dealing with this as other mums with children a similar age keep telling me theirs have slept 7–7 from very early on 🙃. Please tell me I’m not the only one with a nearly 3 year old who still wakes at night and that I won’t be sitting on his bedroom floor forever… 😅

And if anyone has any tips or things that helped at this age, I’m all ears!

My lovely first health visitor said 'Do whatever you have to to get the most sleep for everyone.' Four children later, her advice saved my sanity. Get a king-size bed and bed share. It won't be forever but it'll get you through this stage intact.

Mine still wakes! I just lift him into my bed - i know its a bad habit but have older girls too so know it will pass and that feels easier to do then get up several times and sit on his room

I think with my others or got better around age 5

Probably not what you want to hear, but my 4.5 year old still wakes at 11ish and comes into our bed. His 2yo sister is fine in her own bed. Same parenting, very different personalities!

One of mine was almost 5 - second Co sleeping at least for part of the night - the other who slept through at 10 months was much more problematic again by school age and was in and out of my bed for years - it’s the easiest way to all sleep

I’m 40 and I still wake 3 times a night so I have no idea 🤣🤣

Our 4 year old occasionally comes into our room at night and has done since he was littler. It's not every night like you experience, and we let him stay in the bed if it's almost morning or one of us will just go and sleep in his bed, rather than sit awake with him until we can return to our own bed. I think if he woke more than once, I'd give in and go for the path of least resistance!

Honestly in your case I'd buy the biggest bed possible (ours is UK King - European Queen I think? - and I would like bigger) and just embrace the possibility of him coming in your bed.
Or set his bed up for an adult to join. Our son has a double bed.
If he's a massive fidgeter, a bit like ours, it's hard to get sleep when he's in the bed. We've had success with setting up a little cosy den bed for him in your room if you have space. We've done this in the past and our son slept like a brick - just a futon on the floor near our bed with some cuddly toys, blanket and pillow - and he felt comforted knowing we were altogether but we also had our own bed space.

Whatever the case, he won't come into your room forever:) little ones just want to be near their parents.

get a double bed on the floor in his room and either you or your partner sleep with him.
so much easier !

I had one dd who slept 7-7 from 12 weeks in her own bed (bar illness / teething etc). Then two more who just will not sleep unless in my bed and even then wake multiple times needing to be cuddled or breastfed etc. I’m typing this with a 3 year old falling asleep in my bed now as I’ve abandoned attempts to get him sleeping through in his own in favour of just getting as much sleep as I can. Sleep is the one thing I can’t cope without so I’ve ended up doing whatever it takes to protect my sleep and reduce the soul destroying middle of the night wake ups/ sitting on their bedroom floor antics.

It does make you feel so much better knowing you’re not the only one, doesn’t it 😂.

My partner has been very anti co-sleeping as well, but even he admitted last week that if we sort a decent mattress for the spare room, one of us can sleep in there and our son can come in with the other. The last few months have really taken their toll, so we might have to admit defeat for the sake of everyone’s sleep.

I think I’d built it up in my head this is something everyone else has cracked with these little sleep angels, so it’s genuinely reassuring to hear honest experiences. Looks like a new mattress is going to be our next purchase 😅

😂😂 This honestly made me laugh. So basically there’s no hope for any of us then!

My eldest was 5 and at school before that happened. Very similar, went to sleep easily, but couldn't stay asleep for more than a short period.

13 years of parenting and there is very little I have cracked lol its just surviving and appreciating how much kids love you.

We bought a superking recently for the extra space - but my son just lyes sideways now so DH usually sleeps elsewhere lol

Not sure if this will make you feel better or worse DS had only really stopped in the last 6 months or so, he's 9. He still occasionally comes in but not multiple times and every night thank goodness.

He does have ADHD which does cause sleep problems you do have to ignore what everyone else is doing and do whatever keeps your sanity just remember night is a scary time and it's natural for children to feel unsettled and want to be with the people who give them comfort even if they can't express that.

Mine went through a phase of this. After the first wake I'd just get in his bed and sleep there. I don't consider it a bad habit at all. For some reason, developmentally or emotionally, he needed me so I was happy to provide that comfort. I feel like it helps him understand that I'll be there when he needs me and it it makes him feel safe to get through the phase he's in. If one of us was in the bed he'd sleep much better at this stage. A few months later, he's sleeping through again. I did the same with my daughter and it went the same way.
Don't make it hard for yourself is my advice!

Ours is the same, we have a trundle bed and just pull it out and lie next to him when he wakes. If whoever is settling him falls asleep in there then so be it!

My son is three in a couple of months and has just started sleeping through the night (hope I don’t jinx it here).

He was waking two - four times a night and a lot of the time we would just co sleep to get through.

Anyway about a month ago he was the same as normal on the Saturday night and slept with me. Then on the Sunday, slept through, and has pretty much slept through every night since. I know he may go backwards again but it feels like such a breakthrough.

So just to give you some hope it could be just round the corner.

Sorry to say this but DD kept this up until nearly 7. We had all kinds of sleeping arrangements over the years, from a mattress on the floor next to our bed (outgrew that) to me sleeping on the floor in her room to alternating co sleeping with either of us. It eventually became less and seems to have tapered off. Now she occasionally mentions waking up at night or not having slept well but she doesn't wake us up anymore.

I think it’s pretty normal to wake overnight, lots of adults do it, the only difference is they’re able to put themselves back to sleep. I know my 4YO definitely does because I put him to bed with a full water bottle and come morning it’s mostly empty. I know you say he’s asleep quickly at bedtime but is he on his own or do you sit with him? If you do stay maybe something to start moving away from because if he’s not falling asleep on his own at 7pm when sleep pressure is highest there’s no way you can expect him to do it at 3am. That, a nightlight and the water bottle sorted it for us. Otherwise you might just need to give it time. If your partner isn’t on board with cosleeping but you’re all desperate for more sleep putting a little mattress on the floor of your room could be a solution so he can come sleep in the room with you for comfort but you don’t need to get and he isn’t in the bed with you.

Both of my kids wake every night. Youngest is 6 I cld count in one hand how many times she has made it through the night without waking. She comes through and climbs in the middle and that’s her there until morning. I did try last Easter to get her bk to her bed. She screamed the house down until we were all awake. I gave up after a few days. She sleeps well once she’s with us. Problem is at 6 she’s now quite big in the bed even with a kingsize.

My eldest is, 8 she wakes most nights comes through for a cuddle and will go bk to her bed when I ask. Sometimes if she’s had a bad dream I’ll go bk in with her, well until youngest realises I’m gone 🙈 she then comes and gets me to go bk again.

In your position I would let him in your bed. At least u will all get decent sleep.

Both my DC took until 4 to sleep through but one needed their adenoids out (and slept through 2 weeks after the op)

DC is 7 - still wakes up calling for me 5 nights out of 7. I just go & sleep on the pull out bed underneath theirs - quicker than trying to get them back to sleep & then me going back to my bed. I'm hoping they'll grow out of it one day!!

We put a camp bed in our room and explained that he could get into at any point but he couldn’t make us up. Making us up meant back to his room. Saved my life. He continued to come into our room until he was 7.

My 3.5 year old usually sleeps through. I don't usually hear much from him unless he needs help getting his duvet and pillow back in the right place. I just pop in and sort them, say goodnight and leave again. Have you tried an earlier bedtime? If they're overtired they struggle to stay asleep. Just an idea :)

I did have my fair share of night wakes for the first couple of years of his life but luckily I've been getting more sleep now he's dropped his nap and knows how to get himself to sleep at the start of the night!

I found mine was a terrible sleeper 18m - 2.5. Started waking up having not done much previously!! Nearly 4 now and they only wake if poorly or nightmare. Maybe once a week or ten days… in your shoes I’d be going a bit insane.. why are they actually waking? X

We did try a night light before, just a plain one, no patterns or reflections but he actually preferred the room completely dark. I can’t even remember how we figured that out now!

It’s interesting what you said about sitting with him while he falls asleep, because that’s exactly what we do every night at 8pm. We just sit there in the dark and I’ll be honest, I never really thought of that as a potential issue… but when you explain it like that, it does make sense.

We’re fortunate to get the very occasional night off when he stays with his grandparents, but he doesn’t sleep for them either, even in a travel cot in the same room.

At this point, co-sleeping might actually be the saviour 😅