Really struggling

[Stefka]

My DS is seven and a half months and his sleep has always been crap. I thought things were getting a bit better and I was getting a four hour stretch which felt like heaven! That's all gone out the window again. Last night went like this:

7pm - feed to sleep
7:30pm - rock to sleep
10:30pm - feed to sleep
11pm - rock to sleep
1am- feed to sleep
3am - feed to sleep
5am - feed to sleep
6am - up for the day

I feel horrific and quite depressed. I do not want to leave him to cry. I have also tried the no cry sleep solution but he just ended up being totally awake in the middle of the night and I would be up for more than an hour at a time. The feeding takes about fifteen minutes. I don't know what to do.

"I do not want to leave him to cry"

Either he will cry because you decide he is now old enough to stop feeding to sleep - or you will cry because you are so tired.

Sadly IMO it is one or the other. Others may disagree.

There will be plenty of people on here in a minute to give you some ideas.

My only one (which you prob won't find helpful!) is that he must learn to fall asleep on his own so all the rocking and feeding must stop before his sleep improves.

And if you stop doing it he will complain loudly.

I dont think I'm going to be much help Stefka but just wante to acknowledge your post and offer you lots of sympathy as I do know from experience that slep depravation is the pits! Someone will be along who has more experience I am sure but in the meantime I have just one thought...

what are your movements when DS wakes up? I only ask as I remember seeing a reality TV programme where the lady was complaining about how difficult it was to get her baby back to sleep when he woke in the night but then you saw her turning the light on full brightness when she entered the room and talking in her normal loud voice, not very condusive to getting the little one back to sleep. I'm sure you're not doing that but it's the only relevant thing I can think off. Sorry.

No lights once he is in bed. I don't take him out of his room except on a couple of occasions when he has been ill and I brought him in with us. I don't talk to him - just plug him on the boob! DH does the rocking before he goes to bed - we take turns.

The odd thing is that we have both seem him self settle. He just rolls on to his side or pulls his blanket over his face and can go to sleep. I guess he just doesn't understand that he can do it.

If it was me, I'd go with gagarin's idea although I'm sure it will be very hard. Have you tried letting him cry for a bit? As gagarin suggests, your DS crying himself to sleep and learning to settle himself or you getting so tired that you cry during the day when you want to be looking after your DS. They are your two options. I'd try letting DS cry for a bit myself.

My DH did leave him to cry it out one time when I was very ill. It was horrible. The next day my son was so clingy - cried every time I left the room. He also freaked out when he was near his cot and we couldn't even put him in it. I spent ages playing with him in his cot for five minutes a day so he felt ok in it again. I really don't want his cot to be a negative place for him.

Stefka I had the same night as you last night too. My head really hurts today and I'm a bit upset tbh. My DD is 8.5mo and it has only been the odd night that she has managed a 4-6 hour stretch.

I don't want to leave her to cry either because I did that with my DS (now 4yo) and I regret it. I did controlled crying and looking back it was pretty horrible.

So I don't know what to do either but just wanted to let you know you are not alone!

Stefka hang in there!

DS is now 11 months and was soooooo tough at that age. He improved between 5 and 7 months then seemed to take a huge leap back around 8-9 months and we were kept awake constantly. In hindsight I suspect teeth (multiple, trying to erupt at once) were to blame. I was on my knees.

I'm not sure about your feelings on co-sleeping, but I would seriously consider it if I were you. It's a sanity-saver. DS goes into his cot at bedtime and is resettled in it if required before we go to bed. If (if? ha! when) he wakes thereafter he is brought in with us - has a feed and goes back to sleep. There were some nights during that bad spell when he woke and couldn't settle, even in our bed and being fed, so we took turns rocking, shushing, feeding, Calpoling, and generally trying to keep it together until he got back off to sleep an hour or two later.

He's coming through it now and his sleep's been a bit better the last month or so, and I'm feeling a bit human again. You only get more tired as time goes on though, don't you? Much sympathy and as far as the NCSS goes, if it's causing you stress jack it in and Do What Works for a few nights until you've had some rest.

Perhaps he freaked out because he didn't want to go to bed in his cot and be left alone.

But you don't have to leave him alone.

You can do the "no getting out of the cot; no feeds and no rocking" without leaving him alone. You sit by the cot and put your hand on his back/front and say "shhh, night night".

It takes a long time and lots of will power but you can do it. You are not cruel for not giving in. If he wanted chocolate pudding to go back to sleep you'd say no and mean it - and I bet he would have chocolate pudding given half a chance!

What I'm trying to say is that there are limits to everything and IMO you cannot bring a child up by meeting their every want and desire.

But you can meet their every need.

And your ds needs a good night's sleep and a mum who is human in the morning.

Good luck with whatever you try.

Stefka, is my son cloned and living with you? Sounds like you're having the same hard time we are.

Mckenzie - lol re that lady turning the light on. I was so determined last night not to turn the light on to wake DS even further that when I was forced to change his wet sleepsuit, I couldn't see what I was doing. Was wrestling with a screaming and tired infant trying to dress him with the sleepsuit on the wrong way. Had one arm in an arm hole and one arm in the foot!