17 months old wakes multiple times at night

[ZankaMum]

HELP! - 17 months old
I am exhausted... My 17 months old treats me like a dummy at night. I feel like breastfeeding has created this sleeping attachment which I can't stop. My girl and I co-sleep because it's my survival technique. I have no energy to be back and forth between my bed and hers. She wakes every 2h or so for some comfort latch. Sometimes she sleeps 3h, sometimes 1h...until she needs my help to get back to sleep. Usually she carries on sleeping within minutes as long as she has me and my breast to latch on. She is not hungry or thirsty. We have one 1-2h long nap during the day. She absolutely wouldn't sleep with her dad, the screaming is unbearable - she cries so much she almost chokes. Sleep training isn't for me as we did try it and I cant accept her crying this bad.
Will this ever get better? Some people say that as soon as she is older to talk to... some people also said as soon as I stop breastfeeding.
I am exhausted and very down so hoping for some positivity please.

You poor thing. I bedshared from birth with both of mine. I night weaned at around 14 months and it made a huge difference to the quality of sleep. I still bedshared, but after a few nights they would accept cuddles and strokes as comfort to quickly go back to sleep, and within a week or two were waking much less. Within a month they would sleep through. I didn't do any sleep training, just stopped boob at night (still fed in the day) and offered whatever reassurance and comfort they would accept at night. The first two nights they were both pretty pissed off to not have boob, but I was there with them and they were able to understand that we didn't have boob at night any more, even if they didn't initially like that plan!

Thank you for saying this! How did you stop breastfeeding at night? Did you have a lot of crying and kicking and everything? How did you do the night time because my girl is very difficult when it comes to sleeping and she falls asleep whilst breastfeeding if I pick the right time. Nothing else works... my husband gets a huge resistance, screaming, choking, she doesn't settle at all.

Mine is 14 months and I am working to reduce breastfeeds at night, but for now, we're still co-sleeping some of the night. I've had to be out at some bedtimes recently, and it has actually helped with my husband settling her because I'm not there - so that might be worth a try. There is no guarantee that stopping BF will help sleep - it does for some toddlers but not others. I've also started saying no to breastfeeds during the day, and i think it has helped with saying no at night as she is more used to it not always being given. I still offer cuddles / pats at night, and offer cows milk / snacks / distraction in the day. We have had tears at night but TBH she was getting to the point where she'd feed at night, and then still cry! Unfortunately you might just have to persevere - it is really hard but if you are there with her providing cuddles, your voice, perhaps some water in case she is thirsty, she is safe and will understand eventually. You could continue to co-sleep.

Oh mine would be FURIOUS if my husband tried to get them to settle. So I did it by feeding to sleep at actual bedtime, and then when they woke in the night I offered water (rejected) and cuddles. Both really liked me drawing on their backs with my finger so I'd lie them down on their tummies and draw if they weren't kicking around. If they were kicking and thrashing I just lay down and said to come for a cuddle when they were ready and remind them I was there periodically and they would come over after a while. And then I'd draw on their backs. I also used to take up an emergency banana because if they stayed cross for an extended period in the night sometimes they actually were hungry and a boring banana fixed that issue. And once they got used to cuddles and strokes and drawing to sleep my husband was also able to get them to sleep. Good luck!

It may sound crazy but have you tried talking to her in the daytime when the pressure is off? Explain that you need to sleep on your own because you are very, very tired. Ask what you can both do to make it easier for her to sleep.

At 17 mos she should be able to listen to you and understand - they are surprisingly clever - and she may even be able to use her words to say what's important to her at night. At that age, both of mine could communicate fairly well: they could say what they wanted, albeit simply and directly, and they could understand directions and mostly follow them.

With both of mine, we moved them into their own room sometime after 6mos when they stopped night feeding and I stopped BF at 12mos both times. Many other threads on here observe that babies/toddlers/children do need to work out for themselves how to fall back asleep.

I had this issue with my daughter until I stopped breastfeeding at 18 months. I put cabbage leaves in my bra to dry up my milk, we had no fighting or tears at bedtime, she completely accepted it and from there onwards we both slept well.
I'm now going through the same with my 10 month old. I hope to do the same and dry up my milk when he turns 1, although I have a feeling I may wait a little longer until he's able to understand a bit better.
I think at 17 months you could do it.

Can totally sympathise, went through exactly the same with both my children. With DD1 I fought it, tried hard to stop bf, went back and forth between her and my bed all night, genuinely felt like i couldn't survive any longer. 2nd time around, i just went with it, got her a double bed so i just slept with her, she helped herself to milk during the night, meant we both got a decent sleep. Just before her 3rd birthday I explained she was a big girl now and there was no more milk, she seemed to just accept it at that point and is now a dream sleeper.
I know it is bloody tough though, I tried many times around 18 months to stop bf and failed, it just meant we got even less sleep as she would just scream until I eventually gave in and fed her then because she was so upset and tired she would feed even more

You are right - I did try talking to her and saying "milk all gone" when she demands during the day, as well as saying to sleep on her own which she does understand but she objects and I haven't done anything in particular yet to stop breastfeeding at night. I did ask her to sleep on her own and I always try asking and saying it before I let her latch on but it hasn't been working

Thank you! This is also what I have been told by others- to wait until she is older enough to explain to her the situation. Sadly, people who give me this advice havent breastfed or gone through similar problems so I wasnt sure if I should even consider their opinion. I did try a few times other techniques to help her sleep but it didnt work and the screaming wouldn't stop. She arches her back, kicks ans chokes and nothing calms her down so I don't know if I should wait or just persevere with the crying which kills me

Do you have any tips for stopping the feeds?

Thank you, I suppose I have two choices, either wait until I can speak to her or try now but try harder... I usually give up when she starts crying so much she almost chokes... nothing seems working to calm her down. Sometimes music or a screen would help yo get her attention but that's it and not every time, singing, cuddles, rocking, nothing

Sorry I don't have any tips, I just dried my milk up so it simply wasn't available anymore. From there on, I just laid and cuddled with her until she fell asleep. I may have got lucky with how she accepted it, I'm hoping it's that easy again with my ds when the time comes.

You just need to let your husband get on with it.

We recently switched my dd (14 months) to a floorbed and stopped feeding to sleep. My dh took her up and lay with her until she fell asleep. It was about 30 minutes of crying the first night, but she was safe and with a loving parent, and now she goes to sleep just fine for either of us. It's so liberating and I love that he can do bedtime now.

We tried but it was 2h of crying, 2h of sleep and waking up with crying then no sleep until 4am ...

You just need to persevere. She will get it and probably sooner than you think.

Hi! I have a 20 month old and have only recently been able to put him to sleep at night with a dummy, holding him and some music. We co-sleep but I can usually put him down when he falls asleep and have a couple of hours on the sofa watching tv etc. He does still latch on at night so I have to work on that bit next, then I guess I will have a dummy problem!
I’m hoping it will help him sleep better once he is weaned as he wakes up lots still.
We are also getting a floor bed soon.
You are definitely not alone!

OP I sympathise but just to allay any fears - she ain’t going to choke. She is upset and angry and behaves like this because it means she will get what she wants.

I was told by the midwife once to never allow a breastfed baby to fall asleep on the breast at night cause they would never be able to fall asleep on their own as the didn't know how. I thought this was ridiculous and also I didn’t care as baby went to sleep but the are kinda right. It gets worse as the get okder.

You need to break the bond between comfort sucking and sleeping. Offer a beaker if toddler wants to feed at night. Don’t offer breasts - you can still breastfeed but for feeding onky - not for comfort sucking or soothing. I know it’s mega hard but an 18 month old needs to learn to self soothe (you can be with them) and fall asleep without a breast. Good luck.