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Father & Husband Asking For Help (or if I am giving enough support!)

2 replies

Dharma01 · 11/12/2025 12:00

Dear All,

Firstly, allow me to thank you for even taking the time to read & consider this post. In the run up to Christmas and with general day-to-day busyness I know listening to someone else wang on is tough!

I'm not clued up either on the acronyms so forgive me further - just seeking some advice really.
I'm a Father of 2, M is 2.5yrs & A is 9 months. The little lad is causing us some real grief lately with a sleep pattern of goung down at 7pm & waking at 10.30pm, Midnight then 5am.

I think the advice factor is how I can best help & support my wife - also, we do give him a bottle during the night, and I prepare those.My wife is quite dogmatic in thinking that only she can give him the bottle as only she can put him down. Trust me when I say I offer daily to do the night shift and how will I learn unless I try? Etc but her response is that she would be awake anyway, because she would hear him and it's just easier and quicker for her to get him to settle.
Now obviously that sounds brilliant for me because hark, I get to stay in bed! But what comes out on the other side is a very stressed, very tired and generally broke wife and mother in the morning and other than forcing her to stay in bed or kidnapping my son so I can give her a night off, I don't really know what to do ( please take the kidnapping comment in the flippant spirit it was made).

I have said, maybe we need to look at getting someone into help us for a few hours during the day so the more menial tasks can be handled. I think sadly, what doesn't help is 42 days a week or rather two nights a week I am working three hours away, so my wife is left to handle it all.

To be clear, I want to help more, and I fully understand and appreciate that my wife is in this tunnel of routine that she feels only she can manage but I see how it is grinding her down and I just want to ease some pressure.

OP posts:
DramaQueenlady · 11/12/2025 12:26

You sound amazing. You cannot force her to accept your help. Getting someone in during the day would be ideal. Just to clean up would help your wife im sure. Remember this phase will pass. Your wee one will sleep through. Are the having a bottle each time they wake up.

Peonies12 · 11/12/2025 14:57

I do have some sympathy for your wife’s position, as Im always awake when my baby is up: but also I breastfeed baby and it gets her back to sleep quickly. She will go back to sleep for my husband but it takes longer and im awake so we decided it’s easier if I just do it. My husband will take the baby when she wakes in the morning so I can go back to sleep, at the weekend. And he does more of the cooking / life admin etc.

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