Is anyone else still bf at night with a 13-month-old? Am I an 'oddball' as one friend put it?

[ali23]

I'm really struggling with a 13-month-old who is still not sleeping and I think I need some decent advice.
I am still bf but feel that at night DD is too dependent on it to get back to sleep. I am still feeding once or twice during the night and I'm starting to get all sorts of comments from friends and family about it.
Yesterday I came home upset after lunch with friends upset because four of them insisted it was time to adopt some 'tough love'. This is a route I am not wanting to go down.
I'll try anything but I know my daughter and CC would be traumatic for both of us. It isn't an option. However, she is starting the day at 5am after a night of broken sleep and we are both absolutely shattered. Has anyone noticed improved sleep after stopping breatsfeeding? And, as my family and friends suggest, am I bonkers for still feeding a baby this age through the night? And how do you stop bf? Sorry for the ramble but I do not know which direction to head in.

My DD is nearly one and still reliant on bf to sleep including naps. she wakes frequently in the evening though can sometimes go 11-5 and will then go back to sleep.

My advice would be to separate how you're feeling and what your instincts are to the social pressures and judgements of others. In fact, until you know your own mind I'd avoid talking to friends who don't share your parenting style.

If you do decide you need to do something about it there are other options than tough love. As already mentioned, the No Cry Sleep Solution is gentle (but hasn't worked for us, so far anyway.) There are also some attachment parenting versions of controlled crying - Dr Sears says hand over to DP/DH because then they know they're safe even if not getting milk. Dr Jay Gordon does a co-sleeping version.
http:www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

Both agree that after 12 months it is safe to start trying to change your baby's sleep habits if you need to because your sleep deprivation is becoming very problematic.

I'm going to do something soon because like PhD I want to ttc and no AF. Otherwise I would carry on till she's at least two - I love bfing and will feel v sad when I have to stop for good.

Do you co-sleep? That would definitely help if you decide to carry on as you are.

I BF my 11 month old DS frequently during the night. Those that know probably do think it's daft but I'm certain it's less hassle than the alternative. Plus, with work he doesn't get the opportunities to feed in the daytime so he at least gets to fill up at night. Sometimes I know he's hungry, and after a feed he's out like a light. I don't expect him to reduce his night feeds at all in the next 6 months, to be honest.

He's a terrible sleeper but he'd be worse if I couldn't simply feed him back to sleep. I'm approaching a stage where I might have to start dealing with other people's opinions on the matter but I couldn't give a toss. I think you need to become a bit thick-skinned and insular as a family when you have a difficult baby, otherwise it's easy to have your confidence in your ability to meet your child's needs undermined by well-meaning but clueless outsiders.

I can, however, totally sympathise with the urge to do something which overcomes me every time we struggle through a patch of teething/wind/extra-wakefulness. Desperation breeds crazy thinking. Find a way to get some kip (or ride it out until it passes in a week or two) and you'll be back to feeling secure in your choices.

My DD is 14 months and feeding frequently at night. I work 3 days and in a couple of weeks time will be going back to FT I figure if she's waking she still needs to feed.

The only thing that bugs me is she does this rolling at about 4 am so I can't go back to sleep (in case she rolls out of bed). Nice to see so many others still night-feeding. I will think of you all at 4am tomorrow

Rosemary-eater - you phrased that so much more eloquently than me, but I agree with you 100%!

hear hear, IARCFB gets the Eloquent Post award for this thread...

evenhope, 4am it is then

(DS, 23m, feeds on and off from the early hours till he forces me out of bed at 6am)

sleep-deprivation-induced eloquence

I breastfeed my 13 month old DS2 during the night (as well as several feeds in the day). He goes to sleep in his cot and I bring him into our bed when he wakes (any time after 11). DOnt line CC and wouldnt attempt it.
However, I couldnt cope with the early starts you mention. If DS wakes early then I ask DH to get up with him. But we have found that perfecting the art of ignoring him very grumpily until 7 has meant that now if he wakes at 5/6 he will feed and then go back to sleep usually till 7ish. This makes all the difference.
I don't give a hoot what my friends think -am sure most of them would disapprove, but it's none of their business.

Hope this thread makes you feel less alone ali23....

Thank you! I feel so much better.
Last night was fab anyway. Only up twice and slept til 6am so I feel a bit more human today. She hadn't, however, had much sleep during the day and I wonder if this is a factor too.
Like many others on this thread, I'm at work during the day (3 days a week) and do like the closeness in the wee small hours sometimes when we are snuggled together. It's just hard sometimes when people whom you are close to, know you well and understand your philosophy can be so judgemental! Anyway, thanks for the moral support. In anything it always helps to know you're not walking the same path alone.