Is anyone else still bf at night with a 13-month-old? Am I an 'oddball' as one friend put it?

[ali23]

I'm really struggling with a 13-month-old who is still not sleeping and I think I need some decent advice.
I am still bf but feel that at night DD is too dependent on it to get back to sleep. I am still feeding once or twice during the night and I'm starting to get all sorts of comments from friends and family about it.
Yesterday I came home upset after lunch with friends upset because four of them insisted it was time to adopt some 'tough love'. This is a route I am not wanting to go down.
I'll try anything but I know my daughter and CC would be traumatic for both of us. It isn't an option. However, she is starting the day at 5am after a night of broken sleep and we are both absolutely shattered. Has anyone noticed improved sleep after stopping breatsfeeding? And, as my family and friends suggest, am I bonkers for still feeding a baby this age through the night? And how do you stop bf? Sorry for the ramble but I do not know which direction to head in.

I fed at night until 18 months - and DS was actually hungry as he'd scoff a bottle of EBM if I wasn't there, but refused water. Then when I was away for a couple of nights for work DH offered him the EBM on waking, and he obviously decided that actually he didn't want anything, and started sleeping through.

Have you read 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' ? Tis very gentle and bf friendly. Worked for us in terms of getting DS to put himself to sleep at bedtime

You are not alone. I've been down this route 4 times.

I am not able to offer sound advice because I felt the same as you about CC. In my experience, the end came when the toddler was old enough to understand explanations. I would make it clear that BF is an option during the day but not at night as we are all asleep.

I hope someone more decisive is along shortly.

You are not an odd-ball.

My son is 20 months and is still breastfeeding at night when he wants it. Some nights he sleeps right through, sometimes he doesn't. It really depends. Last night he woke up at midnight, had a little feed, and went back to sleep. It is lovely, lying in bed having a little snooze while he feeds. He often wakes up at 5am and we get back into my bed together while he feeds and I snooze.

You are not bonkers. My son, when teething or having a growth spurt, feeds more frequently. When he has a bad dream or something frightens him he feeds. Sometimes he goes right the way from 7pm to 7am.

What is right for your friends is not necessarily right for you. Go with your instincts. If you want to stop breastfeeding, then do so, but don't be forced into it by tales of "tough love."

We stopped night feeds at about 15 mo. IIRC there is another big growth spurt at 13 mo - has she got worse recently? We did use CC in the end, but we were getting DS to sleep in his vot (not our bed), not have any milk and go to bed at a reasonable hour and felt this was the quickest way to achieve all three (and least traumatic for DS). Could you try gradual retreat? Is she in your bed or her own?

I just take the view that if he wants it he probably needs it. He rarely feeds during the day.

Thanks. DD doesn't feed during the day - it's first thing in the morning and then last thing at night, and during the night too.
She sleeps in her own cot. About 5am I try to bring her in with us but she is ready to start the day by then and will cry until we get up. I had limited success with the NCSS at 5 months and still try to use some of the practices. I suspect the root cause of the problem is that she can't put herself to sleep and I have tried and tried and tried. Some days I feel fine with it and decide that this is how it is, but at other times (like yesterday) it's hard to maintain confidence when others are gasping in horror.
Two friends had success with CIO at just 3 months. I would never judge others, especially as I now know what it is like to be at the end of a long rope in terms of exhaustion, but I do know that my daughter would scream for hours and I just don't have it in me to go through that.
Anyway, thanks for all the advice.

ali, it took my son a long time to go to sleep without breastfeeding. In fact, I think he was about 14 months when suddenly he grasped the going to bed concept!

What we did was to take him up to bed after a feed, book etc and leave him in his cot after lots of cuddles and kisses. We then left him there, which obviously he didn't like. I kept going back in, never leaving him cry, giving lots of kisses and cuddles until he went to sleep.

He is now 20 months and is in his own bed and he gets out of bed five or six times before going to sleep. He stands at the top of the stairs calling out to me so I go up, kiss and cuddle, and put him back into bed. I guess it is a game to him and others might call me mad for traipsing up and down but it works for us. It usually takes 20 minutes in all but compared to when he was 13 months old, it is pretty miraculous!

My guess is that your daughter will start sleeping by herself when she is ready, much like my son. I didn't have the stomach for CC either, and I think

oops!

What I meant to say is that we got there in the end and you will too.

No you're not an oddball!!

My DS is coming up 19mths and he feeds loads more than your DD during the night and day.

He has only ever slept for 6 hrs once without a feed. A normal night for us is bed at 7-8, wake for feed at 11ish then 2ish and 6-7ish.

I tried a week of refusing feeds after he had gone to sleep - and aside from being upsetting when he was waking he started to feed almost non-stop during the day.

I decided I could put up with the night waking if it meant not having him wanting to feed all day long.

I guess he'll eventually cut down on the feeds so we just go with it for now.

dd was bf to sleep and during the night till she was nearly 3 yo. I night weaned her when i was about 8 wks pg. It was easier than i imagined so she may have been ready for the little push for a while. Two wks later she demanded to sleep in her own room. Now, even when she is poorly, she won't come into our bed (but wants either dh or I to cuddle her in her bed till she drops off again.)

We had a lot of issues with allergies/eczema and consequently late weaning so i accepted night feeds as a way of comfort from the itch and maybe making up for what she wasn't getting in the way of solids. In addition, i think she is naturally strongwilled and would not accept CC etc, easily.

Once i accepted this, feeding at night along with full time cosleeping was easier for me to do, somehow. Everyone got a better night's sleep.

Go with what your child asks for. Breastfeeding is no more likely to be a 'problem' as any other, eg potty training, fussing eating.

Will try to find an old post i made a while back about a 'friend' giving me good advice, like yours.

here is a link about a good 'friend' of mine who volunteered to babysit my dd.

we were only gone for about 2.5 hrs and in that time, she took it upon herself to do Controlled Crying on my DD - without my permission

(i don't think I made that clear in the OP)

I still think I deserve a minor sainthood for not filling her in in her own house.

If you're an oddball so am I!
DD also 13mo and has exactly the pattern you describe. Doesn't bf during day (I'm at work anyway) but bf to sleep, once or twice at night and wakes early (6am is a lie in round here.)
I also know no-one in RL still bf and get a lot of comment from my mum and friends.
I just don't have the energy or willpower to do any sleep training and I figure it will sort itself out in the end.
My only strategy for dealing with comments is I don't talk about it with anyone who might be hostile (which includes everyone who doesn't have kids). I just say that her sleep isn't great but she is such a lovely baby in every other way that I don't think it matters.
Of course I would like a full night's sleep as much as the next woman but not at any cost. If you are positive about your choice maybe they will stop giving you stick.
Recently DD had a horrible ear infection and I was so glad to still have milk to give her as it was all that really comforted her plus I knew she was getting all the antibodies to help her get well. Its a great thing you're doing. Be proud!

DD 17mo same thing. But she is starting to not need mummy milk before bedtime, or around midnight is often soundly asleep rather than waking for milk, and often first thing in the morning she's not bothered either and will be happy just to have her breakfast, so feel she will grow out of it altogether over the next two/three months. She wakes a bit more when it's hot at night, and I don't mind giving her some milk if she's thirsty - doesn't take long and she gives me lots of kisses
I feel that if I was to stop completely rather than let her grow out of it in her own time, which she seems to be doing, then it would become an 'issue' to be fought over, and why would I want that?

I wouldn't listen to others' 'advice'. None of their business.

Good on you, keep on nightfeeding as long as you and your DD want to do it, and sod all the negative comments!
I BF my DS until he was 18 months old - having gone back to work when he was 13 months old, this meant that I BFed him mostly at night. He co-slept with us and fed quite a bit. When he was 18 months old we decided to let him sleep in his cot, and he made the switch with very little difficulty. He's now a very well-adjusted 4.2 year old who sleeps very well in his own bed, with the ocasional small-hours visit to our bed. I'm so glad I was able to BF him for 18 months, and the only way to do it was to let him go on feeding at night. Yes, it was tiring, and yes, there were days when I looked a bit grey, but in the grand scheme of things, it was a very short period of time, and the benefits in terms of a securely-attached and well-nourished (and I don't just mean calories, but all the good stuff babies get from breastmilk) DS was well worth feeling a bit weary for.

I am still bf my dd2 (4th child) at night, she is very nearly 3.
In my experience, babies/toddlers go through more/less hungry/dependent phases.
Have you tried giving her more food in the evenings? Taking her to bed later? Do you co-sleep?

Sorry to fire questions at you!

I appear to be the most bonkers on the thread so far - still co-sleeping/nightfeeding a 3-and-a-half year old.

I agree with others who have suggested co-sleeping as a possible solution for you - you both might get a lot more sleep that way.

Also, tell you friends to butt out (or, more realistically, tell them that their comments have upset you).

OMG PW, you're a nuttah!!!!!!!

I think you should stop it right now - after all, you're only making problems for yourself later on

Mmmmmm... that's probably fair comment

Just paraphrasing common consensus, PW, but then you know that don't you x

Nightfeeding a 2 and a half year old here - would actually rather he was sleeping through by 3 years old though

Feenie dreams wistfully of a full night's sleep

My ds is still feeding a couple times a night at 14m. He feeds at 11 and 5-5:30 and usually once in between.

I want to stop because I want to ttc and no AF, but a couple times this week when I've picked him up at 2:30 or 3, I've heard his little tummy rumble, and no matter what SOME ppl have said to me, there's no way I could not feed him when I know he's hungry!

I must say the list of things I've been told that turned out to be utter BS is quite long. This is one of them!

My DS is nearly 13 months and I am feeding in the evening (I'm back at work) and through the night as he wants it(we co-sleep so I couldn't tell you exactly how many times, but probably a couple on a 'good' night). I think I'm the last of the group of mothers who is still breastfeeding and I've had a couple of "oh my god are you still doing it!" type comments, which are starting to get to me a little. Its none of their business frankly! I think its the right thing for my son and I don't think he is ready to stop. I'm thankful I can still offer this comfort when he is suffering with teething or other illness - I'd be getting a lot less sleep if I wasn't feeding still. I don't agree with CC either. I say go with your instincts - you'll both know when its the right time to give up.

My ds is 2.7 and still feeds in the night if he wakes. Or rather when he wakes as he wakes most nights. I take him into the spare bed in his room and we often co sleep until the morning.

I don't think that I am an oddball, and frankly don't really care if anybody disagrees with me.

I don't really mention being tired though because it would give people ammunition to say "well, stop feeding" or whatever. However, I think I am less tired than I would be if I had to deal with ds every night without feeding him.

dd is 14 months and co sleeps from whenever she wakes up in the night. she then latches herself on and off during the night, maybe 2 or 3 times. it hardly wakes me up so I'm not bothered about it. I wouldn't tell mates who don't go for all that kind of thing though - just inviting disapproving comments . tbh I'd be horrified by the starting the day at 5 idea!!! is the room really dark? is she in with you then? will she sleep lying down? I'm such a night owl that would drive me bonkers.

You are not an oddball lol.

I still bf dd2 at night and she is 2 in August. We co-sleep so she just helps herself mainly tbh. Usually 1-2 times during the night. She always wakes at 5.15am for a bf and although she goes back to sleep i am up at 6am to get the ds's up and organised for school and me for 1st mindee arriving at 7am so tis bloody annoying but like my other dc she will eventually grow out of it.

CC wasn't something i could ever have done either so i just went with the flow and things did get better. x