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Original poster

When can I sleep?!

14 replies

Ag00se · 04/12/2025 22:28

I'm looking for experience and any advice please! Sorry, this is a long one.

TLDR: baby will only sleep on me/husband day and night.

My DS is 7 weeks old and he will NOT sleep unless he's on me/my husband or being pushed in his pram (the minute we stop, he said wakes up screaming).

Since he's been born, we have had a handful of nights where he will sleep in his next to me for an hour or so but that's it. The biggest stretch we've ever had is about 2.5 hours. Now I feel like the sleep deprivation is killing me!!

Co-sleeping is not an option because he's not on us, so still screams the minute I put him on the mattress.

Last week we started to make our bedtime routine more concrete, so we go up to bed and just have the nightlight on from 8pm, I feed him and my husband reads him a story, quietly change his nappy then we sing a couple of lullabies and back for another feed until he starts to fall asleep. I then rock him and put him in the next to me. I've tried drowsy but awake and fully deep sleep and neither make any difference - within 5 minutes he's awake and inconsolable.

He's breastfed and I feed on demand, so usually end up feeding him constantly from 7.30 to 10 or 11 when he falls asleep. He has reflux but is on infant Gaviscon. I have his crib with a slight incline. I've tried swaddles and a sleeping bag.

I can't sleep when he sleeps, because I'm terrified of SIDs and I don't want to sleep with him on me... But that's the only time he sleeps!

My husband works and is out of the house 4am-3pm, so goes to bed at 8pm too, so night shifts are all mine. By the time we walk our dogs and have dinner, it's usually gone 6, but I do try to have around 30mins before the cluster feeding starts. He does take him for a few hours on his days off but as soon as he needs feeding I have to be on duty. I can't get on with the breast pump at all.

When can we expect things to start to improve?

He's such a lovely happy baby and he melts my heart with his smiles and coos... But I feel the tears coming on every night because I don't know how much longer I can cope with 45 mins of broken sleep.

Help!

OP posts:
Sillysoggyspaniel · 04/12/2025 22:40

As he's breastfed, can you set your bed up to bed share following safe sleep guidelines and then feed lying down (so you're both on your sides facing each other). You make a C curl around him, and he either sleeps on the boob or he will naturally roll on to his back when he unlatches. As soon as he stirs roll him back into the boob and relatch. That's the only way I managed to sleep with my two velcro babies. The only other way we managed was in shifts, but that won't work for you with your timings.

Overthebow · 04/12/2025 22:45

Your DH is going to have to take a shift at night. If he’s out the house from 4 am, he could sleep 8pm until 12am, then you sleep 12-3.30am. If he’s then needs a nap after work when he gets in at 3pm he could have an hour, but he does need to give you a chunk of sleep at night. He’s out at work but you’re looking after baby all day so also need sleep.

bizkittt · 04/12/2025 22:48

Your husband needs to share part of the nights.

Flibbertyfloo · 04/12/2025 22:53

Sillysoggyspaniel · 04/12/2025 22:40

As he's breastfed, can you set your bed up to bed share following safe sleep guidelines and then feed lying down (so you're both on your sides facing each other). You make a C curl around him, and he either sleeps on the boob or he will naturally roll on to his back when he unlatches. As soon as he stirs roll him back into the boob and relatch. That's the only way I managed to sleep with my two velcro babies. The only other way we managed was in shifts, but that won't work for you with your timings.

This in spades. It's how I stayed sane. It can be a bit fiddly learning to feed side lying but it is well worth it. For a reflux baby it is better to feed them lying on their left side. You can feed from both breasts without moving you or baby once you have the hang of it.

The La Leche book Sweet Sleep is super helpful. The UK Cosleepers Facebook group has great advice on setups and an Owlet sock works when cosleeping to give peace of mind.

Smiless · 04/12/2025 23:01

Hi @Ag00se it absolutely sucks that you are going through this. I know the feeling. You're probably exhausted and run down after pregnancy and delivery and really need a rest. It's so hard. The good news is you're over the worst of it and it's all going to get a lot easier from here on out.

First, some babies get their night and days all mixed up. Mine did. You can help them figure it out. Don't listen to anyone telling you they need a routine etc, they're too tiny at that age. Any routine at this point should be centered around helping you cope and doing what makes life a bit better for everyone at home.

I found that getting baby out in the daytime to actually see the light and smell fresh air helped them find their circadian rhythm (probably spelled wrong)! So like a 10 minute walk around the yard or up the street or whatever. Just to help them learn night from day.

I also leaned that a bath helps some babies sleep and wakes other babies so figure out which your baby is. If a bath helps baby relax then try a bath every night. It's a bit of hassle but if it helps it's worth it.

Keep lighting low. But not so low you get depressed sitting in the dark for hours.

If baby wants to be on you let them. Then when they are in a nice deep sleep slide them down beside you in the bed in the C curl as mentioned by @Sillysoggyspaniel if baby cries at this age it's pretty much always hunger, let baby latch on and they'll probably roll away when finished as did mine or you'll sense they're asleep and just unlatch them. Do this everytime they wake and you'll notice you start to get better sleep. Baby will be more relaxed with mama beside them.

I breastfed both babies but found that giving baby a formula bottle right before bed really helped cos they slept better with full belly. Each to their own so that might not work but it's what I did.

I found at 8 weeks something just clicked and they started to sleep better. They call the first 3 months the 4th trimester for a reason so it is tough. You're doing great and it's going to get better soon.

Pryceosh1987 · 04/12/2025 23:49

I assume 9 months after coming out the womb the baby will start sleeping longer. It depends on the child. i was a late sleeper, my little brother was not.

Original poster
Ag00se · 05/12/2025 06:28

Sillysoggyspaniel · 04/12/2025 22:40

As he's breastfed, can you set your bed up to bed share following safe sleep guidelines and then feed lying down (so you're both on your sides facing each other). You make a C curl around him, and he either sleeps on the boob or he will naturally roll on to his back when he unlatches. As soon as he stirs roll him back into the boob and relatch. That's the only way I managed to sleep with my two velcro babies. The only other way we managed was in shifts, but that won't work for you with your timings.

Thank you @Sillysoggyspaniel, I probably need to try this again. When we tried before he would not settle next to me in bed, it's like as soon as he senses he's not on flesh, he wakes up and lets us know he's not happy about it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ag00se · 05/12/2025 06:29

Flibbertyfloo · 04/12/2025 22:53

This in spades. It's how I stayed sane. It can be a bit fiddly learning to feed side lying but it is well worth it. For a reflux baby it is better to feed them lying on their left side. You can feed from both breasts without moving you or baby once you have the hang of it.

The La Leche book Sweet Sleep is super helpful. The UK Cosleepers Facebook group has great advice on setups and an Owlet sock works when cosleeping to give peace of mind.

Show quote history

Thanks @Flibbertyfloo I'll take a look

OP posts:
Original poster
Ag00se · 05/12/2025 06:36

Overthebow · 04/12/2025 22:45

Your DH is going to have to take a shift at night. If he’s out the house from 4 am, he could sleep 8pm until 12am, then you sleep 12-3.30am. If he’s then needs a nap after work when he gets in at 3pm he could have an hour, but he does need to give you a chunk of sleep at night. He’s out at work but you’re looking after baby all day so also need sleep.

Thanks @Overthebow and @bizkittt - you're probably right but I don't know how to make it work with DS's feeds etc. They aren't consistently timed so I might wake DH up to take over and then DS wants to be fed less than an hour later then it is pointless.

OP posts:
Sillysoggyspaniel · 05/12/2025 06:38

Ag00se · 05/12/2025 06:28

Thank you @Sillysoggyspaniel, I probably need to try this again. When we tried before he would not settle next to me in bed, it's like as soon as he senses he's not on flesh, he wakes up and lets us know he's not happy about it!

Show quote history

So mine was like this. Start off slouched in bed on pillows feeding normally. Once feeding is established, shuffle down the bed and hold him snuggly in place while you roll onto your side. Keep him pressed to your belly. His feet are likely to be too high at this point, so use one arm to keep his chest pressed to you and, while he's still feeding, slowly lower his legs down so they are pressed to your tummy. Basically you're trying to keep skin contact going the whole way through while you roll sideways. If he fidgets in the roll pause, let him get back into a rhythm sucking again, and then stealth resume!

Overthebow · 05/12/2025 06:40

Ag00se · 05/12/2025 06:36

Thanks @Overthebow and @bizkittt - you're probably right but I don't know how to make it work with DS's feeds etc. They aren't consistently timed so I might wake DH up to take over and then DS wants to be fed less than an hour later then it is pointless.

Show quote history

Could you express and DH do a nigtt he time bottle? We formula fed so it wasn’t an issue but my friends who bf all did this.

Original poster
Ag00se · 05/12/2025 06:44

Smiless · 04/12/2025 23:01

Hi @Ag00se it absolutely sucks that you are going through this. I know the feeling. You're probably exhausted and run down after pregnancy and delivery and really need a rest. It's so hard. The good news is you're over the worst of it and it's all going to get a lot easier from here on out.

First, some babies get their night and days all mixed up. Mine did. You can help them figure it out. Don't listen to anyone telling you they need a routine etc, they're too tiny at that age. Any routine at this point should be centered around helping you cope and doing what makes life a bit better for everyone at home.

I found that getting baby out in the daytime to actually see the light and smell fresh air helped them find their circadian rhythm (probably spelled wrong)! So like a 10 minute walk around the yard or up the street or whatever. Just to help them learn night from day.

I also leaned that a bath helps some babies sleep and wakes other babies so figure out which your baby is. If a bath helps baby relax then try a bath every night. It's a bit of hassle but if it helps it's worth it.

Keep lighting low. But not so low you get depressed sitting in the dark for hours.

If baby wants to be on you let them. Then when they are in a nice deep sleep slide them down beside you in the bed in the C curl as mentioned by @Sillysoggyspaniel if baby cries at this age it's pretty much always hunger, let baby latch on and they'll probably roll away when finished as did mine or you'll sense they're asleep and just unlatch them. Do this everytime they wake and you'll notice you start to get better sleep. Baby will be more relaxed with mama beside them.

I breastfed both babies but found that giving baby a formula bottle right before bed really helped cos they slept better with full belly. Each to their own so that might not work but it's what I did.

I found at 8 weeks something just clicked and they started to sleep better. They call the first 3 months the 4th trimester for a reason so it is tough. You're doing great and it's going to get better soon.

Thanks @Smiless I really hope you're right about the 8 weeks thing. I'm not pinning too many hopes on it though - I had terrible vomiting during pregnancy and everyone kept telling me it gets better after 8 weeks, 12 weeks, 16 weeks etc but I was still vomiting daily on week 40 so I feel like this little one has his own agenda on timings!!

I will attempt co-sleeping again - I think it could be our only option to maintain what sanity I have left!

I think DS knows the difference between night and day, we get out for a walk every day and he likes to play and chat between feeds in the day but falls straight to sleep (on the feeding cushion) after feeds at night time.

We have only tried one bath and he screamed the house down, so I've just been cleaning him with a flannel every morning. We need to try the bath again to see if it helps. He didn't cry twice during nappy/clothes changes yesterday so maybe we've turned a corner with the hatred of being naked!

I'm making him sound like a difficult baby, he's really not and I'm very lucky he's so chilled most of the time, he's just stubborn, opinionated and knows what he likes already!

OP posts:
Smiless · 05/12/2025 10:09

@Ag00se awh the cutie, he sounds like he's a real character. My first hated baths at first and like yours screamed for the duration. Now we're a total water baby so keep trying.

I read before that we should try bath them wrapped in a towel. I've not tried that but maybe it'd work for you.

One of ours had real bad startle reflex and liked to sleep in the Purflo sleep tight baby pod. At the time it was the only pod that was rated safe for sleep as I know dock a tot and similar are considered unsafe for sleep.

Its all trial and error. None of us have a clue it's all trial and error and the best of intentions 🤗

Peonies12 · 08/12/2025 15:12

Sillysoggyspaniel · 04/12/2025 22:40

As he's breastfed, can you set your bed up to bed share following safe sleep guidelines and then feed lying down (so you're both on your sides facing each other). You make a C curl around him, and he either sleeps on the boob or he will naturally roll on to his back when he unlatches. As soon as he stirs roll him back into the boob and relatch. That's the only way I managed to sleep with my two velcro babies. The only other way we managed was in shifts, but that won't work for you with your timings.

This is what I was going to suggest. Your baby is completely normal, of course they want to be on you. I wouldn't worry about baths / "bedtime" at that age, We only did the odd bath, and always during the day, then kept baby with us in the evening downstairs, I just breastfed all evening, that's normal! It's much safer if you set up planned co-sleeping than you fall asleep whilst holding baby on the sofa, for example. I preferred to share a double bed with baby, whilst my DH slept in the other room, it got us all much more sleep. We still co-sleep the second half of the night now, baby is 14 months - never planned to but it works so why stop. And don't expect baby sleep to get "better" in a linear way, it will change all the time.

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