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4 year old waking in the night and won’t go back to sleep in own bed

9 replies

poorlyfoot · 28/11/2025 01:38

Guys and gyalls, how can I fix this? 30w pregnant and 4 year old is waking in the night and refusing to go back to sleep in their bed.

It started after I had an injury whilst on holiday and DH bed shared with DC. We then had to stay with family for a week on return which meant more bed sharing. Then when we returned home DH stopped taking DC back to bed when they woke in the night. He just moaned about how little sleep he was getting but let DC into bed. I was still healing and immobile, unable to lead her back to bed but also getting minimal sleep as not enough room/lots of pain/pregnancy 😅 A month later and DC waking at midnight/1am every night and coming into our bed with all the excuses. Scared, too dark, too light. I imagine it’s a bit of separation anxiety and whilst I would love DC snuggled in a ‘bigger’ bed every night, I can’t do in current and would like to make her comfortable in her own bed again before DC2 arrives. She’s never really bed shared unless she has been unwell.

Worth noting that we do have to lie with her in her room after story time until she falls asleep. She used to have preference with me and cry when DH tried to do bedtime but we’re getting a bit better and taking one night each at a time.

Any advice appreciated. It’s 130am and I’ve been sat at the end of her bed for 45 mins trying to get her to nod off. Joke is she goes straight to sleep in my bed 😅

OP posts:
Arseholeneighbours · 28/11/2025 01:53

Mine has recently done a phase of this. I’m not sure really what the answer is! We just kept talking to her before bed about the importance of her staying in bed as everyone needs to get good sleep and she needs to stay in her bed, followed by lots of praise when she did!

NuffSaidSam · 28/11/2025 02:14

She sleeps in your bed with DH and you sleep in her bed?

Everyone sleeps.

golemmings · 28/11/2025 02:53

She's making all the decisions here. Is she actually scared or has she just got used to sleeping with you?
That will tell you where you need to start.

If it's purely behaviour, then you (and DH) need to be as stubborn as she is and change the pattern. Keep returning her to bed. Use whatever reward mechanisms work for her.
At bedtime do whatever sleep training you need to get her to self settle. Gradual retreat works well and doesn't feel cruel. Be consistent. And don't give up before she does! Good luck.

sashh · 28/11/2025 04:30

Put a spare mattress (could be an inflatable) on the floor in your room, if she comes in she can sleep on that but not get into bed with you.

Make her room more attractive if you can. A friend of mine put fairy lights in her children's room. If they had been good then the light fairy would put the lights on before bed.

BlondeBonBon · 28/11/2025 04:56

DH takes her to bed when she pops in but sleeps in a foldout mattress on her floor.

poorlyfoot · 28/11/2025 07:16

So I gave up around 230 last night, think we started around 1230, not sure, it blurs. She came into the bed with me in the end. DH not here so isn’t as bad but obviously not sustainable or consistent for DC. My thinking is we both had things to do today and I’d rather try on the weekend with a bit more breathing space. Last night was the longest I’d stuck to trying to get her to stay in her bed since this issue started so feeling a bit better. Im going to try and sort some of these suggestions today (please keep them coming) and ready to go again tonight and be as stubborn as her. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Silvertulips · 28/11/2025 07:20

She’s only little.

Is she waking up cold?

My DD was doing this and I gave up and slept in her room - it was like an ice box!!!

poorlyfoot · 29/11/2025 22:09

Silvertulips · 28/11/2025 07:20

She’s only little.

Is she waking up cold?

My DD was doing this and I gave up and slept in her room - it was like an ice box!!!

I was worried about this so brought her some super cosy fleecy covers. Im starting to think it’s separation anxiety which maybe fuelled by my pregnancy/new sibling.

My worry is how we are going to manage with No2 here. I’ve only got 10 weeks left (if full term).

OP posts:
MsSmartShoes · 29/11/2025 23:08

I’d put a double bed in her room so that she can be taken back to bed and one of you can stay with her for a little while. Kids often seek out the comfort of their parents at night, it’s entirely natural.

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