Please help me with 8 month old sleep, naps, early wakes

[Anoldcardigan]

He's just turned 8 months old this week. 😊
I'm a ftm and so clueless. I'm sorry this is such a long post. I'm desperate for help. 😕 We're so sleep deprived, my mental health is really suffering. We battled a long and hard 4 month sleep regression and the newborn stage was so tough. Ive developed an anxiety around his sleep. We've not felt truly rested in nearly a year and I'm honestly so beyond my limit I'm struggling. We just need rest. Please help. X

Here we go:

He started sleeping through with no wakes a month ago, it was on and off, maybe 2 days he'd do it and the day after he wouldnt. It lasted about a week and a half. Then we started seeing more split nights where he would wake for a feed and wouldnt go back to sleep until an hour or more after he woke up. He'd wake for the day between 6:30 and 7am.

Since the start of this month, his wakes have been getting earlier and he's been waking in the night once or twice more some nights. We usually have 1-2 night wakes overall. But he's waking around 5:30, sometimes earlier, every day. 😓 We wondered if he needed to drop a nap. His naps before were 1h10m for both morning and afternoon, and about 5min just before 5pm to get him through to bedtime. It was working okay for a bit.

But then more split nights started happening, so we tried dropping the third nap. We literally have no predictable routine now, as his naps are a bit all over the place. Some days its 3, some days its 2. But the naps can some days be fragmented. And now his night sleep is too. We get a split night at least once a week. Mornings are 5:30, which isnt working for us. I have to feed him (bf) or he wont settle down. Then my husband will try and get him to sleep for a bit longer, but he'll only manage about 15mins. Maybe between 6:15-6:30am. So it's not really his true wake time. This happens every day and were exhausted.

We were capping his naps before, as he can sleep ages in the day and we're worried it will ruin the nights. It has before and once we started capping, things improved. But now, I genuinely dont know how much sleep he needs because of how all over the place its become. When he wakes at 5:30, even if he does a little sleep until 6:30, his first nap is still early because he's not fully rested. So its like a vicious cycle. Bedtime is around 6:40-7:15pm at the moment. Depending on the day.

He's also taking a while to settle for bedtime and naps. Falls asleep in the cot with one of us sat next to him. But it can take 30mins or more atm, when before it might have only taken 10-20mins.

Sorry again for the long post. I'd really appreciate any advice anyone can give me. X

Oh you poor thing @Anoldcardigan
I have been there with both of my crap sleepers and I really feel for you.

My understanding is that there are a few things at play here. Firstly, 8 months is still so tiny and there are lots of developmental leaps at this stage (crawling / standing / walking / learning to eat / teething / separation anxiety) - and these affect sleep. Hearing that can be frustrating for you as a tired parent, but bear with and things do improve in general as these skills are learned and separation anxiety eases.

There are other things you can do to support his sleep in the meantime:

Do you feed him every time he wakes overnight? If he is a good eater during the day then I would suggest cutting back on overnight feeds and offering water instead - you / your partner can comfort him but once he is taking less milk overnight sleep tends to improve. Do the last feed prior to his bedtime routine, and if you feel he needs it offer a snack before bed so you know he isn’t hungry (banana or porridge works well).

Separately, he needs to fall asleep on his own ideally, without a parent in the room. Would you consider Ferber at all?

As to naps, two is probably ok at 8 months (rather than 3) - and wake windows of between 2.5 hours to 4 hours. I personally wouldn’t cap nap sleep at present as this will prevent over tiredness and also sometimes the more babies sleep in the day the more they sleep at night.

Treat any wakes before 0630 as night wakes - ie keep him in his sleep space, keep everything dark and quiet. Unfortunately after 0500 babies feel they have had enough sleep if they wake so you may have to delay going into him as much as you can, and if you have to go in create a comfy floor bed next to the cot and lie next to him. Don’t offer milk until 0630 or he will keep waking early for it. Hopefully if you can cut back on night feeds and get the timing right for bedtime he will wake a bit later.

Hi OP, I have also been there and it’s tough.! I guess I have a different approach to the pp and don’t agree they need to fall asleep alone.

the guidelines are (I believe) to not night wean before a year as milk is the main source of nutrition still. I would look at sleep pressure and not too much daytime sleep. The general overnight stretch for babies is 9-11 hours and I would look in to how much sleep in 24 hours from a reputable source like the sleep foundation. It maybe you’re just expecting too much sleep.

as for early starts, as above - look at how long he can actually sleep over night and adjust accordingly. I remember 8-10 months being horrendous due to teething and movement milestones and we moved to a floorbed, cosleeping after the first or second wake. It does get better! You definitely don’t need to remove any connection between you and your baby in some of their hardest months.

Thank you both so much for replying. It means a lot just being heard by someone, especially if you've been through it too.

@tortiecat I only feed him once in the night and I have to feed him on the early wake, or he wont stop crying as he's hungry. We try to treat it as a night wake and put him back to sleep after, but it doesnt work too well. He only manages a few more minutes. We try and delay going in as you say, but he cries 5 minutes after waking. 😔
I don't mind feeding once overnight as he is genuinely hungry. I do wonder if it is developmental. I almost hope so as then it will likely shift again!

@Sorrell23 I've also wondered if he's getting enough sleep, but he used to do longer overall, even with more wakes. So I'm not so sure.

Do either of you, or anyone else who may come along, know a good schedule for naps at this age? He's done 3 again today as cant make it to bedtime on just 2. He has a cold atm, so we're being flexible while he recovers.

I would really try and see what works for you both rather than following a generic schedule. If it helps look up the possums approach or I guess you can look up a general schedule online but be aware if your baby is on the normal to low end of sleep needs these won’t work for you

Thank you, I'm just desperate tbh, I know I need to see what works for us. Its so hard though as we dont dare change much in case things get worse! 😣 I'm really hoping he grows out of it. 😟