Please enlighten me!

[Caspino]

Hi,

So i have an almost 8 week old and an almost 3 year old.

I am struggling big time with lack of sleep and worry about the baby not eating enough during the day.

He has cmpa and reflux (both are being treated and he no longer seems in pain but still spits up a lot). IF im lucky if I can get him to drink 2oz of formula per feeding throughout the day, although at night he will take 3-4oz which is better.

He becomes really overstimulated between 6-7pm so we tend to take him upstairs for a feed and he goes to sleep in the next to me.

This is hit or miss how long he sleeps for but it is by far his most settled sleep of the day/night. He'll usually wake around 9/10 for a feed and then every 2 hours thereafter. He sometimes takes a feed and goes back to sleep relatively easily but other times he will be awake for 2/3+ hours at a time.

I have been doing most of the night feeds since he was born, my husband sleeps in with our eldest.

I have been struggling on so little sleep with no end in sight as my eldest is also home with me all day so I have no downtime whatsoever and there's no sign of the wee one sleeping longer stretches any time soon.
When both kids are asleep, ill usually take a shower and try to eat before the baby wakes up.

My husband has on occasion done a few of the feeds until 12 and then he goes to the toddlers room.

He works 9-5 Monday to Friday and in the office 3 days a week where he gets up around 0730 to get ready and then heads out at 8.

I had a particularly sleepless night last night and am writing to ask how can we split the nights to make it fairer?

It seems impossible for me to go to bed with the baby as then I would never have time to eat or shower or do any housework let alone have an hour to chill or watch TV.

My husband tends to put the toddler to sleep, she sleeps 12 hours a night no bother but can sometimes take about an hour to go over initially (sometimes 15 minutes) so say he puts her to bed around 7pm and the latest he'll be in there is 8pm.

Any ideas on how you all split the nights to make sure everyone gets some sleep?

I am responsive feeding and can't force the wee one to drink anymore during the day so hes likely hungrier at night. The feeding is a seperate issue tbh but its a real worry of mine. Also his naps/wake windows are all over the place and difficult to establish a routine due to the toddler.

Just feel a bit like im getting it all wrong and would love some advice.

Thank you.

Aw. You’re definitely not getting it all wrong, to start with. You’re learning how to be a mum to 2 kids, and getting to know a brand new one. While sleeping very little. That’s all incredibly hard so know you are doing great despite struggling, like most of us did.

I do forget some of the details, but I know I did go to bed with the baby for quite a while. I hated it for the reasons you describe but I remember in the early days knowing as you do, that it was the best chance of a chunk of uninterrupted sleep. I was bf so wasn’t easy to share with DH but he got up early with toddler and baby and let me have an hr or two, whatever he could.

In your shoes, I’d go to bed with baby, DH responsible for evening housework, and also the 9/10 feed. Then he goes to bed, and you get woken up about 12 meaning you’ve had 4hrs fairly uninterrupted sleep. And if it’s been a night where babe has had you awake 2-3hrs, DH can be responsible during the pre work period.

For this to work you’ll need to eat earlier and see nap times with baby as chill time? I don’t know all your practicalities. But sleep has to be everyone’s priority, it’s core to everything.