Sleeping times?

[xella]

Hi all.
I just got a comment off my partner, which has upset me, so now i would like to ask you all something... Does everyones child go to bed before 9pm? my daughter has a nap in the day most days, occasionally if she settles late, she has woken up at 7pm. Her normal bedtime is 9 o clock. I feel bad at putting her to bed 2 hours later, and of course shes full of energy. so now and then it can be as late as 10pm. Only on occasion. But what has upset me, is my partner has just blurted that no-ones child at work goes to bed any later that 8pm, and they apparently have naps aswell. And their partners still manage to clean and cook and get everything done etc etc. feel like ive been kicked in the balls, if i had some! is my way totally out of sync? how does your day fold out? I tried to explain, nothing would get done if i didnt have the "naptime", its hard with a 2 and half yr old, constantly around you to get things done, but apparently, their partners manage perfectly fine? do i need to sort myself out? any advice will be appreciated. Thanks

Children have early bedtimes so that they can get enough sleep before leaving the house for school or nursery at about 8 30am. At the age of 2, they generally need about 12hours. If you do not have to be out the door early the next morning, then there is no reason why your dd has to be in bed early.

Of course, there may be issues when she is at nursery or school and needs to go to bed earlier so she can get up earlier and still have the right amount of sleep (which is vitally important)

Do you think your dp may be commenting on the fact that you and he do not get evenings on your own together due to dd still being awake.

don't feel bad about it but, since you are asking, mine goes to bed at 8pm. he is 21mths and has gone to bed at that time for about a year. I am sure you will find many variations but, personally speaking, i could not bear to still have a lo hanging around at that time! I need some time for my dd (age 10) and me (oh and dh if he is in). Oh, and tell your dh to try and do what you do in a day - that'll teach him to make shitty comments

My ds also naps for around 1.5 - 2 hrs per day from 1pm. and to echo nell12 his schedule suits my family life because i have to be up and out of the house by 8:10am mon to fri for dd's school. hth

how old is she and what is her daily schedule normally?

It's really difficult to establish a routine sometimes, i think. It requires perseverance and patience. This last week DD (6 months) has gone down for naps 2-3 times a day for at least an hour each time and then still goes to bed between 7 and 8pm.

I need to have some evening time with DP so this suits us very well indeed!

Does it bother you that DD is awake that late or do you like having her around in the evenings too?

xella?

Thanks 4 messages. My dd does go to playschool on a monday morn and tues afternoon. Her pattern doesn't effect her waking in the morning, Sometimes i would like to have her go to bed earlier, so i can have a hour before i hit the pillows myself, but if she has settled down at four, i've took my chance and jumped in the bath, cleaned house and made dinner, but like i said, on the occasion, she's woke up late a 7pm, so i didnt feel right putting her back in bed so soon. A small part of my dp is kind of making a point of this because he's tired before she is! even if she didnt wake up late, she's full of energy. So sometimes it may be to spend time together, but not always the case. I was upset at the fact it made me feel like i wasn't coping as well as everyone else. Its hard to keep a household in shape and deal with an energetic 2 1/2 yr old, and shop, and playschool etc, but he gave me the impression that everyone else does it without any problem, and earlier!

sorry cruise, 2 1/2 yrs, her normal settling for naptime is 3-4pm, but she doesn't always settle straight away, she's not tired before then, and usually we're shopping or at playgroup etc at that time anyway. The nap helps her to refresh cause she can get cranky, and it helps me do the housework.

Xella would she not manage until 7pm without a nap?

3 or 4pm does seem rather late for a nap, IMO. Could you not just perhaps both have a cuddle on the sofa or even on her bed either in the morning or early afternoon, say 1 or 2pm, just to get her used to winding down for a rest? Then perhaps when she is used to having the cuddles you can gradually make a retreat and get on with stuff while she sleeps, if that makes sense? Maybe then she will be tired again by 7 or 8pm and could go to bed?!

yes mamama she has done before, but if i took her naptime away, i'd never get anything done! and she gets very bored easily, so i can never get on with anything properly, until i know shes settled or doing something thats keeps her in 1 place for more than 10 mins! if she didnt have that time to break down the day, she runs out of everything she wants to do. I join in with her playing with play doh, reading, crayoningetc. But they want you to be there all the time. its impossible.

With a 2 1/2 yr old, you do what suits you and helps you get through the day.

Personally I couldn't have my LO up that late, when my dd started going to bed at a regular time, I was relieved. I like having my evenings without her around. But that's me and every one's different.

If you wanted to put your dd to bed earlier then you would have to change her nap times, you are right that she cant get up at 7 and go back to sleep at 9. Have you thought about giving her her naps earlier? Maybe one long nap would help both you and her? My friends dd has a three hour nap in the day and she uses that time to sort the house out.

Maybe you could look at what your dp said in a positive way, maybe he was just trying to say he wants more time alone with you, you know what men are like, nothing ever comes out right!

At the end of the day its up to you, if your happy then don't worry.

RG her naptime used to be 1-2pm when she was 12 months and onwards, but as she's got older, thats her peak time IYKWIM, she won't go any earlier than that, and i never let her settle if she is'nt asleep by half four. If we have come home late, i dont put her down, if she is still awake in bed at 4:30-5pm, then i get her back out again.

Xella, if your current schedule suits you then it's fine, however I think most people try to get their little ones into bed by 7pm / 7.30pm partly because it then means they will get the 12 hours they need by the morning, and partly because they are just so relieved to get them into bed and have a nice evening on their own with their partner......

3-4pm is defintely quite late for a nap. Personally I found 2 and a half a v difficult time. DD1 used to sleep 1- 2.30 ish until then but by 2 and a half she refused to go to bed at that time, but would be EXHAUSTED, grumpy and horrid by late afternoon without a nap. If she didn't nap I brought bedtime forward. So for a while she went to bed at 6.30pm after a horrible grumpy hour or so after 5pm. She soon got the hang of it. I also found that putting her into bed with a story cd on for 45 mins or so sometimes helped - i.e. she'd have a rest and recharge even if she didn't sleep.

As for housework - give her a duster, or a dustpan and brush, some washing to hang up etc and tell her what to do. You'll be surprised how happy she is to fiddle around with it while you do something constructive! My best thing ever is a 'dustbuster' mini hoover, she'll spend literally hours trying to hoover if I let her (poor baby!), gives me time to do a few other things....

Xella, I have a ds who is just under 2.5, His naptime was shifting to later and later in the day(used to be 1pm then slowly crept to 4pm)
I found that it was then difficult to get him to settle before 8.30-9pm.
He was also in the habit of early waking ie 5am

I pushed through and decided to drop the nap, and although this loses me precious"job time" the result has been amazing.

DS now goes down at 6.45-7pm and sleeps all night until 6-6.30am

Result I feel more refreshed , I have my evenings back and time for me and DH.

IMO i suspect your Dh is jealous of having little you time.

I hope you come to the right decision /plan for you and your family

Just an idea - I know it doesn't help you get your time to yourself, but could you limit her to say 20 minutes for her nap? That might be enough to get her through to bedtime without making her too awake.