Is anyone’s baby like mine?

[Fifii]

Hi all, I’m not really sure what I’m looking for with this post. Maybe just some reassurance that it’s not just me (realistically I know it isn’t.. but I don’t know anyone in my immediate circle with a baby like mine - one who doesn’t nap well nor sleep at night).

my 10 month old has always been a short napper. I could probably count on one hand the amount of times he’s napped beyond 40 minutes. This didn’t used to be much of an issue because he consistently slept through the night, but since the 4 month sleep regression hit (yes, 6 months ago 😂) he wakes every 2-3hrs overnight (sometimes every hour on bad nights).

he currently has two naps a day, each being roughly 20-30 mins long. If they’re really short, I try for a shorter third nap just to avoid him becoming overtired, which sometimes works, sometimes doesn’t. I’ve tried so many times to extend the naps and it never works - he wakes up happy, laughing and eager to get moving.

he typically goes to bed between 7-8pm depending on when the last little nap is, and gets up for the day around 7-8am (although this does not equate to 12 hrs of sleep - he is up a lot at night).

I am constantly shattered - I also recently found out I’m anaemic and have a folate deficiency, which definitely makes me even more exhausted. I exclusively breastfeed so every wake up is my responsibility. He won’t settle for his dad at all. He doesn’t seem affected by his lack of sleep - he’s active (crawling since 5 months old and will defo soon be walking) and a very happy, giggly baby.

he doesn’t eat well (a separate issue), so I wonder if this is linked? He also definitely has a feed-to-sleep association. I don’t feed to sleep before bed though.

I think what makes it worse is that allllll the mums and babies I know seem to have either naps and/or overnight sleep sussed. I have no opportunity to look after myself, to catch up on sleep, to get any work or housework done, etc. A few of the mums recently started complaining about their babies only having 45 minutes sleep for their first naps because it gives them no time to do much. I felt like crying (probably the exhaustion) because my baby hasn’t had longer than 20 minute naps for months.

I feel like I’ve tried everything and so far the best thing that has helped my mental state is just acceptance. But some days it’s rough.

is anyone else’s baby a bad napper AND a bad overnight sleeper?

I haven't been in this exact combo of bad sleep, but just wanted to mention iron deficiency can cause sleep issues in babies. If you're deficient, and he's not great on solids yet, might be worth looking in too?

At ten months, he doesn't need milk every time he wakes. I'd suggest splitting the nights as a start. If he goes to bed at 8pm, he's your DPs responsibility until 12. You get 4 hours uninterrupted, and he figures out how to soothe him on his own. (This bit takes time and patience from you both.) Once that works, stretch it to 1am and each have a 5 hour block of uninterrupted sleep. Otherwise, you'll crack. 🙈 Sleep deficiency is no joke with little ones!

Do we have the same child?! My son is now 2 years old and sounds very like your little one. I found it got easier after he turned one as the breastfeeds reduced which gradually made it easier for my husband to settle him. We are now pretty much interchangeable to him so we can split the wake ups. Going back to work helped too as nursery days meant I at least have some time to myself (mostly wfh so can catch up on things around the house).
I try to tune out people complaining about their child having a shorter nap or a car nap being a wasted nap. My boy has only ever contact napped/ napped in the car / in buggy (but wakes as soon as i stop walking). So I literally dont get time to myself during his naps. I've mostly accepted it but really do need to switch off from comparing to others as the jealously is too much!
And once the night time sleep gets better it is much easier to handle. That has gradually got better when he was about 1 I think.
Hang in there. It will get easier!

Oh my goodness this is exactly my daughter! Only naps for around 30 mins twice a day always been the same. May randomly get an hour if I drive round and round in the car! Exclusively breastfed and kicks off for her dad to the point of being sick, only I can settle her. She often refuses sleep til 9 or 10pm! She will then do a 3 hour stretch max and then up hourly from 1am onwards. The only way I survive is cosleeping but am really worried about returning to work in December. Also a crap eater totally uninterested even though being offered 3x a day now. I keep thinking oh it will improve soon but doesn't haha. I definitely have stopped comparing now though and accepted she is who she is and that it's temperament rather than anything I'm doing "wrong" which I cried over enough times! No advice just solidarity x

I'll join the club too. I've got 5 kiddos and 3 of them slept like this. 2 of them ended around 2 years old and one didn't sleep through until they started nursery.
I have one current one thats not sleeping great but the others have seemed to cracked it. I just chuck them in bed and don't see them until mroning.

Solidarity to you. Hope it improves soon

Id focus on less sleep at night, try 11 hours in total and see if that reduces night wakes. The short day naps wouldn't bother me as I'm long as my baby was happy.

Yes! I too have one of these. Although actually a great eater.

DD is almost 2 and hates sleep! The determination with which she fights it is actually impressive.

currently does about 45 mins in the day (unwillingly) and then 11 hours overnight (but in bed with us from 12/1am.

when people talk about their toddlers 3 hour long afternoon naps I am wild with envy.

however - if we’ve ever had to take her to an event/wedding etc she’s stayed out late - enjoyed herself, and we’ve had no major repercussions from missed sleep. So you have to take the win where you can.