Cruel mum to leave dd? 13 mths, screaming place down for 2 hours at bedtime....

[gerbo]

Am i approaching this the right way?

DD is 13 months. She has so far always slept brilliantly, going down at night easily after a 45 minute routine (bath, milk, story).

She just had a tummy bug for a week, was quite poorly, and now everythings gone haywire!

Even her daytime naps (morning - 45 mins - and lunch - 1.5 hours) are screwed up - she screams blue murder as soon as I leave the room, for 30/40/90 minutes.

I go in every 10/15 mins and lay her down (she's rattling the cot bars and crying so much.......) and say goodnight quietly, then leave. After a while (up to 2 hours) she conks out and falls asleep.

She's tired in the day but generally in good spirits.

Am I cruel to leave her crying for up to 30 mins? It's just such a cross, angry cry, because I'm not staying seeing her to sleep as I did when she was ill,rather than 'i'm in pain' or 'i'm hungry'.

Do I let her cry it out or go in every 10 mnins to show her I'm there and then leave, because every time I go in and leave she winds herself up noticeably.

PLEASE HELP! I'm knackered, run down and FED UP of not getting any tea until 930pm! Is this normal?

(Oh - and she just started to walk, and seems to have 2 lower teeth coming through)

gerbo, why not try this
settle her
leave 1 min
go back in
resettle
leave her 2 mins
go back settle and gradually increase the time, its alot easier on her, she knows you are there and only just left her,,,she ll get the comfort but know you are going

its harder work for you but it might work and try it over 3/5 nights.

Being ill often screws things up for a while - like you say, she's got used to you doing things a certain way and doesn't know why you're not doing it now! also teeth and learning to walk can result in unsettled times.

personally, we took the view that it would pass in time for each of DS' phases, and did whatever would get us through the phase as easily as possible. So if he wanted me to sit with him for a bit, I did, but I tried to phase it out slowly as he returned to normal, if that makes sense? But then I've never been able to do 'crying it out'.

It is really hard and each time it felt like he would be doing it forever, but it always stopped after a while (never more than two weeks, if that helps!)

HTH

thanks all for your advice - now i feel really mean as i've been leaving her for like 20 mins (whilst attempting to sort my bombsite of a house and cook for dh etc etc) but i will try the 'extend the time you leave her after settling her' idea - good thought.

nocca - i would take her to be seen for an ear infection but i always feel a little nervous of my doc - he looks at me like i'm mad/crazy/neurotic first time mum whenever I go and i feel like i'm obliged to leave asap!!!!! will try to pluck up courage though - hadn't even thought of that.........thanks........

Would echo hermykne. Did same with DD and although it takes some hard work and patience it does work and (I think) does make the little one feel that she's not being left too dramatically...