Stopping 3 year old coming into our bed in the night....without tears?

[Richtea67]

.....is this possible?? Our DD has been a terrible sleeper from day one. We've worked really hard to gently encourage independent sleep, and she now happily goes to bed on her own at night. However she still comes through to our bed at some point in the night. We've tried guiding her back to her own bed but she kicks off big style and wakes up our other child. Sticker charts/rewards etc don't seem to be working either. We would really like a gentle method that doesn't involve tears and breaks this habit....if at all possible! Thanks.

You need to set the scene in the day that from now on she will be staying in her own bed and tell her what will happen. Eg if you wake up, we will come back to your bed with you , give you a cuddle, tuck you up, give you your favourite toy to cuddle, stay 2 mins and then leave.

Then it's not such a surprise in the night. You then have to do it very consistently. Unfortunately it might take a few nights to break the habit.

My DC was coming in every night until she was 5 and oddly stopped the night we moved house. I think it just changed her routine suddenly.

Also I realised some of the problem was she kicked her covers off in the night so tucking her up when I went to bed also helped so she didn't wake up cold at 3am.

I think the above advice is good, and then you do just have to keep taking her back to bed, don’t cave, for as long as it takes for her to get the message. Could you arrange for your older child to stay with family one night to get you going? When taking her back, no interaction at all, just walk her back calmly then leave.

We found it so hard, lots of crying and we were shattered. So we put a ‘special bed’ on the floor beside ours. It was just a cot bed mattress. Then we would lean down and reassure him if he couldn’t sleep, but we still had space and could sleep comfortably. Eventually he just stopped coming through. I’m assuming because it wasn’t as nice!

It wouldn’t bother me and I would just allow it to happen as it will stop by itself one day. My son came in until about age 5 and then one day just didn’t anymore. I missed it!

Same. I understand it doesn’t work for everyone, but if the only fear is setting bad habits, it hasn’t done so with my daughter who At 16 has way better sleep hygiene than I do. 😆

I used to love it when a little snuggly person crept in next to me. I know it's not for everyone but I really miss it.

Thank you...in think this is what I thought we would need to do. There were just so many tears, I think we might wait until she's slightly older and try this again.

I know what people mean....i do enjoy the snuggles but the 3 of us struggle to get comfortable in the bed, so my husband and i take it in turns to sleep in the spare room. It would be nice to sleep with DH again, and enjoy the cuddles with DD in the morning rather than middle of the night.

May also try the setting up a cosy nest on the floor next to our bed.

It depends what you’re trying to achieve and what lengths you’re willing to go to to get there…
You could just keep leading her back to bed but she will likely get upset and it will be a few very disturbed nights.
Cot bed mattress on your floor so she can have the reassurance of coming in with you but you’re not disturbed by her physically being in the bed.
Get a double bed so you (or DH) can get in with her in that hope that you’re reinforcing that she stays in her bed and eventually she’ll stop waking to get you.

I gave up and put a mattress on the floor of our room and told dd she could sleep on that or her own bed. With the ‘reward’ of our bed removed she dropped her mattress visits after a few weeks! But also zero middle of the night fighting. Hi darling, there’s your mattress, night night

I let it happen - by the time my youngest was 8 I was getting a bit worried, but of course it stops and now that she’s a 15 year old full of sass who is barely at home for five minutes I’m so happy that it was never a big deal.

if the best doesn’t work could a bigger bed be an option? I do realise that is critical.

She’s controlling you because you don’t want her to be upset! If you actually parent her properly and make it clear to her she’s not doing this anymore and stay firm , after a few nights of it and ignoring her kicking off and putting her back in her bed each and every time she gets up and tries to get into yours then she will learn that you mean what you say. If you don’t then you will end up with a willfull child who controls you by crying and will still be like this at 20+!