HELP my 4 month old wont sleep in cot

[Emmamumto2]

Hiya, my 4 month old will only sleep on his front. He can roll on his tummy but hasnt mastered rolling back yet.
Had 4 months of trying to get him in his cot and failed every night.
If hes on his front he will sleep peacfully but as soon as i roll him over hes awake and his startle reflex wont stop. He has physical hold of me when hes sleeping on me (grabbing on to my clothes). Were sleeping on a recliner chair at the moment as thats the only way i sleep. My first child wasnt like this and was in the cot at 4 months.
Im loosing my sanity, and my relationship with my partner is starting to faulter.
Does anyone have any advice on how to help baby sleep in the cot? I dont want to risk letting him sleep on his front unsupervised while i sleep in bed next to him.
Thanks in advance for any help or tips given

You must stop sleeping in the recliner with him asleep on you, that's incredibly risky. I would bedshare with him following lullaby trust guidelines and wrap yourself around him in a C shape so that he can hold you and your arms and body will minimise the startle reflex.

Yes im aware, i have massive guilt over it. My health visitor has said its ok if its the last option. I make it as safe as i can and i use the term 'sleep' loosly!
We have tried cosleeping in bed and baby wont have it. He just wants to be on his front. I think baby likes the sound of my heart and breathing.
I will try co sleeping again and see if anything changes

Do you breastfeed? If so you can try lying down in bed to feed, and then he will either fall asleep on his side with your boob (and can't roll forward from there) or naturally loll backwards away from you but he'll still be close enough to feel your heartbeat

I am a bit out of date but are there any monitors which would facilitate him being on his tummy in the cot? Something like an angel care mattress alarm?? It’s surely about taking the least risky option.

My baby is the same and almost 4 months old. I've had to let him lay on me too but I've found that he will sleep in my bed on his back or side if I breastfeed him as PP also suggested. It sounds like your baby is almost rolling back over so I would keep practicing that during the day and hope he masters it very soon

Is it possible be has silent reflux?

Do you have a partner? You might need to do shifts one person 7pm- 2am, one 2am-8am to ensure baby is safe. Why recliner chair over bed on your chest and then rolling off while holding you? Recliner chair so unsafe

My understanding is if they can roll onto their front it's safe to leave them there.

However, you need to set up your bed for safe bedsharing so if you fall asleep you and him are both safe. Sleeping in a recliner chair is hugely unsafe and I'm really shocked the HV didn't tell you that- about 95% of deaths of babies co-sleeping are on a chair, sofa or unsafe bed.

You don't have to roll him over. If he can get onto his stomach himself, then he's safe to sleep like that. And it's much much less risky, than sleeping with him on a recliner.

I thought if they cant roll back on their own they cant stay on their front?
I will just say i feel very judged by the comments for just trying to survive.
When your in the trenches you do what you can to get by as many of you probably know. Ive got a second child to think about and need sleep for them as well. I have tried everything and nothing seems to work apart from baby being dorectly on me and being in the chair where he cant roll off becaude of my position and how im holding him was a better option than hacing him on me in the bed where he could roll off. Im going to try some things again. But i was looking for advoce and all i got was a telling off. I thought this forum was parents supporting parents and understanding.
Thanks for those of you who gave tipd and advice

Nope, as long as he can get into that position, then he's safe to sleep like that. It's more about having the neck strength to lift their face away from the mattress. I'm sorry you feel judged.

My baby was the exact same, as in she learnt to roll onto her stomach first and then wanted to sleep like that. It was scary at first but completely fine. She still mostly sleeps on her tummy.

@Emmamumto2 it's not judgement, it's panic that of your available options (recliner, bedsharing or letting him sleep on his front in a clear space) you are doing the one that is most likely to lead to him being smothered. The HV gave you poor advice and while you are tired, you're right, we have been there, and many of us have multiple kids. You do what you can to survive, while making sure your baby also does!

No-one is judging you, we're trying to keep you and your baby safe.

If, god forbid, your baby did die because of sleeping on a recliner, you would feel awful for the rest of your life and probably never, ever recover from that pain. You wouldn't care who was "judging" you, although plenty of people would wonder why you did put your baby in that situation at that point.

Ask any mother who has been through it what's worse- being given clear and factual information to enable you to minimise danger or losing a child.