Pick up / put down method - should I even bother?!

PeachFinch · 2025-10-10T19:22:26+00:00

So a bit of background: my 7 month old has never been a great sleeper. During the day, she’ll cat nap for 30 mins maybe 3x a day if I’m lucky, but more often she’ll have maybe an hour sleep most days. At night she wakes up very frequently, every hour most nights although every now and then she’ll get a two-three hour solid stretch. From what I can gather yes this is very normal for babies but also baby could be chronically overtired, this makes sense to me as she never wakes up happy. I follow appropriate wake windows as best as I can but she just can’t seem to sleep long stretches. So tonight I tried the pick up put down method, when I first put her down she seemed content for five mins and was happily babbling away. Then the crying starts and I pick up put down pretty continuously for 30 mins and EVERY time I put down she really cries straight away. Nothing helps to soothe and when I pick her up she starts to fall asleep instantly which defeats the whole point of this as the aim is to self soothe in the cot. Anyone gone through this and have any advice? What do you do if your baby cries the instant you put down? Surely you can’t be in perpetual pick up put down with crying, this just seems like cry it out method? Grateful for any advice - cheers

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Wherethewildthings · 10/10/2025 21:57

It doesn't work. Stop distressing yourself and her. She'll sleep for longer as she gets older, you don't need to do anything or teach her how to settle. In the day do you put her in a cot to sleep or contact nap? Mine would do maybe twenty mins if put down but hours if held.

Mamaine · 10/10/2025 23:13

I did this around 5 months as my baby would only contact nap, at first I just did it for the first nap of the day and for 3 or 4 days it took 30+ minutes to get him to sleep, but I persevered. After a week or so it was 20 mins and now (7mo) he falls asleep on his own in his cot with me beside him for every single nap and at bedtime. For the first few days I felt the same

BabyToothbrush · 10/10/2025 23:22

Mamaine · 10/10/2025 23:13

I did this around 5 months as my baby would only contact nap, at first I just did it for the first nap of the day and for 3 or 4 days it took 30+ minutes to get him to sleep, but I persevered. After a week or so it was 20 mins and now (7mo) he falls asleep on his own in his cot with me beside him for every single nap and at bedtime. For the first few days I felt the same

Can I ask though, What's the benefit to you that baby falls asleep in the cot with you beside them compared to baby falling asleep on you and then you put them in the cot? I can't see why the former is any better?

OP, my DC1 would go down awake for naps and bed time around the 12 month mark and DC2 around the 9 month mark. I didn't sleep train. My DC3 is almost 1 and gets hysterical instantly if we leave the room. The only real difference is that they've never taken a dummy whereas the first two had them which I think brought them comfort so helped their sleep. And different personalities I suppose. Nothing I could do anything about.

Original poster

PeachFinch · 10/10/2025 23:40

Thanks all.
I’ve already given up, we’re currently 5 wakeups in since bedtime and I don’t have it in me to persevere with pickup/put down when baby cries every time I pop her back down in her cot. I don’t understand how this is supposed to play out when baby pretty much continuously cries. I didn’t expect to find it this distressing, I chose this method as it’s a “gentle” method and have seen posts on social media where babies seem to adapt well but nope not my little one.

OP posts:

MsSmartShoes · 10/10/2025 23:41

Mine would only sleep if in with me. I’d put them in a sleeping bag on top of the duvet and hook my legs under them.

Mamaine · 11/10/2025 07:40

BabyToothbrush · 10/10/2025 23:22

Can I ask though, What's the benefit to you that baby falls asleep in the cot with you beside them compared to baby falling asleep on you and then you put them in the cot? I can't see why the former is any better?

OP, my DC1 would go down awake for naps and bed time around the 12 month mark and DC2 around the 9 month mark. I didn't sleep train. My DC3 is almost 1 and gets hysterical instantly if we leave the room. The only real difference is that they've never taken a dummy whereas the first two had them which I think brought them comfort so helped their sleep. And different personalities I suppose. Nothing I could do anything about.

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The benefit is that when he wakes up in his cot he knows where he is and falls back to sleep on his own! So at first he needed lots of support if he woke in his nap, shushing and patting and sometimes it didn’t work but the more times he fell asleep there the less help he needed, the same at night. Sometimes I would have to pat/shush him but that for me was better than a full pick up wake up because I didn’t fully wake up, and gradually as he got used to it now when he wakes between sleep cycles he realises he’s in his cot and he goes back himself.
should clarify that I’m not interested in having my baby in a separate room at this point nor will I be for a while so he sleeps in a cot beside my bed and so when he wakes up at night I’ll still be there beside him, so probably why it suits our circumstances so much :)

Mamaine · 11/10/2025 07:43

PeachFinch · 10/10/2025 23:40

Thanks all.
I’ve already given up, we’re currently 5 wakeups in since bedtime and I don’t have it in me to persevere with pickup/put down when baby cries every time I pop her back down in her cot. I don’t understand how this is supposed to play out when baby pretty much continuously cries. I didn’t expect to find it this distressing, I chose this method as it’s a “gentle” method and have seen posts on social media where babies seem to adapt well but nope not my little one.

Honestly, you have to know what you’re comfortable with and also know yourself own baby!
I’m sorry to hear this didn’t work at this point and I know the defeated and exhausted feeling, and the guilt too. Don’t persevere with something that makes you uncomfortable. Personally I never tried with bedtime to begin with because I was already too exhausted from the day and my patience non existent!
I hope sleep improves for you with time and you and your little one have more restful nights ahead

Mrsoftandhisstrangeworld · 11/10/2025 07:47

I think just accept you won't sleep for four years. It's actually better for you to acknowledged this, accept it and lean into it. Co-sleep for as long as you want.

Mrsoftandhisstrangeworld · 11/10/2025 07:49

Mamaine · 11/10/2025 07:40

The benefit is that when he wakes up in his cot he knows where he is and falls back to sleep on his own! So at first he needed lots of support if he woke in his nap, shushing and patting and sometimes it didn’t work but the more times he fell asleep there the less help he needed, the same at night. Sometimes I would have to pat/shush him but that for me was better than a full pick up wake up because I didn’t fully wake up, and gradually as he got used to it now when he wakes between sleep cycles he realises he’s in his cot and he goes back himself.
should clarify that I’m not interested in having my baby in a separate room at this point nor will I be for a while so he sleeps in a cot beside my bed and so when he wakes up at night I’ll still be there beside him, so probably why it suits our circumstances so much :)

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You could pat and shush your baby. If I tried that the neighbours would be calling the police with the noise emitted from my DD.

WannabeMathematician · 11/10/2025 08:00

How is picking them up everytime they cry in anyway like the cry it out method? Sometimes you will do things that make babies cry (mine would cry everytime I changed his nappy for about 3 months was I just going to not change his nappy!?).

I’ve done pick up put down. I did it in the day for naps first and I set aside a whole week to do it. The difference was I was in the room and my DS didn’t get to the crying point each time. As soon as he would fuss I’d scoop him up.

Do you you know what I think when people say don’t do it? They had small babies and no joint issues.

Btowngirl · 11/10/2025 08:07

Mamaine · 11/10/2025 07:40

The benefit is that when he wakes up in his cot he knows where he is and falls back to sleep on his own! So at first he needed lots of support if he woke in his nap, shushing and patting and sometimes it didn’t work but the more times he fell asleep there the less help he needed, the same at night. Sometimes I would have to pat/shush him but that for me was better than a full pick up wake up because I didn’t fully wake up, and gradually as he got used to it now when he wakes between sleep cycles he realises he’s in his cot and he goes back himself.
should clarify that I’m not interested in having my baby in a separate room at this point nor will I be for a while so he sleeps in a cot beside my bed and so when he wakes up at night I’ll still be there beside him, so probably why it suits our circumstances so much :)

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I agree with this. Both our DD’s are good sleepers (bar obvious leaps/illness etc) and I 100% believe it’s because they are happy to fall asleep/be in their bed/cot. Seems logical to me that they’ll be confused if you’ve put them in their cot asleep so have no idea where you’ve gone when they wake up. My personal view is that one of the best things I can do for them is ensure they have good sleep and are able to sleep themselves, that being said no shade to anyone else or any other methods as we all have to do what we are comfortable with as parents.

Theres about 6 families we are social friends with at nursery and we are the only ones not spending hours getting our DD (nearly 4) to sleep or co sleeping. It sounds stressful!

AperolWhore · 11/10/2025 08:11

PeachFinch · 10/10/2025 23:40

Thanks all.
I’ve already given up, we’re currently 5 wakeups in since bedtime and I don’t have it in me to persevere with pickup/put down when baby cries every time I pop her back down in her cot. I don’t understand how this is supposed to play out when baby pretty much continuously cries. I didn’t expect to find it this distressing, I chose this method as it’s a “gentle” method and have seen posts on social media where babies seem to adapt well but nope not my little one.

Look at the blissful baby expert Lisa Clegg. Her sleep program is worth its weight in gold! We used it when my daughter was 5 months old. She’s now almost 6 and still sleeps 7-6:30 pm.

we paid for the remote support and I recommend her to everyone!

Devilsmommy · 11/10/2025 08:13

My little one was exactly the same. Crap naps and the absolute only way I could put him down in his cot was fast asleep after a bottle and me rocking him or just holding him on my lap til he conked out. Then it was the mission impossible style tiptoe out of the room without waking him😂 he started sleeping through and going down awake at 15 months and it wasn't from anything I did. They just do stuff when they want, not at all when you want 😅

BabyToothbrush · 11/10/2025 11:59

Mamaine · 11/10/2025 07:40

The benefit is that when he wakes up in his cot he knows where he is and falls back to sleep on his own! So at first he needed lots of support if he woke in his nap, shushing and patting and sometimes it didn’t work but the more times he fell asleep there the less help he needed, the same at night. Sometimes I would have to pat/shush him but that for me was better than a full pick up wake up because I didn’t fully wake up, and gradually as he got used to it now when he wakes between sleep cycles he realises he’s in his cot and he goes back himself.
should clarify that I’m not interested in having my baby in a separate room at this point nor will I be for a while so he sleeps in a cot beside my bed and so when he wakes up at night I’ll still be there beside him, so probably why it suits our circumstances so much :)

Show quote history

Ah, ok although I'm really not convinced the two are linked. My DC1 was sleeping through the night many months before she went down to bed awake. Whereas my DC3 sometimes goes to bed awake (albeit with me or DH there, he won't on his own) but still wakes a million times a night screaming and is not usually comforted by either of us just being there with him. DC2 also used to go to bed awake and woke tons of times a night crying and needing comfort between the ages of 11 and 16 months so didn't help there either.

BabyToothbrush · 11/10/2025 12:01

Devilsmommy · 11/10/2025 08:13

My little one was exactly the same. Crap naps and the absolute only way I could put him down in his cot was fast asleep after a bottle and me rocking him or just holding him on my lap til he conked out. Then it was the mission impossible style tiptoe out of the room without waking him😂 he started sleeping through and going down awake at 15 months and it wasn't from anything I did. They just do stuff when they want, not at all when you want 😅

Yes, this is my experience too. They're all different and it's easy to think we've done something to aid their sleep if you have a good sleeper but I don't think we really do. And I've run the full gamut with a great sleeper, a middling one and a terrible one. I don't think it's anything to do with what I've done it's just their personalities.

Bitzee · 11/10/2025 12:19

PUPD works best with babies under 6 months old. You may just be too late with it. The most effective way of sleeping training a 7MO is going to be with controlled crying/Ferber but I get that isn’t for everyone. It’s also totally ok to cosleep so long as you’re doing it safely.

Sofarsogood2 · 11/10/2025 22:16

PeachFinch · 10/10/2025 23:40

Thanks all.
I’ve already given up, we’re currently 5 wakeups in since bedtime and I don’t have it in me to persevere with pickup/put down when baby cries every time I pop her back down in her cot. I don’t understand how this is supposed to play out when baby pretty much continuously cries. I didn’t expect to find it this distressing, I chose this method as it’s a “gentle” method and have seen posts on social media where babies seem to adapt well but nope not my little one.

There’s no such thing as a gentle ‘leave the baby crying’ method. We are carry mammals. Lean into it. It won’t be forever.

SuperSugarHigh · 11/10/2025 22:35

I echo what everyone else has said. My DD was just like yours and honestly just do whatever gets you all the sleep you need in the least stressful way. We tried almost everything and it didn’t make a jot of difference long term. My daughter is now 5, turns out she naturally needs less sleep than a lot of children and is fine for it. The answer for us was cosleeping.

Mamaine · 12/10/2025 11:04

BabyToothbrush · 11/10/2025 11:59

Ah, ok although I'm really not convinced the two are linked. My DC1 was sleeping through the night many months before she went down to bed awake. Whereas my DC3 sometimes goes to bed awake (albeit with me or DH there, he won't on his own) but still wakes a million times a night screaming and is not usually comforted by either of us just being there with him. DC2 also used to go to bed awake and woke tons of times a night crying and needing comfort between the ages of 11 and 16 months so didn't help there either.

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Yeah I imagine it’s individual baby related honestly. We had made a good guess that was the problem for my DS because he had been sleeping through for a couple of weeks before the 4 month sleep regression and was suddenly waking up needing held and only contact napping and thankfully it did work for us. The other thing is from one day to the next he went from only going down by himself for his first nap and bedtime and contact napping the rest of the time to going down for all his naps himself and resisting contact naps just before he turned 7 months, literally just overnight so I would say it’s definitely a readiness thing too and that’s gonna be different for different babies

Peonies12 · 14/10/2025 14:42

BabyToothbrush · 10/10/2025 23:22

Can I ask though, What's the benefit to you that baby falls asleep in the cot with you beside them compared to baby falling asleep on you and then you put them in the cot? I can't see why the former is any better?

OP, my DC1 would go down awake for naps and bed time around the 12 month mark and DC2 around the 9 month mark. I didn't sleep train. My DC3 is almost 1 and gets hysterical instantly if we leave the room. The only real difference is that they've never taken a dummy whereas the first two had them which I think brought them comfort so helped their sleep. And different personalities I suppose. Nothing I could do anything about.

Show quote history

I agree with this, it's a myth that falling asleep independently stops night wakes. My 12 month has fallen asleep at bedtime independently for about 6 months now, she has never slept all night. It's normal for babies and toddlers to wake at night. Can you do 1 nap as a contact nap to make it longer? Might help get more day sleep. Otherwise cosleeping at night has helped get us all more sleep

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 14/10/2025 14:44

Yes definitely, short term pain for long term gain.

Sweetestp · 19/10/2025 20:26

Bitzee · 11/10/2025 12:19

PUPD works best with babies under 6 months old. You may just be too late with it. The most effective way of sleeping training a 7MO is going to be with controlled crying/Ferber but I get that isn’t for everyone. It’s also totally ok to cosleep so long as you’re doing it safely.

I used it successfully with my 10 month old when he got too heavy for rocking.. first night was an hour, and by the third night it took 5mins.

Original poster

PeachFinch · 19/10/2025 21:50

Mrsoftandhisstrangeworld · 11/10/2025 07:47

I think just accept you won't sleep for four years. It's actually better for you to acknowledged this, accept it and lean into it. Co-sleep for as long as you want.

Four years?!? 😳

OP posts:

Original poster

PeachFinch · 19/10/2025 21:53

This makes sense to me.
I gave up and have been co-sleeping at night and contact naps during the day to try and catch up with baby’s sleep debt, but I’m motivated to try putting down baby drowsy but awake in cot for the first nap tomorrow

OP posts:

Mrsoftandhisstrangeworld · 19/10/2025 21:55

Yes both of mine didn't sleep through until they were four. Both woke hourly. I work full time. I was dead. Co sleeping and sugar got me through