How to manage a badly sleeping baby with a toddler and no dummy

[mumof2boysanddone]

I’ve never posted on here before but I’m honestly desperate for help or guidance. I have a 3 year old and a breastfed 5 month old. I can no longer cope with the lack of sleep. My first was formula fed, loved a dummy and was always a great sleeper from day one. My second is obviously breastfed, will not take any dummy and is completely offended by one. The 5 month old doesn’t sleep in his cot for more than 45 minutes ever. He is literally waking every 45 minutes. The problem I have is that I know you shouldn’t feed them on every wake up but he doesn’t take a dummy and we have found no way to settle him and stop him do the loudest most screeching cry ever. To add to this my 3 year old has recently stopped having his dummy (dentist told us off, he only ever had it overnight and never in the day) and now is waking frequently in the night asking to sleep in our bed or us sleep with him which we can’t really do because of the baby but also don’t want to get stuck in that cycle. Im constantly worried about the baby waking my toddler up overnight so I just feed him because it’s the only way to stop him screaming and waking the toddler up. We’re also debating whether he has silent reflux and are waiting to see the GP as he’s never been settled really, hates the car and not keen on the pram, coughed when feeding and doesn’t want to lie down etc.
long story short does anyone have any advice on how to manage a baby sleep without unsettling your toddler with a baby who wakes frequently and will not take a dummy. (And no offence but please don’t reply with why do you want them to take a dummy as you’re there comfort etc as I am pro dummy and know how settling they can be for the child)

Your baby is cluster feeding. It’s doing nothing wrong

When we had such children we split the task and made Dad the primary care giver to the toddler and me the care giver to the baby.
Set up a comfortable bed in toddler's room and have his Dad wake up always to attend to his cries. Give the dummy back for night times as a last resort after offering water and toilet visit. After a while you will not hear toddler and your DH will not hear the baby.
You then are free to only wake to the baby and cluster feed as he needs sometimes. Your baby might sleep better once tastes of solid food are part of his diet. The GP check up is good. Baby might have a sore ear, a UTI, worms or tummy gas etc.
One of my children would 'choke' at the dummy and it was no use at all.
Catch up on sleep during the day while your partner takes the kids around the block and to the park in the pram.

Oh OP that’s a lot, I’m sorry. Could you try slightly raising the head end of your baby’s cot in case it is silent reflux?

in your shoes I would give the dummy back and fight that battle another day. Lack of sleep is horrendous and if you can make it better for yourself while you sort your baby out then that’s what I would be doing.

big big hugs xxx

What about buying your 3 year old a comforter and telling him this is the ’big boy version’ of a dummy? Maybe let him go pick it himself and tell him it’s his magic sleep friend or something along those lines!

Give the toddler the dummy back! My daughter had her dummy at night until she was 4 and just naturally gave it up, teeth are fine. Do whatever you have to do to get through.

Also failing that, i would honestly just give the dummy back, if he only had it for overnight sleep a few more months won’t make much difference and by then your baby’s sleep might be more settled! do what you need to do to survive, the dentist told me i shouldn’t be giving my 4m old a dummy the other week when i took my toddler and i just laughed and said why don’t you come settle him at night then 🤣 do what you need to do!
Aslong as his speech hasn’t been affected it will be okay x

Another vote here for give your toddler the dummy back! Thank you dentist for the advice but actually sleep deprivation and mental health in tatters is slightly more pressing than an extra few months of the dummy. Honestly just do it to give yourself some breathing space until your baby is in more of a routine. An extra few months is not going to do any harm, loads of children still have their dummies at that age

Yeah you should feed your baby whenever they ask for food. They could just be thirsty. They could just want comfort. I also have a 5m old who sleeps soundly all night next to me and is fed throughout the night on the occasion she wants a little drink.

I've been back at work for months and had no sleep deprivation.

Respond to the baby and you'll be fine.

Or keep trying to force an infant to not act like an infant and be knackered I mean it's up to you.

They have an innate suckling reflex and not allowing them to satisfy this is of course going to cause them upset. I don't know why people choose to live like this and make rods for their own backs by refusing to allow their babies to form secure attachments. Sleep deprivation is horrible, it's a bizarre way to live.