Share your bedtime routine with 2-2.5 year old DC - we need a change!

[muddledig]

We need an overhaul of our bedtime routine, it’s not working for us any more and we’re a bit broken. Hoping for some ideas to shake things up a bit, preferably that don’t involve leaving him to cry.

DS is 2, he’s been EBF and I’ve always rocked him to sleep, then put him in his cot. But he’s 90th percentile and I can’t do that any more, he’s too big and heavy and I’m starting to think it’s making it harder not easier for him to settle. Also feel ready to stop breast feeding. He’s daytime potty trained fairly recently but not night time.

He has a nap around 12/1pm which we are currently capping at 1 hour and planning to reduce further. He eats well, sleeps well (once he’s asleep) and is happy at home and nursery 3 days. He doesn’t have much screen time at all, today he had none. Ran around at the park all morning, pushed a trolley round at the shop and went to soft play this afternoon - I was trying to make sure he was tired. It doesn’t matter though what we’ve done during the day, every night is the same. He wasn’t asleep until 9:30/10pm tonight, despite yawning and telling me he wanted to go to sleep at 6pm. I was trying for 2 hours to get him into bed before my husband came home from work and took over. I feel really anxious now about bedtime and I’m sure that must come across to DS, although I am very calm and patient with him and don’t deliberately share my frustration with him.

I’ve tried putting him in his cot and saying goodnight and he screams. I appreciate that after a few nights he will probably get over it but I’m not really enthusiastic about that approach if there’s other options we can try first. We’re thinking we need a completely new routine - currently dinner, books, bath, milk, bed. Perhaps a new set up (eg new big boy duvet now it’s getting cooler or transition to toddler bed perhaps) would also help. For info he usually wakes around 7-7:30am and some days we have to wake him for nursery, so shifting his sleep earlier would help with that, too.

Thanks for reading this far, would love to get your ideas on what works for you and some things to try - Thankyou again!

Hello, so we have a 2.5 year old and have had to mix up her routine recently as she's recently started nursery and needs a bath as soon as we get home. She does.
Wakes: somewhere between 6:30 to 7:30
Nap: roughly 12:30 - 14:30 but varies depending on what's going on.
Bedtime:
Bath as soon as we get in
Pyjamas
Snack/play/books downstairs
Teeth upstairs
Bed and lights out by 8:00

She has a floor bed (4ft double mattress on the floor) and we lie on that with her until she's asleep which takes about 10 mins. Would def recommend a floor bed - she has a 4 tog single duvet which should last her a while.
If you're thinking of introducing a duvet, I'd do it now before winter sets in because it takes them a while to get used to it.

What worked for us was not doing any bedtime routine upstairs aside from toothbrushing, after that it was all downstairs - pyjamas on, book, cuddle, then carried up to bed. Once in their rooms it was lights off, no nonsense and time to sleep, and it rarely took more than a couple of minutes.

Occasionally they’d start fannying about while still downstairs, but there was no way I was turning their bedrooms into a battle ground or having to pretend to go to sleep with them. Madness.

DS is 2.5, has an older sister he shares a room with. Sleeps in a normal single bed. Naps are every day but variable, between an hour and 2.5 hours, never been able to work out why. He stopped bf a week ago but hadn’t fed to sleep for ages, he just stopped asking and would feel during the day as he wished.

At nap he says when he’s tired, I pop a nappy on him (he’s potty trained but not for sleep) then lie next to him and he nods off. He gets up when he’s awake and comes downstairs.

Bedtime both DC do teeth, wees, pjs, couple of stories, same music is on a loop all night, I lie next to him and he goes to sleep. Takes a few minutes usually. When DH does it he sits on the floor and holds DS’s hand till he nods off. He still has his dummy for going to sleep which we’ll stop before he’s 3 but not yet. And we read the rabbit sleep book which is genius. Sometimes if he’s taking a while to settle or I need a wee or something I’ll say I’m popping out and I’ll check on him and he’ll go to sleep by himself. I’d never ever leave him to cry. He usually sleeps through but sometimes comes in with us, just climbs in between us and goes straight back to sleep.

He hasn’t had a cot since he grew out of the next to me when he was little. We moved from that and bed sharing to a floor bed in our room and bedsharing. DD fucking hated her cot and it was so stressful trying to get her in it I didn’t bother with DS. Yes they can get up and out by themselves but I don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s just a shift in how you view things.

Tonie box helped and coming back to check on him when he was still in cot. Since he started escaping and I had to take a wall off it, I know need to read a story to him while he has his milk, then read another story then sit next to his cot and he cuddles my hand till he sleeps

Thanks @Higgledypiggledy864sounds like switching from the cot could be a chance to reset the whole routine - thanks for recommendation for floor bed will take a look and tips for duvet.

Good tips, thanks, and yes definitely good to be consistent in the routine. Generally after bath (most nights) he seems very sleepy and ready for bed, gives big cuddles and says goodnight. The fannying around generally happens downstairs for us when we’re trying to get him upstairs!

@AnneLovesGilbertthanks I have ordered that book! I have also a couple of times done the “I’ll just put you down because I need a wee” trick and he’s gone to sleep after a few mins with no fuss, but doesn’t always work. Apparently at nursery he puts himself to bed for nap time!! Ours has no issue with his cot, has never attempted to climb out. In the morning when he wakes up he lies there singing random songs until someone comes to get him! But I think being able to cuddle with him more easily might help and it’s not a cot bed.

@Unexpectedlysinglemumsounds like the hand holding thing is a good option, so you’re still there for support but not actually carrying them. I try and sit down and cuddle him but then he says “mummy stand up” so I end up pacing the room with him. Have tried lying down on the floor next to him when he’s in the cot but he thinks it’s a game and starts giggling. But maybe with new bed it would be different if next to him.

Honestly feel a bit frustrated with myself to have let it get this far, but we wanted to do one thing at a time and decided on potty training first - but that was when he was consistently asleep at 7:30/8pm. Started looking at new bed options, thanks all for input, great to get a different perspective on things.