Does anyone else get BAD anxiety when you hear the baby on the monitor at bedtime?

[AmberM223]

This might sound ridiculous. But our first born was a horrific sleeper, i mean 0-6m woke every 30 mins EVERY night- it was hell. Put me off having another. Anyway 2.5 years later thought let’s go again, 2nd baby is much more content, a ‘good’ sleeper if you can call it that. Doesn’t sleep through but only feeds once, needs a dummy put back in a few times now and again but usually sleeps a good 6-8hours straight first half the night so all in all very good.
ANYWAY - i find that now when i put baby to bed, if i hear him on the monitor stirring or upset when he’s been put to bed i get the absolute worst anxiety. I stress and get so worked up that this is it, he’s never going to sleep properly again. I have been diagnosed with ptsd from my 1st baby, but i just don’t know if these feelings are normal! I have knots in my belly and go straight to panic mode.

No, I used to get frustrated, I wouldn’t say anxious. But then my first was an alright sleeper and second was horrific, maybe if I had a third that slept alright I’d also be worried they’d turn into a terrible sleeper as I know how awful it can be.

Hi OP, yes I can totally relate to this (although my kids are now a lot older) my first was a terrible sleeper for 6 months thanks to colic, I ended up with PND.

My second had silent reflux but we managed to get that sorted so he was much more content from about 3 months onwards but the crying through the baby monitor would induce fear in me. It’s hard to explain but I’d start spiralling and think ‘that’s it, I won’t be sleeping tonight’.

I’m sure we are not the only ones who feel/felt like this and won’t be the last! Lack of sleep does indeed send you round the bend and does all sorts to your brain. It definitely stopped me from thinking rationally!

This is so weird that I’ve come across this today as first thing this morning I was googling If this is normal. Last night I had a full on anxiety attack about it and I don’t know why. So I can’t offer advice but you’re not alone x

Yes, very much so.

My eldest was an awful sleeper for two and a half years. It wasn’t until years later that I realised I had very bad PND during this time and it was pretty much all down to the lack of sleep.

When she was a baby I would get anxiety as bedtime approached, as I knew I was in for an awful night, every night.

There is a large gap (5 years) between my first and second purely for this reason. And yes, with my second, I felt that same anxiety you are referring to.

I’m sorry, it’s horrible.

Yes! It’s a stress response. In the pits of sleep deprivation with mine, when they woke at night my heart would start absolutely pounding. Such a precious time…

3 years on and still the same. She’s actually a very “good” sleeper, but it just brings me back to having to sleep with noise cancelling headphones on with white noise turned up to max (my DH was on baby duty) because I couldn’t stand the sound of her stirring or crying out in her sleep.

Yep I actually can’t cope it makes me feel unwell. I think its some form of ptsd from my
firstborn. I get a pain in my chest and I can’t cope. My husband does night wakings because I lie there feeling dizzy and my heart races. I’m generally an easy going person.

Wow! did not expect others to feel the same, i gent thought i was being so silly. Not that im glad others feel like this, it’s awful but i feel better knowing im not alone.
My first had god awful colic, reflux, cmpa you name it so when i say he never slept god i mean it. I had really bad pnd and like i say then have been diagnosed with PTSD. It is a wonder i thought lets have another haha!

I can totally relate to the feels you have all described, its like a full on panic attack at the slighted murmur through the monitor, i start flapping round like right that’s it, i wonder what’s changed he’s never sleeping again ‘i knew this would happen’ often comes out! I think it’s just the constant dread of having another baby that doesn’t sleep, it’s like i’m half waiting for it to happen.

Thanks again for all your responses really do appreciate it x

@Leopardspota 100% relate to these fillings this is exactly how i feel, it’s awful x

My DS is 9 and I still remember the anxiety over the monitor, he was such a terrible sleeper.

I had the closest I have ever come to a panic attack over hearing him wake up again one night over the monitor. It was awful. I had PND but the lack of sleep made it 100 times worse.

DS sleeps very well now but I still have some residual anxiety about his sleep after those early years.

I can relate to this. I used to be in edge the second mine went to sleep, as I knew it would be an hour if I was lucky before thry woke up. Also, completely different, but my babies were both really high needs, colicky crying babies. If they were awake, they were screaming, and even to this day, 10 years later, if I hear a baby crying I instantly feel completely on edge and panicky. I think it triggers some ptsd from when I had small babies who screamed at me 24/7. Sometimes that feeling of panic can stay with me for hours afterwards, totally irrational as they aren't even my babies!

Yes I have this but only since I've had DC3. We had some bloody tough times with the first two, but neither were anywhere near as bad as DC3. And since his incessant night time shrieking also frequently wakes up both the older two children as well. Many nights DH and I are up down up down like yoyos. I think the only things that get me through is 1) the fact that with this being my third I'm optimistic that it won't be like this forever and they will sleep eventually!! And 2) that me and DH really are a team and both in the trenches together.

@AmberM223 my eldest was actually a good sleeper- it was me that didn’t sleep because of my anxiety that was driven by the first few months of her life. As a toddler she’s started waking now she’s not in a cot and is potty trained but weirdly I’m fine - I think I feel more in control because I know I’ve got options by talking to her or putting her in my bed (don’t do this often).

My baby is a good sleeper but has been ill recently and waking up, the night time panic has returned and my husband has to step in, I do feel like a light weight mama. I said to my husband this is why we can’t have a 3rd.

its strange as I’m not generally an anxious person, I’m not someone who ‘can’t cope with life’ I just can’t cope with baby waking.

@Leopardspota I absolutely get what you mean! Our toddler wakes now and again, sometimes a bad dream, just wanting a cuddle and hearing him scream ‘mummmmmm’ down the monitor doesn’t bother me at all??? just more ‘for god sake i was having a nice sleep😆’ but sitting in the living room watching tv and hearing the baby monitor go off sends me under. Our littlest is only 3m old so i know there is lots of sleepless nights to come teething / regressions etc and i think that’s what scares me, im always on edge waiting for that one night it all goes to cr*p. Just bizarre isn’t it how a bad experience in the past can do this to you, i honestly thought i was being pathetic and no one else would get like this!

Your defo not a lightweight mama though!! it’s a good job for supportive partners though i do think! My DH is the same, will always step in and get sense when im getting worked up and overwhelmed which is good

But @AmberM223 i really empathise and hope you find ways to relax. I found going to bed really early helped and putting the baby monitor on mY husbands side.

Yes I'm going through this, I hate the feelings it gives me 😓 I get it with naps in the day too, especially when its just me at home. I find baby sleep a minefield tbh and we're in a period where sleep is very up and down. I genuinely think this will be our only baby, as the anxiety it gives both me and my husband is quite intense!

@GiftWrappedSuburbanDreams it seems it’s very common, more than i thought! I relate to the naps too. As it happens i’m sat next to monitor now while LO is having a nap and i feel a knot in my belly waiting for him to stir 🫠 it’s awful!!
I was the same with my first, his sleep was honestly dreadful. But i’m glad it hasn’t stopped me from having another, despite how horrible this feeling is. I remember it absolutely getting better around 1 year old though, and now i don’t worry at all when the monitor goes for my nearly 3 year old, i literally don’t bother in the slightest!!