Help getting 6 month old Son to sleep in own bed.

[Mummymoo2022]

I really need some advice on this. My Son will be 6 months old next week and is on and off in his bed and mine, he is still currently in a next to me next to my bed but with the sides up but I really struggle to get him to stay in there for more than 30 minutes at a time! He is both formula and breastfed, doesn’t take a dummy and is currently cutting his first tooth however he has been like this with his bed since the beginning.
i have tried -
Dark room
White noise
Night time bottle in bedroom with rocking til drowsy before placing in cot.
Placing in cot whilst in a deep sleep
breastfeeding til asleep and placing in cot
he doesn’t wake when I place him in his cot just the time after which can be 5 minutes after to 30 minutes after and will not calm down unless picked up and rocked.

Nothing I do seems to help so any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Hey i am sorry for your struggles. I think teething really messes things up so just do what you can to survive.

"Night time bottle in bedroom with rocking til drowsy before placing in cot.
Placing in cot whilst in a deep sleep
breastfeeding til asleep and placing in cot"

These things in particular are likely to be making it worse not better (although I definitely remember the temptation to try anything and everything!). You don't want him to think of food as they way to fall asleep.

The trick is teaching him to fall asleep on his own. Not easy!

Things I would suggest trying if you're not already:

• Have a fixed bedtime that is at least 3hrs after the end of his last nap so that you know he's definitely tired.
• Have a good bedtime routine that - crucially - keeps feeding distinct from sleep e.g. feed, nappy change & pyjamas, stories/lullabies, white noise on, down into next-to-me (awake but hopefully sleepy).
• Soothe him in the cot until he's mostly asleep. Aim for him to be about 90% (but not 100%) asleep and then leave. Once this is working, aim for 80%, 70% etc.
• If he gets distressed go back, but don't pick up / feed just soothe and leave again at the 90% point (you have to stick with it for it to work).
• Decide when overnight you are ready to feed again. Maybe every 4hrs to start with? So if you feed at 7pm before bed, commit to no feeds again until 11pm. Even better if you have someone else who doesn't smell of breastmilk to go back and soothe before this time.
• Try and commit to not bringing him into your bed. In fact, at 6 months you could even consider moving him into his own room now so that there is less risk of disruption but that's up to what you would be comfortable with.

Having said that, if he's definitely teething you might want to just cling on a few weeks before making changes!

Good luck! x

Honestly, I would lean into the co-sleeping. At least for as long as you’re breastfeeding. It won’t be forever and it means you’ll get more sleep than if he’s in his own room. The idea of putting six month olds in their own bed and own room is quite a recent, western notion, fuelled and encouraged by the sleep industry - manufacturers of nursery furniture, sleep monitors etc!

Thank you @HelpMeUnpickThis

@ZippyKoala thank you so much for your advice.

last night we tried something different, I took on what you said and we did bottle first. He woke up from his last nap at 4:15, had something to eat at around 5pm, played for a little bit, bottle was at 6:30, bath at 6:50 get ready for bed, calmed down and rocked until drowsy, he fell asleep with my hand on him and I left and he slept for 35 minutes and woke crying. He wouldn’t settle with patting or shushing in his cot so took him out and rocked multiple times and then he just kept waking and crying inconsolably and getting himself worked up every time I put him back down, this went on for 2-3 hours and it wasn’t worth it!

I would put him in his own room but we are currently in a 2 bedroom flat and didn’t think putting him in the bedroom with his 3 year old sister is a good idea as I don’t want him to disturb her sleep.

I really don’t know what will help him!

@SunshineAndSh0wers We have been co sleeping which is fine but then I find he just wants to feed all of the time and me and my Husband would like the grandparents to have him for one night so we can go out together as like all parents we don’t have any time together at the moment as when he’s ready for bed I have to go to bed! I will also be returning to work in January where my Mum will have him and my daughter one night a week and I can’t let my mum have him when he won’t sleep in his own bed or without the boob!

@Mummymoo2022

I hear what you are saying but just a couple of comments (only based on my own experience only - not an expert).

With my first DD i was so all over these techniques / routines / forums trying to force my baby to stay in her cot.

With my 2nd I was too tired to fight (😩😩😂😂) so I just co slept and yes, i just let her feed - as long as I could be lying down ie resting (no rocking shush patting up and down the corridor back and forth between rooms) I just let her feed.

The irony of it all is that she weaned herself!

I do empathise with the return to work but you do still have time.

Also re night away / couple time - it might for now have to be limited to a nice dinner and then head home; just for now.

If you do have a grandma sleepover I bet you he will settle for her!

ThIs stage WILL pass and it is a stage.

Are you giving any pain relief for the teething?

Hang in there.

If you want him to sleep in his own bed he has to knowingly fall asleep in it. So no feeding to sleep, no rocking, no transferring whilst asleep, not even drowsy- ready for sleep yes but he has to be awake and aware of where he is. Honestly it might be hard to achieve without some degree of crying. If you’re up for it Ferber will likely be very effective and have him sleeping in the cot in 3 nights but it is divisive and not for everyone. If that’s not the route you want to go down then I’d fully embrace the cosleeping for now and revisit in January ahead of you returning to work. You might well find that he’s less dependent on the boob when he’s progressed with weaning and on 3 solid meals a day.

That's a great start that he fell asleep in the cot just with your hand on him!

The only thing you can do from there is persevere with soothing him in the cot. (And it probably will feel worse before it gets better).

But if, as you say, you're not feeling its worth it at the moment then as a PP has said, stick with the co-sleeping / night feeding approach until either a) he weans naturally or b) you're ready to try again.