Baby does not nap

[Ente]

My baby is 10 weeks old and has decided that sleep is only for the night. In the last few days he has had two naps adding up to about an hour per day, and in the evenings was so overtired that he just cried until he fell asleep (we cuddle him while he cries), then slept through the night (8.5 hours last night without waking up). If he wakes up in the early morning I just feed him and put him back in his cot and he goes back to sleep.

In the day I can't get him to sleep at all. He sometimes falls asleep while feeding, but wakes up after 10-20 minutes if I leave him on me (and normally wants more milk) or as soon as I put him down. If I feed him laying down on our bed he sometimes stays asleep for a bit if I get up, but then I can't leave the room because it's not safe to leave him on his side on the adult bed. He can also sleep in the pram after about half an hour of walking until it stops moving. I tried rocking him in my arms today and he actually laughed at me.
I keep reading that he is only supposed to be able to stay awake for 60-90 minutes, but he just keeps wriggling for hours without running out of energy.
Does anyone have any advice how to help him sleep more in the day?

I can relate as my youngest didn’t sleep during the day and by four months was consistently awake for 12 hour stretches (nor would they feed during the day as everything was too distracting so they fed basically constantly through the night in a complete reverse cycle)

I couldn’t fix it as they wanted a dark and empty sleep space with no distractions and a person able to spend hours helping through their complicated requirements for sleeping and feeding including lying in a darkened room with them for the duration. What they got was a working mother of three who returned to work when they were 4 weeks and nobody was available to lie in darkened room with them for hours, but we all manage the hand we are dealt.

I can relate to the permanently overtired baby when breastfed basically constantly between 11pm about about 9am, who could be relied upon to sleep a 6 hour stretch without needing help by the age of 7years.

All I can suggest for you is that babies haven’t read the books. And that if you are able to use the tools you have for sleep, do so. The carrier is the best one so use that. If you can feed them in it so much the better.

Make a safe space you can lie in to feed so you can sneak off when they do sleep. 100% considering light levels. Don’t bring artificial light into a sleep space, no phones of blue lights, and keep it actually dark if you can. Not just shaded but dark, and remember sleep begets sleep so the more you can get in during the day the more chance you have at night. I understand if you don’t want to take my advice as my youngest was very crap at all of these things but in these are the things I would have done if I’d been able (and the 2 other dc slept much better!)

All 3 of mine were like this but gradually napped much better as they got older. I didn't do anything in particular. So hopefully you will find the same.

I had similar problem with my DD at this age, she’s 8 months now and likes a nap or two but doesn’t need excessive day sleep. I started doing naps in the sling, walking around the house or out and about and then eventually I tried naps in the pram which she accepted sometimes. Could you try that? The sling was a game changer! I wouldn’t let your baby sleep too much during the day though, it will ruin night sleep. What I found helpful was totting up DD’s total sleep in the Huckleberry app, since about 3 months she’s only needed about 12-13 hours sleep in a 24 hour period so if I wanted her to sleep a solid 8-10 hours at night, she wouldn’t need more than 2 hours daytime sleep, it’s pretty accurate in that sense but I wouldn’t believe all the other stuff it says like ‘sweet spot’ etc.

Also I really recommend sound asleep guru on Instagram. She debunks sleep myths from parenting books.

I'd just go with the flow tbh. Get on with your day, use a carrier if you can, if he sleeps he sleeps and if he doesn't well at least he appears to catch up on it at night so that's a silver lining!

He hasn't read the books and knows/cares nothing for wake windows.

Two low sleep needs children here, both of whom had particular disdain for the advice about wake windows!

As he is getting overtired by the evening, I would try to facilitate a bit more sleep during the day – sling or carrier is often really good for this, or take a well-timed walk if the weather is decent, or just accept that you're having a bit of quiet time lying down with him.

Baby sleep changes a lot, and I'd say both of mine got a bit better about napping as they got older. Their schedules never looked anything like the books/apps, though.

@SheSpeaks when did it get better for you with your youngest.

@LegoHouse274 what would you say was the defining she when they got better.

Make sure you aren't leaving it too long between naps as being overtired makes it harder for them to fall and stay asleep.
First nap of the day, start getting him back to sleep after an hour awake.
After that, start getting him back to sleep after 90 minutes awake.

This is a myth, there’s no such thing as overtiredness it’s something ‘sleep consultants’ want you to believe. When a baby is more tired, they have better sleep.

https://lyndseyhookway.com/2023/06/29/the-overtired-deep-dive/

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/12MS3n6NC45/?mibextid=wwXIfr

OK, so when a baby gets super tired and upset and stressed, it's harder for them to fall asleep!

However you want to phrase it, they'll fall asleep easier if you get them to nap sooner.

Think about it, if you napped for several hours during the day, would you find it harder or easier to fall asleep? Baby’s sleep isn’t very different to adult sleep.

DS1 rarely napped unless in a moving pram or car. He was so bloody alert all the time. The GP even commented at his eight week check! By one year he stopped napping completely but slept all night from four months.
DS2 napped for two hours every day until he was three.

If I needed 16 hours sleep every day and could only stay awake for an hour or two at a time, then yes I'd sleep much better with lots of naps!

I can relate to this. I’ve got a 14 week old who won’t nap more than twice in the day for 45 mins, only in a pram or carrier or a contact nap. He sleeps well at night, about 8pm til 7am with three short wakes for breastfeeds.

is this within the range of normal? Should I be doing something to increase his amount of sleep? I’m seeing all this stuff about 90 mins wake windows and babies this age needing 60-90 min naps three times a day and it’s making me worry.

Has anyone had a baby like this? What happened next?

It's on the low side of sleep but if he's happy, active and developing well then I wouldn't worry.

Mine is nearly 4 months and has hardly been sleeping in the day, maybe 1.5hours max and then some sleepy feeds. Lots of fussing because he’s just overtired in the evenings. This week I’ve done a few buggy walks as well as putting him in the carrier sometimes and that seems to have done the trick for day time naps. However it does take some perseverance. Yes, I’m that person walking round the block with a crying baby.
4 month sleep regression hit hard last night when our sleep through the night child turned into a wake every 2 hours in the night monster. Super tired is an understatement. He’s down now so hoping he goes back to sleeping through the night! One can hope!

Not all babies need 16 hours sleep, for example mine only needs about 11/12. Everyone is different. My husband could nap for hours in the day and still sleep well at night, if I had even a 30 min nap, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night, it wluld take me ages to fall asleep then. I’ve never been able to nap well as an adult, apparently I didn’t as kids either.

I had a non sleeper, my advice is to just forget all about it. They sleep or they don’t.

They won’t grow an extra head or anything, so just get a good carrier and get on with life. It is honestly not worth worrying about. I know it seems important but it really isn’t and the whole sleep industry is just about £.

Once they are older you will realise what a load of old twaddle it all is.

It was gradual and of course they still had their moments even as they got older. DC1 from about 12 months napping was much easier, DC2 from about 9 months. They'd both to down awake for their naps nicely in their beds but they'd also sleep for shorter periods in the pram or car if we were out and about. DC3 is 10 months and still a short napper and can't go down in bed awake but he has very low sleep needs so it's easier in a sense that he is generally happy without the naps anyway so it doesn't matter. They're all different, my eldest had the highest sleep needs of the three. At 7 they often sleep more than their 3yr old sibling still.

Thanks for all the replies! For the last week, we have come up with a rough sleep schedule and tracked his naps compared to that. I have also accepted that 1. just have to let him sleep on me sometimes, try not to feel completely useless for sitting on the sofa and getting nothing done and even out the lack of physical activity by going for a long walk so he can so the next nap in the pram, and 2. he probably doesn't need as much sleep as the books say, which makes sense because I don't need as much sleep as most adults. I thought on the days he gets enough sleep it would be easier for him to fall asleep for the night, but this was not the case, it took hours of feeding plus some rocking, so he didn't end up getting more sleep in total.

In the mornings I feed him on the bed and can normally sneak away while he stays asleep for a good amount of time, which is fine for now but won't be safe when he gets more mobile. I hopefully have a couple of months to figure out what to do about that.

Snap. I just got to ised to leaving DS1 on the boon for 1 hour I got comfy in bed with snaxks and dri ks and headphones and listened to podcasts or napped myself. Once I stopped fighting it got better. He contact napped 80% of the time until he was 9 months old. Night time was equally as bad. Now at nearly 4 he loves his sleep and we have to wake him in the mornings otherwise he would be zzzzzz all day. He sometimes naps.
Point is do whatever to help him get the sleep in. Even if it means staying out for an hour or even 45mins. "Sleep needs" varies massively just speak to real life parents.

And he will change so don't worry. The only thing that made it easier for us was that we sleep on the floor on special mats and so I can leave him there safely and he can't roll off and hurt himself. Some babies do settle down around 4 months some 6. Or like mine 9 months 😂