Sleep SOS

[Mumofanimalsandbabies]

Baby has hit the dreaded 4 months and we are deep in the trenches. Trying a consistent routine, naps, dark room, white noise, red light, all the usual advice and following advice from HV/sleep consultant. But feel like his temperament is just that he won't settle himself. Waking hourly or more. And I feel the only way I can settle him is to feed (EBF baby). Debating switching to formula or combi feeding but this makes me feel so sad and in my heart I don't want to. Not that there's anything wrong with formula feeding but I've had a lovely breastfeeding journey and enjoy it most of the time it's just the sleep anxiety is setting in. Any advice or just words of support? I feel I'm the only one going through this, all the mums at groups and all my mum friends just have good sleepers! Makes me feel it's my fault?

I’m posting as a mum of a now 2 year old who went through an awful 4 month sleep regression. I can only say I know how hard it is, but you will make it through, I promise. I breast fed at every wake and somehow we came out the other side. There have been a few odd regressions since, but nothing has left his mark as much as the 4 month regression did. I can’t even tell you what we did to get out the other side, apart from survive! At 2 years old we now have 12 hours straight sleep (bliss!!!).

have you thought about expressing milk so you can get someone else to do a feed? I know you’re having a fab breastfeeding journey, but your sanity and mental health are important.

We're just getting past this stage. (Fingers, toes and everything crossed!) I feel your pain, I really do. Your baby isn't a bad sleeper, his sleep is maturing and it's definitely not your fault! I was getting such bad anxiety from the lack of sleep. For us it lasted weeks. But one night he just started sleeping better. He settles himself in the night and only wakes up once or twice to feed. We haven't sleep trained, just kept a routine. He's doing it all in his own time. Your baby will too, it feels like forever, but it will end! I also EBF btw, so in our case it's nothing to do with formula or a big bottle in the night to keep him going.
Keep up with your routine, you're doing amazingly. This is so tough and I feel for you, but you will get through it. 💐

It is definitely not your fault! Every baby is different (and not every mum at baby group will be being entirely honest).

Is there anyone else who could try and settle him in-between feeds? To try and break that association that nursing is the only way to get back to sleep.

To be clear there is nothing wrong with breastfeeding as regularly as you are, if you are both happy with it. But it sounds like maybe you're not and at this age (and assuming no concerns from HV) feeding every 3-4hrs should be fine and trying to settle in-between without a feed - which is easier if someone who doesn't smell of milk does it!

If you're breastfeeding him to sleep at bedtime it also might be worth trying to move that a bit earlier. Maybe feed, then change nappy, put on pyjamas, stories/lullabies and down into cot.

If you do decide you're limiting overnight feeds try and stick with it, even knowing it might make settling take longer for a while! Say if you feed at 7pm before bed, tell yourself you won't feed again until 10pm earliest - any wakes before that its just settling (ideally by Dad). Then first wake after 10pm you feed, but after that it's just settling again until 1pm (or whatever times you want to set).

This worked for us but babies don't have rule books unfortunately, so if it doesn't it's definitely still not your fault!! Good luck :)