7 months of sleepless nights, someone please help me!!!

[dazedmum]

From being around 8 wks to 16 months my daughter settled and slept through the nite no prob and was in a good routine, however, 7 months ago she suddenly started waking during the night,every night. She can wake up at any time and can be awake for 10 mins to 4 hours. Sometimes she whinges or cries and sometimes just mumbles to herself or shouts and screeches. Have made sure not too hot or cold, checked nappy, nothing scary in room, not too light. Usually there doesnt seem to be anything wrong with her and I think its just for attention. When she really is upset can tell cos of different cry. Have tried resettling her every 10 mins or so, have tried controlled crying, different nite lights, moving cot, stopping naps during day, stopped giving baby milk at night (in case she has too much energy) but nine times out of ten end up so tired and angry i scream and shout at her and shut myself in the living room with telly on (like a dazed zombie) so cant hear her until she eventually goes back to sleep. I know this is isnt the answer and feel so awful afterwards but tiredness just takes over and i snap especially as she still usually gets up at 7.30-8 after being up 4 hours in night. Feel like such a failure for not knowing what to do. Would like to return to full time work but feel this is impossible as my life is on hold until she sleeps properly. Am so completely run down and fed up really dont know what to do. Anybody, anywhere have any advice?? Please!!!!!

I can give lots and lots of sympathy. Sleep deprivation is crippling. I have been there (and then some!!!)

Please do NOT feel like a failure.

Have you had her checked medically for reflux/allergies?

you are not a failure sweetheart, tho i have also been in the same situation so i understand how it makes you feel

popsycal, shes 2 nxt month so dont think relux is a prob and as for allergies, nothing im aware of. Health wise shes seems fighting fit and to be honest has only ever had the odd cold.
I know im not the only person in the world to have this prob and there are ppl with far worse problems than me. Have had many ppl say their kids have done the same and then suddenly stopped. I think its just cos has gone on for so long and losing my temper the way I do and really not having a clue why she wakes up and not being able to just get her back to sleep makes me feel like im not a fit mother and really have no clue what im doing!!.
Have considered moving her into a bed but fear this may make things worse because if she wakes up and realises she can get out itll be impossible to get her back to sleep.
She has been with me pretty much 24/7 since she was born and has never really been that close with anyone else (i.e dad or nanna)is it possible that she spends too much time with me and this is causing her to wake up?? (thinking out loud!)

you can asj gp for a sleep therapist to come see you was having problems with my ds at this age and had sleep therapist come out

first rule was do the checks nappy etc in silence do not engage in conversation dont show your feeling anxious

one of the best things she showed me was to sit on floor with head down no eye contact no conversation and just every now and then sshhh its bedtime

it took 20 mins first night then got to less than 5 mins and he'd go straight back to sleep better than the hours of going backwards and forwards and screaming

then you can gradually move further away until able to virtually leave the room without he crying

its the ability to settle themselves off that make sthe difference and some children dont have that when they wake

it really does work as well just the comfort of knowing your there works wonders and saves tears from both at bedtime

also could it be back teeth playing her up my ds was also disturbed loads by the back teeth coming through so maybe trying to apply some bonjela

read story give milk as milk is known for its relaxing benifits so sleep therapist recommended the milk and then just sit there with no conversation no eye contact just wait until dozing then move away

good luck i do understand ds is 3 and only just manages to sleep through 4 out of 7 nights in his own bed the rest is on my bedroom floor but suits us well as we all get the sleep we need so no stress at bedtime

sorry for typos

the moving away would be after a few days when settling time has become less it really works wonders they will do everything possible to get your attention but ignore it i found singing alphabet in my head worked wonders lol

my ds used to point on floor in the end and would just go straight off to sleep and if woke in the night id do same thing ssshh sleep time and just sit 5 mins later back off to bed wonderful

about a year ago i was desperate as DS was waking up really early and I called a nanny service who specialises in night nannies. They either come just to give you a break and do the night feeds etc or they can trouble shoot and try and sort out a problem such as yours.

In the end i didn't actually need her to come over and stay as she managed to sort things out over the phone.

The cost was around £80 per night and she would have come over at 9 or 10pm and left at 8am the next morning. I was so desperate i would have paid anything to get some sleep!

She might be able to help you just by talking over the phone (for free!). Definately worth a try.

Dazedmum

DS2 turned 3 in March and only started sleeping through last week. And then he still has nights where he wakes once.

It has been a long haul for us and I have been where you are: lost my temper, cried, felt crap. It is truely soul destroying.

Do something for me - check her for sleep apnoea. Wait til she is asleep quite deeply then go and sit in her bedroom. Does she stop breathing? If so, don't worry! DS2 was investigated for it.

FWIW we put ds2 in a bed when he just turned 2 in desperation and it did help a little. But then the creeping into our bed started.

Thank you all so much for your advice, talking about it really helps. Wasnt sure about posting this as felt ppl would just think im whinging. Am going to check on her when shes been asleep for a little while to check the sleep apnoea (not something id heard of before) thank you popsycal.

And thank you bubblagirl will try what you have advised. I do give her cows milk before bed, its just the powdered baby milk have stopped. She actually settles and goes straight to sleep when I put her to bed its just the wakig in the night, which probably frustrates me as think if she can settle in 1st place why cant she do it in night. Suppose its the not reacting and letting them know how your feeling that is the hardest especially when so tired. Definately going to give it a try.

If dont get anywhere with that would consider contacting the night nannies for advice, thanks oneplusone, but as am at the worst side of poor right now having one stay over is definately not an option!

Thank you all again, it really is appreciated, just for ppl to care enough to sympathise which is more than I get from anyone else...

hope all went well for you last night

sleep therapists come out for free to help and they really are good

they gave me charts to record times of waking to see if any of it is at around same time which it was so gave me a technique to try going in hour before waking slightly turning them over and leaving them to settle back off

not waking them completely but enough to know and being dazed

also slice of toast right before bed with milk weird but he slept much longer and it did work

still do it now

my ds could go off to sleep it was he didnt know how to settle himself back off so just needed me to be there and was fine

also bought him a torch that shone stars on ceiling so when he woke he could play with torch until dozed back off it worked for short amount of time so was a help

Hi bubblagirl,

Last nite was better. She woke twice and did what you said both times and both times she fell back to sleep within 5-10 mins. Was much less stressful and also allowed me to watch her 4 a bit and saw that she moves around quite alot when asleep n bangs herself on the cot sides so think i might move her into a bed.

She does have a mobile thing on her cot that projects teddys and moons onto the ceiling, had it since she was a baby.

Have monitored the waking times before and it can be at any time which i think was part of what was frustrating!!

Will continue with what you advised and hope last night wasnt just beginners luck!!

Thank you so much again, feel more confident just to have something specific to try, thanks.

did you watch her breathing'?

HI popsycal, I did try.

Was on my way to do it and the 1st time she woke was just as i reached the door!! She didnt really have that long to settle before I went to bed and the 2nd time was just after i got in bed.

Am going to try again tonight as long as she doesnt wake up 1st!!

Will let you know.

Hi dazedmum. We used a sleep specialist, have posted info here - don't know if it might help you?

im glad it helped its not the long term answer but it helps quicken the time so you get to have some peace and quiet

the moving away thing didnt wok with my ds so stuck to sitting there he eventually learnt to settle himself

maybe it is time for a bed my ds was in 1 from 19 mths then you can do the settling routine in her bed and hopefully will be more comfortable what i found helped with my ds was to ask him where he wanted the bed

and when he started to get really disturbed at night asked him again and he chose behind his door found traffic noise by window was disturbing him as he is very light sleeper

good luck for tonight it does feel nice not to have the stress at night