20 month old bedtime struggles

[chasinghilltops]

Hi, hoping someone can help!

My DD has just turned 20 months and has always been a horrendous sleeper. Bedtime has always been a struggle but we’re really at the end of our tether with it now and I’m due my second baby in 4 weeks.

We have a consistent bedtime routine - dinner, play in her room, lights dim, get changed, story, song etc. We put her in her cot, say goodnight and leave. We then go back in at intervals when she cries. It doesn’t matter how long after her nap we put her down, the time between putting her in her cot and her being asleep normally takes an hour and a half or more.

She cries, throws her dummy away, chats, plays…acts anything but tired. But she must be, as at this stage she’s normally been awake between 6.5 and 7 hours. She still wakes overnight too. My DH and I are exhausted, we’re getting no evening together and I’m worried that we won’t be able to cope with a newborn to worry about too.

Her daily schedule is usually:
wake - 7-7:30am
nap - 12:15-2:15 (she doesn’t always have the full 2 hours)
get ready for bed - 7pm
in cot - 7:20ish

Any tips would be hugely appreciated.

Oh tough one :(

Things maybe worth trying, based on what worked for my 2yr old:

• Is the room dark enough / good temperature?
• Move the playing out of her room if feasible so that she associates it just with story, song bed (realise this won't work in all houses). Maybe even replacing the playing with a bath or something?
• Check dinner is at least 90mins before you're expecting her to sleep if at all possible (again, won't work for all families).
• Try moving bedtime a bit earlier. Seems counter-intuitive but toddlers find falling asleep really hard if they're overtired.
• You say she's playing - is there stuff in the cot / room you could take out to make it less stimulating for her?

When you say she's waking overnight is that for a feed? Just grumbling and falling back asleep or needing full re-settling?

I'm due in 7 weeks so I definitely feel you want to try and get it sorted before baby 2 arrives! Best of luck x

We are at 21 months and we feel your pain! I have assumed we are experiencing the 2 year sleep regression. I have spent a lot of time trawling through TikTok’s and YouTube for tips and the only thing we have found that work is - keeping her up later/shortening her day time nap.

We had a similar routine to you - roughly 7am - 7pm with a 2 hour nap around lunchtime. Now we are keeping her up until 8pm and keeping her downstairs with us. We have started to see her visibly showing more signs of tiredness and past 2 nights she has gone down without a problem. I am military with her nap time and she’s woken at 2 hours on the dot. Some advice online said to reduce nap by 15 minutes if no improvement seen but we haven’t had to do this yet. There isn’t any exact science with these kids but so far so good.

Good luck and you have every sympathy from me x

Totally sympathise as my 24 month old has also never been a good sleeper, at a year old I even forked out £200 for a sleep consultant and it didn’t work long term.
what has worked for us recently and had her sleeping through the night pretty consistently is we moved dinner to slightly later around 5.45/6. Then straight upstairs for bath/shower then no going downstairs after that. Some stories in her room then into her cot, I felt going back downstairs was too exciting with all her toys/ tv etc. Bedtime is now earlier and we’ve found this better, for her going to bed later never meant a longer lie or a better nights sleep.
Do still have evenings of contesting bedtime but it has got better.

@ZippyKoala thanks for the tips - I think we’ll try moving bedtime earlier, and maybe try playing in the living room before bed instead. Thank you. When she wakes during the night she needs a full resettle and won’t go back to sleep unless lifted out of her cot and cuddled on her chair. She doesn’t get fed overnight but this resettle usually lasts about an hour 😭

@Rosybud88 it’s brutal isn’t it? We’ve tried keeping her up later but I think she ends up overtired and when her nap is cut short she’s an absolute grump so must need the sleep. Thanks for sharing though and pleased to hear it’s working for you.

Hopefully something clicks soon, preferably before the baby is born 😅

@Timtam22 thanks for that, we’ll give that a try too. It’s just so tough when they get to this age, I remember thinking it would get better and still can’t believe we’re having sleep issues at almost 2 years old!