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Original poster

10 year old can’t fall asleep alone

13 replies

Anon444 · 09/08/2025 01:00

Has been on/off for over a year but now consistently every night. Says he is scared of something a friend told him (about a horror movie). We have discussed it at length and I have tried everything I can think of to help him. The problem now being that I am often up until the early hours of the morning and can’t function properly on so little sleep. I’m about to get him a double bed and at least I might get some sleep as well rather than lying on his floor. But I’d rather this doesn’t continue. I will admit there have been very cross words. His dad thinks he is just trying to manipulate me for attention. I am looking for practical suggestions to try and help him manage his anxiety at night.

OP posts:
MummytoE · 09/08/2025 01:03

I am In a very similar situation with my nine year old daughter. Every night is a saga. She often ends up in bed with me but I just want her in her own bed, putting herself to sleep. We did have a break through at the start of the year where she was sleeping in her own bed for a few months but it's all went to pot now. You have my sympathy

Rayqueen · 09/08/2025 02:03

Sounds like dad is correct, put your foot down rather than spending weeks discussing and discussing when in reality you need to put your foot down and stick with it. Having a few kids from toddler to teen they've all pretty much done the I'm scared of this or that. Yes we talk about it but no we never bring them into our bed and they all successfully sleep in there own rooms and beds.

cheesycheesy · 09/08/2025 02:19

Do not reward him wirh a double bed! You need to put your foot down

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 09/08/2025 02:25

He’s 10! Walk out, shut the door, don’t go back in again.

Safxxx · 09/08/2025 02:37

Get some stuff for his room he likes and put in some lightings...the projector lights are good we love the galaxy ones.
The more you stay with him the more he will get used to you and it will be hard for you both...don't get the double bed, you will end up sleeping there and the cycle will be hard to break....you need to be tough and don't give in.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 09/08/2025 02:40

My son was like this at that age because of the clown from IT. I used to get in with him and chat until he fell asleep. Miss those cuddles now.x

Wibblywobblybobbly · 09/08/2025 04:01

Personally I wouldn't be tough on him. He's scared and wants your support. It's wonderful that he trusts you to be there for him and sees you as a source of comfort. I wouldn't want to discourage this as he's approaching his teenage years.

Okay it's "just" a scary scene from a horror movie now, but if you shut the door on him and insist he deals with it alone, will he be as comfortable coming to you with the bigger things further down the line? Bullying? Drugs? Mental health issues?

I always plan to be there for my kids if they feel that they need me. I'm not going to apply my judgement as to whether they really do, because that will just teach them to self censor when they seek my support. I don't like the idea of my child lying in bed wishing I'd help and comfort them.

Sodastreamin · 09/08/2025 09:50

Wibblywobblybobbly · 09/08/2025 04:01

Personally I wouldn't be tough on him. He's scared and wants your support. It's wonderful that he trusts you to be there for him and sees you as a source of comfort. I wouldn't want to discourage this as he's approaching his teenage years.

Okay it's "just" a scary scene from a horror movie now, but if you shut the door on him and insist he deals with it alone, will he be as comfortable coming to you with the bigger things further down the line? Bullying? Drugs? Mental health issues?

I always plan to be there for my kids if they feel that they need me. I'm not going to apply my judgement as to whether they really do, because that will just teach them to self censor when they seek my support. I don't like the idea of my child lying in bed wishing I'd help and comfort them.

Exactly!

Sodastreamin · 09/08/2025 09:51

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 09/08/2025 02:25

He’s 10! Walk out, shut the door, don’t go back in again.

What an appalling, cold suggestion. The poor kid would never trust his mum with his feelings ever again 😳

Beansandcheesearegood · 09/08/2025 10:27

Ww had very similar with my dd at same age. We didn't go as far as sleeping with her but lots of reassurance and firm support too. Its a funny age- in between age. She's 12 now and although it felt like ut would never end it did. We made sure she stayed in her bed and we checked in her lots. Be careful getting a permanent set up lime a double bed etc for this reason as it starts to look like this is the way forward. We were always clear that at 10 we wouldn't be co sleeping so she knew, we said we would support her but ultimately she needed to understand she was safe.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 09/08/2025 10:44

Our Dd slept in our room until the day of her 13th birthday. She’s 19 now! It’s the only way we got any sleep.

Lots of kids are like this. It’s fear that’s driving them. Telling them to stop makes no difference.

I was the same, both my SIL were the same. He’s still a child with a child’s fear.

dairydebris · 09/08/2025 10:50

10 is such a transitional age, lots of fears swirling around. Theyre approaching puberty, secondary school, becoming much more aware of lots of things.

Get a double bed, stay with them if they need. Don't push them away at this time. If they are scared of the horror movie just say nothing to be scared of and use the time to discuss anything other than that. Kids often share fears and hopes before sleep, its a great time to talk.

I'm sad about everyone saying be firm, don't stay. This child will be a teenager soon and will not be so keen to share- rightly so. I wouldn't want to look back and find I'd pushed my child away. Push the fear away yes, but not the child.

RandomMess · 09/08/2025 11:17

I would just put his mattress on the floor of your bedroom. I wouldn’t want to start sharing his bed when he’s 10 tbh, sharing a room is fine.

I would hate to share a room too but that’s because I sleep better on my own. He absolutely needs the reassurance.

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