Am I being ungrateful and expecting too much?

[Momto22124]

Help!
My in laws are really loving with our children and have been such a great support in having them for us where they are not at nursery so I can sadly continue to work as we can't afford to live on one income.

They occasionally have my eldest child over night. Which is great! I know that some families dont have that opportunity.
My son is waiting for an assessment for ASD and ADHD. Also waiting for a referral to a pediatrician. Sleep at home is so difficult he is almost 4 and wakes multiple times in the night, night terrors, wet nappy or needs juice etc. It can take hours to get him to sleep.

But at their house apparently he sleeps through the night no problems. When he comes home the next day he is so overtired, his behaviour is exacerbated.

When speaking with my MIL it has come to my attention that basically he sleeps on the sofa still all night and goes to bed when he drops. There is 0 routine and ice cream for breakfast.

HV has said I need to speak with them but how do I do so without upsetting the applecart? They would take it as an instant attack rather than asking for support.

Thank you in advance x

Why would YOu speak to them and not DP?

As the parent of an AuDHD DC who only slept 3 hours a night u til aged 7 (yes, really!) you have my huge sympathy.
However, your PIL obviously don’t want to spend hours getting your DC to sleep, and instead want them to sleep through, so they aren’t up all night.
Much as you really want, & need, them to stick to the routine that works for you, they will want to continue to do what suits them. The only options are to not let DC sleep over with PIL so they keep to their routine, or put up with how they choose to do things in their home. There is no way, the age I am now (only in my 50’s but menopause is sucking the life out of me), I would be able to function on such disturbed sleep so, despite how my own DC was, I would have to default to the easiest option if I had a GC who slept as badly as my DC stay with me.
It sucks, sorry

Thank you so much I really appreciate your reply. Its lovely to know we are not alone❤️
DP has said something politely in the past but my MIL very much likes to be in control and is very against the fact we are having DC assessed and trying to prove to us there is nothing wrong with him 😫
I feel awful because honestly I knew parenting wasn't a walk in the park but I didn't ever consider the difficulties we face as SEN parents. Imagining it going on until age 7 sounds crazy 😭 but I think we just come to accept these things. My DC2 is a great sleeper currently but im waiting for the day to come 😂
I definitely think for the sake of a night 'off' I should just give in and let them be if they are willing to have him because not many people are will to have them when they have additional needs xx