Co sleeping

[Ttc2024xo]

So my LO is 8 weeks, since she has been born she has been sleeping in the living room due to work being carried out in the bedroom. First 2 weeks she slept in her next to me and dad done night feeds (she is breast fed but I was expressing milk as needed to rest).

Since she was 2 weeks old dad has been in the bedroom and I have been sleeping on the sofa, to begin with I kept falling asleep with her on the boob during the night feeds (I would lay down on my side and feed her, the next to me was pushed against the sofa so she would not fall on the floor).

We have quite a firm sofa and I have been researching safe sleep and now I put her down after her last feed in the evening in her next to me and then when she wakes during the night she comes onto the sofa with me and feeds and then sleeps.

Her dad has been unaware of all this, not because I was hiding it but because he's never actually seen it due to sleeping in the bedroom and us being awake when he wakes and leaves for work.

Today he was showing me a video he saw about co sleeping gone wrong and said he wants to make sure I'm ok during night feeds as he wouldn't want me to co sleep and something happen to our LO.

I totally see where he is coming from and agree his feelings are valid. However for the past 6 weeks I have got myself and my LO into a night routine and it is working really well for us, I explained to him exactly what we do and why I have chosen to do it, I explained I have done my research and I am confident she is as safe as can be but he is adamant he don't want me to co sleep and has said he will go back to doing night shifts if I want (he works hard and long hours so this is not what I want, I want him to get decent rest).

How do I essentially 'convince' him that what I'm doing is ok and I am comfortable doing it and me and LO is in a routine that works for us and he shouldn't worry about it, I don't want us to get into a debate about it but I feel like I should have the final day in the decision because I'm the one doing it but I also don't want him to feel as though I have disregarded his thoughts and feelings.

TIA x

So just to be clear you want to convince your husband that it is safe to have your baby sleep next to you on the sofa? That really isn't safe, and I'm fairly gung ho about thises things. Sofas/newborns and sleep do not mix.

He sleeps on the sofa and you and Lo in the bed would be my first move.

I co-slept with my younger DC but you absolutely must not do it on a sofa. It goes against all the safe sleep guidelines. Your DP should sleep on the sofa and if you are going to co-sleep you should do it in a bed with no pillow or covers that could get near your baby. See the Lullaby Trust for advice. https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/co-sleeping/

From the Lullaby Trust website:

Never fall asleep on a sofa or armchair with your baby. The risk of SIDS is 50 times higher for babies when they sleep on a sofa or armchair with an adult. They are also at risk of accidental death as they can easily slip into a position where they are trapped and can’t breathe.

So glad to see all posts above concurring… co-sleeping not ideal but can be made safer, but night sleeping on a sofa with a baby is never safe. Your partner is absolutely right and does not need convincing of anything.

I agree with all above… you go in the bed with the Next to Me attached. Make the bed as safe as possible in case you fall asleep while breastfeeding in side lying (no pillows or loose sheets, baby in middle of mattress, etc), but try your best to stay awake and then put your LO back into the Next to Me, where she is safest, once she finishes feeding. That’s what I did with my DS.

Hope you can find a safe new arrangement that suits you all 🩷

Agree with all the above. We came to cosleeping accidentally and quickly realised we needed to plan for it to make it safe.

Next to me properly fastened to the bed. Baby in N2M or bed next to you. Husband on tbe other side of you from baby, or on the sofa.

Absolutely fine for you to do side-lying nursing.

It's not enough for the N2M to be pushed against the sofa.

Look at the Lullaby Trust and The Happy Cosleeper (Isadora)

Also stuff like tying back long hair, making sure whatever you're wearing to bed doesn't have stray cords, check materials etc.

Your husband is correct on this one.

As PPs suggested, DH on sofa, you and baby in bed following safe sleep guidelines.

I'm a huge advocate of cosleeping, but like others say, cosleeping on a sofa is not ok, it's a SIDS risk.

You really need to be in the bed.

I totally get cosleeping. I did 4 weeks of sleep deprivation and that was it. It just wasn't for me. I'm back at work a week after the birth of my second, from home, baby sleeps through just as my first did from 4 weeks. Why?

Because I cleared one side of the bed of pillows, got myself a single duvet, and put baby beside me. I dangle fed with the opposite side boob during the night, (second one stopped night feeds at 3m) but does wake for comfort perhaps, and the boob is a godsend after late night nappy changes to get her to drift back off.

Baby is on a flat surface free from hazards.
Mum is fully functional without sleep deprivation.
Baby is happy.

I even tried a next to me with this one but it lasted less than 1 minute. She cried every time she was put in there.

My children would be in far more danger if I were sleep deprived than they are on a flat surface on a bed next to their mother sleeping soundly all night long.