3 years old and total bedtime meltdown

[burntoutandexhausted]

DS just turned 3 and is suddenly a nightmare st bedtime (and in the mornings)!
He screams “no” at me incessantly, kicks me, bites me, runs away and shuts doors on me. Constantly wants to keep playing or do the opposite of what I need him to do.
I have tried timers on my phone, visual timers, a visual board that shows things we need to do and in what order morning and evening. I offer choices rather than closed questions - “would you like me to put your pjs on or will you do it?” I’ve told him that hitting etc hurts me, I’ve removed myself from the situation and left him to it, tried to be gentle and offer hugs, offered space… nothing works.
I am exhausted and really dread bedtimes. He is really verbal and great with his words but is just so awful at bedtime. I am at my wits end and it’s only been a few weeks. Please tell me it passes? What can I do???

Well, we live abroad in a very warm country, so maybe this does not apply to you, but we just let her be. She turned 3 last month and has started not wanting to go to bed either. Taking into consideration the extremely hot weather, and nights drawing in well after 21.00, we let her play until then. When it starts getting dark, we gently move upstairs and start the routine: milk, shower, teeth, some talking about the day, if she would like to do something the next day.. Then again, everyone has a nap in the afternoon here so she gets some sleep then as well. I'm sorry if that is useless to you, because different schedules, different environment etc, but this is my experience. It was exhausting trying to get her to bed earlier. It's the summer holidays and we relax a bit. Come September she will need to get up early, so nighttime will hopefully re-adjust accordingly. Hang in there.

My dd went through a similar stage - we now do bedtime in stages, so play for a bit (timer on phone) or read a story, then next step in getting ready, then play or story, next step and so on. If she messes around then story or play time is removed, still messing around and one of her toys is confiscated until the next day. She's also completely in control of whether she plays at bedtime or has stories or a mix of the two and what she wears to bed (within reason - I wouldn't allow a thick jumper in this heat for example, but if she wants to sleep in a party dress then that's her choice).
So it still means we have a routine, but let's DD have some autonomy over it as well. It still can be a hard but much easier than it was. Good luck!