Unbearable 7 month old sleeping habits, at breaking point

[mads20]

It is 3:53 am and I am completely at breaking point with my 7 month old and her sleep. She has been awake since 2:16am.

The first point I will make is that I know I’ve made a rod for my own back in that she won’t go to sleep without being rocked, but this worked for me as it meant I could easily get her down to sleep whenever I needed as I’m usually doing bed time on my own with my 4 year old son also needing a bedtime routine. She has never taken to a dummy but will cuddle a snuggly or bunny once she is 90% asleep.

she has always been a night waker really, it was just for milk, fine, but over time I realised she wasn’t really waking just for milk but more so to just be awake. Around 5 months she started sleeping through but we very quickly realised if she was going to sleep through she’d be awake early the next morning from 5am. Fine. I can cope with an early wake up if I’ve had a full nights sleep.

however, now she is in the habit of split nights and early wake ups which means most nights she is waking up between 2&4 completely wired and then is awake for the day by 6:30am

i have tried dream feeding and not dream feeding, neither makes a difference. I have tried to be mindful with her daytime naps, but being out and about regularly these tend to change daily. I’ve tried pushing bedtime, creating a set wake up time, she has a consistent bed time routine.

I haven’t tried co sleeping and don’t really want to go down this route.

my son was always a pain to get to sleep but has ALWAYS slept through the night from about 4 months so I don’t know what is going on.

i can’t cope any longer. I have no support in the night time as my oh is either working a night shift or has a day shift the next morning in which he wakes at 5:30am for. On the few days where he doesn’t have work, he’s either just finished shifts so Is shattered or for some reason she sleeps through so I just end up doing the early wake up as I don’t mind it. But now, I’m exhausted. Mentally and physically I am not coping. And I’m beginning to lose my patience in the night with her - whilst I am very aware of myself and will often put her down and walk away to compose myself, I’m finding that I have less and less tolerance and will easily find myself at the point of having to step away for reasons of being so frustrated I need the distance

i have tried keeping her awake later before bed but she is absolutely shattered come 6:30pm and I also have my son to get settled and to bed (which is by no means a quick process and involves laying with him etc) so I often just have to get her put down so I can then start the next one. I usually am not finished with the bedtime routines until gone 8pm then have housework to do or dinner to eat and by the time I’m in bed I am completely exhausted but seem to cling on to my evening by mindlessly scrolling until 10:30 when I fall asleep knowing I’ll be woken in a matter of hours.

I know I need more support but how can my partner help me if he isn’t here or is working around the clock I can’t expect him to then take on the at home night shift also. I am due to go back to work at the end of September and the thought of having to do a nursery and school run by 8:30am and then sit at a desk on little to no sleep is making me feel unwell.

i don’t know what I am expecting from this post but I just needed to vent.

So sorry you're going through this. Split nights are no joke. My little one was up in the night at that age twice, but he did want bottles. The split nights usually happened when he was having a development leap. I think you need to change it in your mind a bit that you got super lucky with your first sleeping through from so young. Mine didn't until he was 15 months 🫣 and it wasn't anything I did. They just do it when they're ready. I wish there was a magic fix I could tell you but honestly there really isn't. Though I'd try making sure she's getting decent day sleep because if her day sleep is shit then the night sleep will be too. It will pass but it's a slog until it does

I don’t subscribe to that ‘you’re making a rod for your own back’ thing. The fact is all babies are different, some sleep amazingly well, some don’t. Almost all go through phases like this. My eldest did and it was torture. All I can say is, it will pass eventually. All the phases do and I agree, they usually coincide with some developmental leap. But I’m so sorry you’re going through it.

Can your DP not help out in their off days? So if they have say two days off a week I think it’s reasonable that on one of those days they take LO downstairs when they wake early and let you have a lie-in.

Part of the problem also seem to be DC1’s protracted bedtime routine. Reading to them is often enjoyable but having to lie with a 4 year old until they go to sleep might need some work towards independent sleep. This book should help you to set up some good sleep associations that don’t involve you being with them and give you some time back.

Can you eat dinner earlier too? Personally I couldn’t have waited until they were both asleep.

What does DC2 do in their wake times in the night? Do they want you in which case have you considered bedsharing for this portion of the night? If they don’t want you, are they crying or just ok in their cot on their own?

I think she definitely needs a set naptime as that will affect night sleep so much. Also, bedtime seems really early. Can you get your dinner before you start bedtime and then just rest when they're gone down