Is sleep training necessary for good sleep?

[Fireplacestockings]

Good evening 😊
My lovely LO is coming up to 4 months and has been waking hourly to 2 hourly every night for about 4 weeks. He's also waking up from naps after about 45 mins - 1 hour and needs settling back to sleep again. I think it's been the 4 month regression hitting early. As you can imagine we. Are. Tired.
From what I understand, this means their sleep cycles are maturing, which is great. But because my LO isn't able to soothe back to sleep, we have to comfort him until he's asleep again. We aren't able to put him down drowsy. He instantly wakes up and gets very upset. So we're putting him down asleep at the moment. (Not always easy!)
What I'm worried about is him not being able to learn how to sleep longer stretches on his own. So is sleep training necessary? Or will this be something he learns in time?

Omg no. Your baby is so young, this is completely normal and just part of parenting. You can help them to connect sleep cycles by gently soothing and giving it time. A lot of time. Some children sleep like this beyond 6 months, some don’t sleep through until after a year. It’s better to accept this as normal and part of parenting than attempt to fix something that isn’t broken - that creates a lot of pressure and stress esp if it doesn’t help
https://www.basisonline.org.uk/basis-information-sheets/

It's not necessary. Most reputable sources wouldn't suggest it until 6 months anyway. Even then, it's not necessary. Babies learn to sleep well as their brains (and appetites) develop and mature. Put your baby down asleep. You will not cause a bad habit. Drowsy but awake is a rarity just for the few. Many babies scream blue murder at being removed from parent's arms half asleep!
Before I had children I really thought sleep development was a linear process ie it started out rubbish because newborns wake and feed regularly then it gradually continually improved. That has absolutely not been the case for either of my two. Sleep has had good and bad periods. For obvious reasons like a cold, teething, regressions but also no apparent reason at all, and I have learnt to make my peace with it. For months and months I was agonising over why my baby wasn't sleeping, what am I doing wrong, but honestly I think sometimes it's just a stage they're going through. Yes I roughly guide daytime naps, ensure a quiet environment, right temperature etc, but beyond that in my experience there's very little you can do. Doesn't make it easier to bear though, so you have my sympathies!

No sleep training isn't essential. I worried about it with my first and thought she'd never sleep by herself but she got there. Was much more relaxed with my second. Babies are different, come sleep better than others it's just the way they are.

No, time will do it. 4 months is far too young anyway.

Going to probably get flamed for this but we did day / sleep ‘routine’ from when we got home from hospital. From the chatter in the NCT group chat their LO need cuddled to sleep still and can’t be put down easily (DD is 2 soon).

Every family is different and we find having a ‘schedule’ works for us 💖 taking Cora babies is what we followed loosely as my brain couldn’t comprehend baby led routines 😵‍💫

He will learn in time, so you don’t need to sleep train if you’re happy being woken every hour for the next ? months (could fix itself very soon, or as pp mentioned, could be sleeping like this until after 1). But if you’re exhausted you can do sleep training (which doesn’t have to be cry it out) now. I did at a similar stage and have zero regrets. I was a shell of myself (sleep had been bad since birth). After training I was a happier mama, he was a happier baby. Each to their own.

No, my son learnt to put himself to sleep at 7 months with absolutely 0 training. I don't believe in it at all. He just stopped wanting to be rocked to sleep. I wouldn't worry about what the internet tells you you should be doing, and do what works for you, whether it's rocking to sleep or co sleeping. Baby will sleep through eventually but 4 months is still so so little x

No it’s not and it’s a really cruel thing to do. Don’t get sucked into the idea

If you asked people from many other cultures about sleep training they have no clue what you're talking about and think it's ludicrous because the lack of sleep is simply what you sign up for when you decide to become a parent.

Sleep training is a really recent thing, and when they sleep is baby dependant. Mine didn't sleep more than 2 hours in a stretch, day or night, until over a year old. My friends baby slept through from 6 weeks 🤷‍♀️ neither sleep trained.

It's not necessary. All normally developing will eventually sleep through of their own accord.

It's a perfectly legitimate approach to take should you wish to in a few months time though.

You don't need to die of sleep deprivation. There is no value in being a martyr.

In a word - no.
There is nothing that will make your child magically sleep well every night until they move out 😂
just stick to routine and you’ll survive it! Xx

Some reassuring comments, good to know it can sort itself out. We've been trying to put LO down over and over again tonight, but he keeps waking after a few minutes 😪
I feel like sleep is getting worse and worse as days go on! Is this normal then? It's not even every hour, its every 5 minutes he's waking up.

They probably will sleep through eventually without sleep training but it might be years rather than months away.

@Fireplacestockings tummy ache? Reflux? Hunger? Aches pains etc. It’s not normal that he is waking up - when people struggle with sleep it’s more that they won’t go down in the first place. Possible he is ill / under the weather or something bothering him? Noise? Temperature etc. Check all the basics off and keep trying xxx

@babyproblems thank you, he wasn't uncomfortable from what I could tell. Sometimes he goes down and just wakes up quickly. Last night we had that happen quite a few times! He did a couple of stretches over an hour, one stretch was nearly 2 hours and felt so nice after. But the mornings are rough, as I wake up with dread due to sleep deprivation. 😔

Nope! It's just a money spinner.
I did whatever it took, Co sleep, feed to sleep ect ect until at about 12 months when my son started sleeping like a log. 14 hours a night sometimes. 16 month old daughter is a little more up and down but still pretty good! I've not done a single thing towards that other than appreciate the good days and accept the bad. Don't be fooled into thinking babies should be sleeping the same, they are all different and most find their way eventually!

Small children don’t sleep like adults.

You’ll find life a bit easier if you let go of the notion that a baby should be sleeping 7 til 7.

Accept that being tired and having broken sleep is part of parenting for a few years.

Sleep training isn’t necessary, kids get there on their own and a different rates.

I don't think it's necessary but remember that sleep training also doesn't have to mean leaving a baby to cry.

I worked on establishing a routine from birth, always tried putting baby down awake when possible etc and it worked out well for us.

I follow this sleep consultant and TikTok and really like what she has to say about sleep generally. There’s a tip of how to put babies down without them waking which has helped my son, though we do often have a few transfers still. She talks about low sleep needs, FOMO babies which I definitely have! My baby is fed to sleep and put down asleep at four months and he won’t sleep another way. Unless he’s in the pram or the car he will not settle to sleep any other way. We’ve tried and just had big eyes staring back at us like he’s confused about what’s happening. Some babies have different sleep needs and that’s probably less controlled by parental input that we think.

I’ve had some luck with longer stretches by capping his daytime sleep. Also what time are you putting him to bed? Most babies his age don’t sleep 12 hours at night, and that might not be until they drop to one nap a day (or ever). His sleep pressure might not be high enough if you are putting him to bed in the early evening which is why he’ll wake up so often. But if you’re already doing a later bedtime them feel free to ignore. It’s harder than the newborn stage for sure!

@toastofthetown How much daytime sleep is good for 4 months? He's probably getting around 3 - 3.5 hours a day. Bed time is around 8pm - 8:15pm. It's always awkward with the last nap as he normally wakes around 5pm, so around 3 hour wake window as his last one. Is that too long?

I had an extremely sensitive, high need, demanding, ear-achy baby.

The only thing that worked for us was breast feeding on demand snd co-sleeping. She grew out of it all eventually.

Most baby’s don’t sleep in a separate room on their own alone in this world. It’s weird, and not how babies evolved to develop.

Not expecting a 7 - 7 sleep btw! I'm definitely still expecting wake ups for a while and night feeds. Just hoping for stretches of maybe 3 hours rather than 1 hour at a time so we can cope a little better.

No it's not necessary. I never sleep trained and my daughter hasn't sleep trained her children.
Eventually they will sleep through.
4 months is tiny and it's normal for babies to wake regularly. I know when you are going through it , it seems like forever but it won't be.
My daughter co slept with her youngest children , she said it was much easier and it meant she actually got some sleep!
Her children very happily sleep in their own beds now.

It depends so much on the baby and what they need. My baby usually gets between 3-3.5 hours of naps per day split over three or four naps. He often has a really long wake window before bedtime because he refuses to sleep in the evening. Today he woke up at 3:10 and then started to feed to sleep at 8:30 (he’s asleep in my arms now pending second transfer to his cot!). He just wouldn’t sleep this evening and seemed pissed off when I tried to calm him, and he’s been in a good mood playing. I did want him to get some more sleep, but he had a sleepier afternoon so probably wasn’t tired enough. He tends to get 10.5-12.5 hours sleep each day, so really doesn’t need as much sleep as a lot of babies. I also read that sleepy feeding time counts as sleep too, so he probably makes up a fair amount of sleep that way too.

I'll go against the grain here and yes I did "sleep train" but to me it was called "getting into a routine". 21 years ago maternity leave was only 6 months and so I knew we all needed decent sleep to make it work. My son was also formula fed and so at night I would feed him quietly in the bedroom away from light and noise. He would naturally go around three hours and then feed again. I'd wind and pop him back quietly. Most times he would go straight off, other times I'd pat and soothe. In the morning I'd make the room bright by opening the curtains and put on some music etc. After 7 weeks he was sleeping from around 10pm until 6am. Obviously when teething came around I'd be more up and down but I always kept everything at night dark and quiet. Never left him to "cry it out". Without this I wouldn't have coped as my ex husband did bugger all and it was like being a single parent from day one.