Contact nappers: how do you deal with family comments & family occasions?!

[esperanzaa]

DS is ten months old and has simply never tolerated sleeping in a crib or cot. In the early days he would scream/cry, and then for the last few months he simply wakes on transfer. Every. Single. Time.

I have two questions for other mums who know what it’s like…

1. How do you deal with comments from family members? FIL in particular has started making some passive aggressive comments about how ‘you should really be in your own cot by now little man!,’ and PIL are obsessed about asking me ‘will he wake if you transfer him now?’ (Yes, yes he will!)

2. How do you navigate family occasions or meals where you need to socialise but your baby needs to sleep on you? I’m perfectly happy holding him, heavens I’ve been doing it for nearly a year now(!) but I’m just a bit worried about the prospect of an upcoming ‘do!’

Thank you 😊

Can you ask your partner to talk to them? It's nothing to do with them.

Unless they are sleeping in your bed or you’re asking them to take care of baby overnight then their opinion is entirely irrelevant.

Two of my three babies were very much like yours - they took the vast majority of their naps either being held or in a baby carrier for most of the first year of their lives and we bedshared at night.

Everyone had an opinion, everyone loved to tell me I was doing it all wrong - especially my own mum and sister.
But what I was doing was working just fine for me and the babies, so their opinions were like water off a duck’s back 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Fortunately I’m so bad-tempered no one dared say anything.

With the PiLs, why not start with trying to understand where they're coming from? Are you very tired? Or stressed by all the things you need to do and don't get a chance? Or was mil like that and she's projecting? Or do they wish they could look after baby but can't because he'll only sleep on you, or whatever other concerns they may have.

Whist I agree it is none of their business in a boundary sense your health and well being is very much their concern, or should be.

As for the event, you can't have everything. You'll need to sit when baby naps and either be out of the loop or waited on. Expect more people to voice opinions.

I’m not tired or stressed. Thanks to co-sleeping, tiredness hasn’t really been something I’ve experienced. As to where they’re coming from, it’s feels like FIL is coming from a place of judgement tbh!

Smiled and told them we all have our own ways of coping. Everyone was convinced she would be clingy and struggle through school. She is now 7 and I have been told so many times over the years how confident she is. Did her first day of nursery at 4 (I was made redundant just before getting pregnant then the pandemic hit). Ran straight through the door without a backward glance. She is now going into primary 3 at school and her first 2 years at school have been nothing but compliments from the teachers about her easygoing and confident nature. Her last report card said "X has absolutely no issues sharing how she is feeling in class." Which may well be teacher speak for she is a wee bossy britches. 😂 Oh and she sleeps fine in her own bed now having announced one day it was time.

i had it from some- 2 babies and both contact napped and coslept. When they were tiny I’d pop them in a sling to nap, it was a bit harder as they got bigger but usually shut down with a polite ‘we’re fine thanks’

the odd time the person didn’t drop it or say something like ‘well it’s me up every night so we’ll do what works’.
luckily my immediate family were supportive, and my mum and grandma were very happy to cuddle a sleeping baby during a nap. I do remember PIL visiting and on the first day said something about spoiling by contact napping but they quickly changed their mind after hearing the aftermath of trying to transfer to turn next to me that night.

Hi,
I have a 13 month baby we have just started to have successful transfers. We feed to sleep for all sleep wait 20 mins then transfer into cot (not sure if it’s because baby is just so much more tired now they are on the move or they are just more content now but I just took the courage one day to just try one nap and it started working :)
We do still contact nap for 1 nap a day and 1 in cot.

At a family event I just plan ahead so try and get some really good contact naps in and then expect any at the event to be short but enough to power through. I go out the way and anticipate a short 30 min nap and to be honest I like being able to get away from an event sometimes lol!

I get comments all the time about my babies sleep- ‘they usually nap anywhere if they are tired’ is the one that really winds me up!
I can’t really say how I deal with it other than replying - I am trying my best, I refuse to let baby scream so what do you suggest?
i think comments seem to come from people usually who are happy to ‘just let them cry’.
i know it’s so hard to not let them bother you but try to ignore them your doing what you know is right for you and your baby right now x