At my wits end with bedtime meltdowns!!

[2022FTM]

After any advice please!!

For the last 8 weeks or so, bedtimes have been an absolute nightmare with my three year old. She will refuse to wee/get dressed, scream, ask for a million things, bang the door and get out of bed multiple times. This happened almost overnight - as we had no issues with bedtime before.

Our routine is already consistent - wash, pyjamas, teeth, two books, cuddle & bed (with her star projector/pink noise on). I can't add any more steps as it already takes well over forty minutes! She is in nursery full time and most days we are home by 6.

I have tried explaining the next steps, giving her choices, staying calm, saying yes to what I can etc. but I am my wits end.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and found something that works?!

Thank you x

If you aren’t getting home until 6 then what time is bedtime?

We usually start bedtime around 7, to be in bed (in an ideal world) for 7:30

Does she have dinner etc wherever she is pre-6pm, or is it home at 6pm then settle, dinner & bedtime starting at 7?

Seems like she's exhausted. Full time is a lot, is there no way you can cut that down?

Maybe she wants more time with you. My children often avoid going to sleep because they want to hang out with me.

She wants to be with you.

I work full time, so unfortunately it isn't possible to cut nursery hours down (if I could, I would!)

She has dinner at nursery, so when we get home it's very chilled - usually a snack and listening to/reading stories before bedtime routine starts

If she wants time with you, could you start earlier at 6 or 6.30 with the stories or something of her choice where she gets your full attention, even watching relaxing tv together wIth her? Then miss out the 1 or both.of the books later?

It sounds like you are on a bit of a timer, aiming for bed by 7.30 if you're lucky etc., that is how work life is, and most busy adult life works. But toddlers live in a much slower world, with no project deadlines, no idea of time, so it may well take more than 40 mins, but it is time when you can enjoy each other's company.

Our evenings are already very chilled, with us reading/listening to stories or playing together up until bedtime routine starts.

If I leave bedtime any later she will be absolutely shattered - then once she is in bed I still have to do all the other things like dinner, tidying, getting everyone ready for tomorrow!

Looking for anyone in a similar situation - who has found something that makes bedtime calmer for everyone involved 🤞🏼

It’s so hard being a FT working Mum. Is there anyway you could break the whole thing up - so for example, get in at 6 and straight for a wash and PJs. Play for a bit or whatever she wants to do, then book. Only take her up for teeth and bed. Could be the full on 40minute countdown (to something she doesn’t really want to do) that is riling her up.
Nothing but solidarity for FT working mums its really tough.

We used to get into pj's whilst In The Night Garden (Cbeebies) was on and then when it finished (6:50pm) we went up and did teeth and face, then into bed for stories and cuddles. In The Night Garden started at 6:15pm and was reassuringly repetitive and familiar, so by the time we went upstairs it felt like bedtime was nearly done.

That's in an ideal world. I have photos of my maniacal toddler son at that time, speeding past my legs on the way to some crazed, made up finish line, and in the photo clearly visible is a lovely bottle of cider for me 😆
During that time, sometimes he wouldn't go to sleep in his cot or toddler bed at all, and I'd end up sitting with him asleep on my lap on the couch all night, me still fully dressed.

A lot of it is down to different development phases. It got a lot "easier" when we went with the cards we were dealt. Some nights we'd all be up having bacon sandwiches and watching the grand prix at 4am. It made for some glorious (and some slightly unhinged!) memories.

You have all my sympathy, it's temporary but it's HARD and you deserve a hug and a lovely bottle of wine.

Thank you so much - it is flipping hard!

Maybe I ought to try putting her PJ's on as soon as we get home - as that's one step out of the way and a good sleepy cue.

I hadn't considered cbeebies before to be honest. We recently got her a Toniebox so she has been using that a lot, but she does enjoy watching things as well. There is just so much conflicting advice - some say no screens before bed, others say it can help calm. It's a minefield!

I'll give it a go and see how we get on x

I’d break it up, snack when you get in followed by pjs, teeth. Then 30 min play followed by books/bed.
Lots of warning for transitions.

I think so much depends upon the kid and the development phase they are in - I felt like a mad scientist at times, always tweaking the variables. Lean into it I say.