3 month old waking every 2 hours 😫

[BrieandStrawberries]

I know every baby is different, but is this still the norm for 3 nearly 4 month olds? My LO is waking to feed every 2 hours at night. Sometimes he wakes more than this and my dh rocks him back to sleep. We're so sleep deprived, we thought by now he would be sleeping longer? He's ebf, but I've heard this doesn't usually make a difference. Will it get better, or do we just have a bad sleeper for a long time? 😓 He also cant fall asleep by himself, we always need to rock him. I really don't want to have to sleep train, it sounds so difficult and I'm already overwhelmed as is. 😓

You don’t have a bad sleeper, you have a normal baby, and I’m afraid your expectations of baby sleep aren’t in line with real baby sleep - not your fault, the media isn’t very good at this, but worth taking the time to learn a bit more and manage your own expectations. The idea that they start waking a lot and gradually just sleep more and more just isn’t the case for most babies, who’s sleep goes up and down with growth spurts, developmental leaps etc throughout the first 1-2 years at least. Some babies do sleep through/wake very little early and consistently, but they’re the outliers. Needing to support to go to the sleep is also normal for a lot longer than this, my nearly 5 year old has only just started going to sleep without someone with him

This might be worth a read for a start

https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

@BuffaloCauliflower is completely right. Cluster feeding always suggests a growth spurt or other developmental leap (or illness) needing additional comforting, and extra support during these times is going to go on for many years. You do need to adjust your expectations, and it will get better, but not this quickly (baby is still very tiny and very dependent on you).
This whole “self-settling” thing is a myth for such a tiny baby. It’s developmentally not possible for the vast amount of babies and young children to fall asleep (and stay asleep) without some form of assistance. But well done to you and your DH for giving your little boy the help he needs and being so responsive. It isn’t easy (it really isn’t!) but trust your instincts that he needs you still and know it’s not forever.

Not in my experience but as you can see, it varies so much. I also formula fed mine. They were all 'outliers' and slept through and self settled at an early age.

It does get better eventually or you might be more comfortable with sleep training (which doesn't have to mean leaving a baby to cry) once your baby is older.

Very normal. It won’t be forever but sleep/wake cycles will be up and down for a while yet. We co-slept which made ebf much easier. Not having to physically get out of bed means your sleep is a little less disturbed. You do get used to it and learn to function on less sleep I think and eventually it gets better. DD slept for longer 4-6 hour stretches from around 5/6 months. We never had the seemingly mythical ‘8 til 8’ some mums brag about!

Thank you. Looks like I need to readjust my thinking. It's hard when everyone I know is so horrified with how often he wakes 😫 they've all had kids too, so it's not like they're inexperienced. One of my friends has a baby the same age who only wakes once or twice. The sleep deprivation makes me feel unreasonably jealous. 🤦🏼‍♀️ It's been an especially hard day with skipped naps. Not feeling my best. 😓

@Groundhogday2025 btw I don't think he's cluster feeding, he's only just started going about 2hrs between feeds in the day. It was only around 1-1.5hrs until very recently.

Totally normal I'm afraid. My youngest is 9 months and still like this. Then we have our middle starting the day at 6ish and waking the baby with his noise (and often our eldest too). Then we have the middle and eldest sometimes also waking once or more in the night for various reasons. Suffice to say I don't actually know how DH and I both cope with work, kids, house, anything, on the very little sleep we manage to snatch. But we do. You just do.

That being said, if I'm still breastfeeding around the 13/14 month mark, I'm going to night wean if he's still waking then. That will give him a month or two to settle into nursery first. I don't know know if that will actually improve the sleep, it might not, but I really dislike breastfeeding at night already.

As others have said it's completely normal I'm afraid. It was at about this age that I decided to safely co-sleep with my youngest and I expect I will do the same thing time around (expecting DC3). I would just latch on when he stirred and fall straight back to sleep.

Another advocate for safe bedsharing here. Makes a massive difference

Hi OP, is your friends baby formula fed? To get the same nutritional intake as breast milk, FF babies need a higher volume. My 8mo is bf and drinks 3-5oz of expressed. My friends baby is 7 days younger & drinks 6-7oz of formula per feed. Most people are surprised to see my DDs tiny bottles but it’s much more nutrient rich. Think of it like eating lean, great nutrition but you get hungrier quicker because it’s light. Everything changes at 6m though and settles down. I found months 4-6 of bf the worst as you never hear as much about cluster feeding at this age so its mentally draining. The biggest help was co sleeping so she could just feed whenever with minimal disturbance to me. Depends if you’re comfortable with it though, I’m a light sleeper & baby was really active so wasn’t worried - do check safe sleep recommendations for co sleeping on the nhs website though. To add - DD transitioned into her own room at 6.5m with no problems really & we are still bf. Also not against formula, our first was FF so I feel measured in my opinion to both.

It’s really true what they say, the days are long but the weeks are short, before you know it you’ll be out of this phase!!

My 16 month old still does this. I feel your pain 🫠🫠

Its normal for ebf. Ive had 3 ebf. First two woke every two hours at least for the first year until i weaned off. 3rd now is 2 and he still breastfeeds 4 times a day but he stopped waking every 2 hours at 21 months and now will sleep all night or wake for 1.

Sleep is up and down. The age baby is now is common for a sleep regression.
You need to split the the nights. So one of you sleep in another room with earplugs and get a solid chunk then swap. It's the only way imo.
Baby is too young to sleep train and it's normal for them to wake this much.
Can you express milk for when dp is on night duty?
Do you feed everytime baby wakes? We found that wasn't helping because it meant she filled up all night and didn't feed much in the day and then was hungry all night. We had to stop offering food every wake and soothing other ways and making sure to offer lots of good feeds in the day in a quiet calm space with no distractions.
We found a bottle of expressed milk before bed helped too because if I breastfed her she found it too soothing and would fall asleep and not get a full feed in but a bottle she"d drink and be full.

Yep, normal IME. Mine did this until 9 months.

But, by 10 months she was sleeping 4 or 5 hours at a time. We had a wobble with teething and went back to frequent wake ups, but she's 12 months next week and we've had a couple of nights from 8.30 - 6.30am!

My advice is to do shifts and ensure one of you is getting good sleep. DH gave baby a bottle in the mornings either of expressed milk or sometimes formula. I always wanted to EBF but frankly I needed that break to catch up with sleep.

Hang in there, I know it's so demoralizing but it does get better

Really normal (sorry!). I remember desperately googling “when do babies sleep through” … I won’t scare you with when mine did but suffice to say it wasn’t in line with what Google told me. I survived with very early nights and napping with the baby in the day. Please make sure you’re getting enough cumulative rest and enough calories; it’s essential for your mood. And know that it’s just a season – one day (hopefully soon) you’ll get longer stretches and you’ll feel renewed!

@Btowngirl Hi, no my friends baby is also ebf.

For those asking, my baby refuses to take a bottle, so sharing the feeds isn't an option I'm afraid. 😔

Doesn't help that baby doesn't like the pushchair either, so between lack of sleep and not being able to get fresh air very often, things are tough. 😔😓

Have you tried side lying bottle feeding? It was the only way my breastfed baby will take a bottle.
https://www.feedeatspeak.co.uk/blog/2018/8/14/dummy-blog

Aw well I hope your friend knows how lucky they are! Our DD wakes 1-2 times a night since being in her own room so there is light at the end of the 2 hourly tunnel. Are the feeds 2 hourly in the day too? Are you offering a dummy? Divisive I know, but we found it helped settle out DD when she would otherwise be using me as a human dummy

@Btowngirl Yes feeds in the day are sround 2 hours between. Evening feeds are sometimes slightly closer together. He doesnt like dummies. Chews it for a few seconds then spits it out.
That's great about your DD! Does she self settle?

@4naans I've never heard of that technique before, we'll give it a go, thank you 😊

Yes completely normal and every baby is different. I had one bad sleeper and one good sleeper. My dd didn’t sleep through until she was around 2 years old, and even now she just doesn’t need as much sleep as others. Sleep goes in stages too, so you might get a better period and then a worse period again. All normal and just something we have to get through. I’d recommend taking it in turns to have a low in at weekends, that’s when we tend to catch up on sleep after the early wakes and working during the week now they’re toddler and school age.

Breast fed babies don't sleep! Nobody will come out and just say it so new Mum's are left to struggle...!

Breastfeeding four times a day at two years old!

I feel for you, it’s a relentless stage. At least she is consistent though I guess and not just ramping it up overnight! I really recommend lansinoh bottles for a BF baby too if you haven’t already tried them, just seen your other mention that she won’t take a bottle. DD does self settle unless she is after a feed, but we have put her down for naps in her cot consistently and awake (but sleepy) since around 12 weeks and I feel it’s helped!

Yes, why the exclamation mark? Morning, nap, bedtime and once in the night. He would feed more than that if i didnt restrict it. This is normal at age 2. If youve got it down to one then youve done that yourself.