How would you tackle this sleep issue?

[CreativeNest]

I have a 12 month old. She has always needed a lot of support to go to sleep. Currently she feeds to sleep and is constantly waking up in the night to be fed back to sleep. For this reason I co-sleep with her. It's the same for her naps too. I just lay there while she is latched on sleeping. I used to be okay with it. However, her bedtime is at 7pm, I feed her to sleep, try and unlatch and leave so I can have dinner and spend time with hubby but she wakes up every 30 minutes and ends up falling off the bed before I'm able to reach her. My whole evening is spent putting her to sleep.

I've tried rocking her but she doesn't let me and keeps throwing herself back while screaming. If I don't feed her to sleep she cries so much you would think she has been starving for days. I don't think she needs to be fed at night. She has three meals a day+ snacks and breast milk. Sometimes I let her cry while I'm rocking/patting soothing her to sleep without the breast. Eventually she does fall asleep after all the yelling for 30 minutes but she wakes up 15 minutes after I leave the room. I don't want to cause any attachment issues because I ignore her when she's crying to be latched on but at the same time its starting to take a massive toll on me mentally and is becoming so overstimulating to constantly have her latched on. Does anyone have any advice?

What time does she wake up and what are her naps like?

I think 7 is an early bedtime for a baby who is napping during the day.

A floor bed would help with the falling of the bed issue and from 18 months it’s safe to use a bed guard.

I have a normal cot with the side off attached to the side of my bed so I can leave my one year old in that once he's asleep. Far less likely to fall off the bed. Works well as can feed them to sleep and then you don't have to move them.

Perhaps she's not ready for that initial stretch of sleep without you? When mine were little and would wake up if I left I used to bring them downstairs with me and let them sleep on me while I watched tv. Used to try and do as many jobs as possible before bedtime and husband would have to finish off anything I didn't get done.

I think the crux of your issue is that she needs to fall asleep how she’s going to stay asleep. It’s really common that older babies notice being transferred/unlatched and wake up within the first sleep cycle as a result. So I’d make my peace that feeding to sleep and 7pm bedtime aren’t compatible. If it were me I’d sleep train. Do Ferber and yes there will be crying but it’s usually done and dusted in 3 nights. I know that’s not for everyone though. So if that’s not the road you want to go down then stick with the cosleeping but just do a later/longer afternoon nap so she can stay up and have dinner with you then you all go to bed together.

I sent dh into is settle bf ds at 9 months... I was on my knees bf 6/times a night trying to get him back to sleep..
Slept through in the third night in his cot...

You need to be consistent with not feeding her to sleep. And don't leave her where she could fall out. First few nights will be tough but she'll get the hang of it.

I feel your pain. Mine slept well generally but after a horrible bout of hand foot and mouth, he now only wants to sleep next to me and needs the boob to fall asleep so we are going to have to sleep train all over again.

You won't cause attachment issues by no feeding to sleep!! She's not being a abandoned and presumably gets lots of cuddles and attention in the day.