Need help with bedtime routine

[JR14]

Hey there!

My son is 5 and we are really struggling to get him to go to bed without delaying everything.

we have a routine of bedtime at 8pm (used to be 6pm but thought that was too early).

toilet, brushing his teeth, then reading a story or two then hugs and kisses and hopefully bed.

he has this odd thing where he counts the kisses up to 100 then hugs up to 100.

when that is done he then starts the delays, asks for more drinks, asks for more hugs, wants to speak about his day.

if i do get him to go to sleep he then says he has had a nightmare but he hasn’t even closed his eyes?!

we do have consequences so currently he will not have his iPad and switch and treats because he was just not listening, is this right? I’m so lost!

to say we are out of ideas is an understatement and hope other parents have had this and have the golden nugget of information because we always end up eating so late messing around with getting him to sleep.

thank you!!

My son has started doing this in the last few weeks, he's also 5.

We put the Tony box on and are quite firm when he comes out of bed (mainly as we're dealing with younger siblings so can't pander too much to him). He can wee or have water and then straight back to bed.

I appreciate they're likely bored and lonely and are finding it harder to go to sleep now they're more switched on, but they also need to learn to get themselves off to sleep!

I’d get rid of the iPad and switch for at least 3 years. Swap to books and board games.

After school we either go to the park for an hour or 2 or do a walk or bike ride. Or he'll have a play date. After dinner, it's games either together or in garden. Then he'll have a bath, then a couple of chapters of his book and then I'll sit on the chair in his room for 15 mins as he goes to sleep. He doesn't have any stimulants that would keep him awake such as sugary food or drink. Even things like flavoured water are full of artificial sweeteners which cause hyperactivity at night. Is he using devices in the evening? My 7 year old doesn't have screens as I feel he's too young and needs proper physical and mental stimulation to be sufficiently rested for bedtime. It's more tiring for me between 3.15-7.30 but then it's more relaxing as I get a peaceful evening! It's interesting that you mention an iPad and a switch for a five year old, perhaps read some of the research about how these devices affect children's brains and ability to focus. Also maybe read up on positive reinforcement rather than punishment.

You just need to stop playing ball with it all. Sure it will result in some upset but there is no way round it. Set the routine you want, outline it to him, maybe in pictures as well, and then stick to it. Get rid of the kisses and hugging counting, that’s just stalling behaviour. Keep it simple - bath, pyjamas, cup of milk, teeth, set number of stories, bed. Or similar.

Take a water bottle up with you so he can have water in the night if he wants. Make sure he’s had time to talk about his day during tea or car journey or whatever, and remind him of this. No screens for 2 hours before bedtime. Bath ideally half an hour before bedtime - this has been shown as optimum timing to help them wind down. But essentially you need to take control here. Once he’s in bed say night night and leave. If he keeps getting up just take him back to bed saying ‘it’s bedtime now, night night’. No other engagement. He’ll get it in a few days.