Hi, I had a similar problem with my dd who is now 16months.
I tried various sleep training techniques. None of them felt right to me, as most involved not holding/cuddling comforting her properly.
I was also at my wits end. exhausted, and I had/have terrible back pain so it was really really challenging.
I bought a book called Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green. I can honestly say It changed out little life! he has a sleep training techinique which he also calls controlled crying, but it is not at all like the CC that is often discussed.
I'll explain it for you, and also suggest you buy/borrow the book.
You decide whe you are going to start, pref when they are not teething or unwell etc... so, the start point is really at a time when you do have some hope!
THe key is really sticking to the timings anally! i.e. have digital clock with you, a note pad and pen. I decided I would start on a monday night. THink about how long you are happy to initially leave him crying for. it can be anytime at all, from 20 seconds to 10 minute or more. I suggest starting of low.
I chose 2 minutes. You then add 2 minutes to every subsequent time. I will explain more in a minute Also, on the first night, I did not do it at bedtime, I started on the first occasion she woke up in the night. It only took me 3 nights in total, it really works.
So, before you begin, make sure;
You can see it through to the end, or else there's no point, it won't achieve anything.
You have a digital Clock
You have a notepad and pen
You have some supplies of chocolate, cups of tea available, TV or magazines.
SO night one, the first night. You decide to leave him for lets say, 2 minutes. I'll give you example times etc now..
You hear him wake up at 01:00. Get up, sit in living room, or nearby to his room, but be comfy ( I wouldn't advise staying i bed, as I did the first time I tried and kept falling asleep, and ruined it on the second night.)
time 2 minutes.
01:02 > go into him. He will be crying alot probably. Pick him up, cuddle him, kiss him, rock him, what ever it takes apart from boob or bottle, to settle down and stop crying. As soon as he stops crying, put him straight back into his cot. say night night, or what ever you want to say, then walk straight out of the room. he will screaaaaam as he is used to you feeding him, or taking him with you, or staying until he falls asleep. You can take as long as you like to settle him when you go in.
Look at the clock when you leave, and time 2 minutes + 2 minutes. This is the time you will go in next. Write it down whe you get back to where you are sitting.
So,for eg. It took you 10 minutes ( wont be that long ) to settle him. You left at 01:12. You need to write down to go back in at 01:16 even if he cries and screams for the whole time.
01:16 > go back into him, be nice and kind, pick him up, give him lots of love, cuddles etc until he stops crying. Put him down immediately. walk out, look at your clock write it down nad time again fro 8 mins...
is this making sense?
Keep going like this until he is asleep. If he wakes again the same night, start at 2 minutes again and work up. Next day, exactly the same...
When I did it, writing it down was the most useful thing. mainly because It meant I didn't forget when i'd gone in ad out and when to go back. Secondly, it gave me a good idea of how we were progressing.
The first night, I got up to her 3 times. Each time was for a shorter length of time. I have to say, she was never actually crying for more than 7 minutes. She would cry as I left, for a while. I'd time her, she'd stop, i'd think , great she's asleep, then she would cry again just at the end of the time!
You would have thought I was murdering her the first 2 times. she was so used to me gatherig her up and taking her to be with me. she was not a happy girl.
In total, it took me 3 nights. The third night was a real doddle. She only woke up once, and for about 10 minutes max.
SO, here it is again, as bullet points.
Decide your length of time to leave him to cry.
he wakes up, wait 2 minutes.
go into him, pick him up, settle him to stop crying. as soon as he stops, put him back, leave the room.
write down the length of time you were in there, the time you left and the time you need to return.
sit down for 4 minutes.
go back in after 4 minutes. Settle until not crying. leave, write down times.
time 6 minutes.
Go back in, settle to calm, put back, leave.
and so on...
each subsequent night, start from the beginning again.
Good luck and please do ask if you have any questions. I hope it helps. I must just add, that as soon as I got her night time sleep sorted, her daytime routine was much much better. She started having 1 - 2 naps in the day. She now has 1 2-3 hour nap after lunch now. She goes to bed at 19:30, and rarely wakes up now, until 06|:30 ish. It does vary, and if she's ill she wakes and I dont do this with her. If sh'es well, i'll do it ad she usually goes back to sleep after about 5-10 mins for th rest of the night.
Sorry its so long, but really wanted to get it all down for you. HTH