How to get bf-to-sleep 7 month old to let dh out her to bed

[ForestWren]

A question as old as time I bet.

Context is I’m going back to work in a couple of months and once a week I’ll be home at least an hour after bedtime. I want to make sure it’s not hell for them!

In the early days dh put her to sleep in her crib better than I did, but after a few sleep regressions and some feeding issues, we’ve ended up with me feeding her to sleep and cosleeping.

I would love advice on how I can take steps over the next two months so that he could put her to bed. I’ve noticed recently at times for naps she doesn’t need to bf to fall asleep, and back rubs will do, so perhaps that’s somewhere to start. But when dh has tried to do this before she hasn’t quite settled. He can get her to sleep in the carrier so I guess that’s a last option.

Do you think I need to entirely stop breastfeeding to sleep? I’m not too keen to do this as it’s one of the only times she breastfeeds well, but perhaps it’s time to let that go. She takes bottles well from me and her dad.

Should I just go out and leave them to give it a go? This seems a bit much!

If anyone has experience of this I’d love to hear how it went.

Extra info - I’m working towards making dd’s room into a floor bed room. Currently I feed her to sleep and leave her for some naps, while watching her on the monitor. Eventually I’d like to leave her room for the first part of the night, with the knowledge that I’ll probably end up back in here for some of it.

Thanks! And please be kind - I know I’ve ended up in a less than ideal situation.

It's not a less than ideal situation, it's totally fine. You've responded to her needs, and made her feel secure. That's a great foundation. So dad's options are probably away to sleep, cuddle on the sofa and wait for you to get back, or (and this is what worked best for us) go for a walk at bedtime with them in the carrier and then contact nap until adult bedtime.

Your situation sounds very much like ours, only we're a few months further on! I got very worked up before I went back to work about my DH not being able to put the baby to sleep, in reality me going back to work and the dynamic change that came with that, both the shift in me spending less time with DS and the independence he gained at nursery changed things. Now he doesn't really feed to sleep anymore, I'll feed him and hand him to my husband and he'll cuddle in and go to sleep when he's ready. So much will change so don't worry about any of it. It becomes about survival whilst you find your new rhythm, and cosleeping will be an important part of that!

Thank you so much both! That’s exactly what I needed to hear. And these are great suggestions. It’s so easy to feel like you’ve been lazy/ irresponsible in making some choices. I will try and let that go!

A question as confusing as time!

I bf mine after returning to work and they just adapt to you not being there. I would bf mine to sleep for every nap and bedtime but on the days I worked they would nap without a feed and for the nights I was late home from work or out with friends my dh would put them down to bed without a feed and it was fine. I fed them until 2/2.5 years old. Offer water and get dh to follow the same bedtime routine you do so everything is familiar. She might need to fall asleep on him as that's what mine needed with dh and with my mum at nap times. You definitely don't need to give up bf .

When we got to that stage I did the feed then DH would take over the actual settling to sleep. I would also start getting her used to taking expressed milk in a bottle from DH now some nights, so it’s not strange for her when you’re not there. I think they sometimes do settle better for Dad because they know he’s not the one with the milk!