How do I help my 15 month old self sooth

[Amyharkss]

My little boy has never slept through the night, he usually wakes up around 11pm and it’s game over and we co sleep, however when I do this I’m only getting 3-4 hours sleep a night. He has to hold my hand to get sleep there’s no other way. I’ve attempted the Ferber method but I’ve just found it too cruel as he seems distraught and I end up caving and just soothing him to sleep, cry it out just isn’t for me. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I don’t know what the Ferber method is but when my child was a toddler and wanted to get up we would leave him for a minute,then go in and soothe him but not pick him up. Next time two minutes etc and just built it up like that. It was thirty years ago mind you and I’m pretty sure that would frowned upon now. To be surviving on three or four hours sleep is not sustainable in any way so hopefully you’ll get some great up to date advice on here and things will settle down for you.

Self soothing is developmental not taught. It is completely normal for a baby that age to need support to sleep, and to wake in the night.

Is there a reason you can’t sleep when co sleeping? To be honest I’m on my second baby, just turned 1, and have survived by co sleeping and accepting that I need early nights ie 8.30 or 9pm

@poolcabana You’ve essentially just described Ferber. Dr Ferber is a famous American paediatrician who wrote a book a few decades ago championing that method so it’s often referred to as Ferber although sometimes it’s also called controlled crying.

OP 3-4 hours sleep is not sustainable or remotely reasonable. Cosleeping obviously isn’t a solution for you either if you’re already doing that from 11pm and still getting so little sleep. To self soothe baby has to learn to fall asleep how they’re going to stay asleep and toughing it out with Ferber would typically work in 3 nights. OP do you have a partner that could take the lead on the sleep training if you’re struggling with it? Or could you afford a sleep trainer to come in and help you through it?

@poolcabana it must have been popular in the late eighties/early Nineties because my mum told me that was how they comforted me at the age my LO is now.

My baby is a couple of months younger, does still wake at night once or twice every night, but I use shush-pat to settle. But that's partly because if I pick LO up, they HOWL, and they thrash about too much for co-sleeping.