Sleep techniques - What works ? How do I do it ?

[TillyScoutsmum]

DD is almost 13 months old and has always been a bad sleeper. I thought we had turned a corner and she has now slept through a few times (her record is 5 consecutive nights - so I know she can do it but she still mostly has bad nights

Last night for example, she went down fine at 7.30, woke a midnight and didn't go back to sleep until 4 am

I've instinctively been against controlled crying but am beginning to think it might be worth a go ??

How do I actually do it ? Are there any other methods which would work ?

Anyone ?! please

I found the only method that worked for us was time. My DD slept through for the first time at 13 months and then never again until about 18 months, She's been doing it pretty consistently since with the occasional lapse for a tooth. I really think in our case teeth were a major factor because she settled down once three canines were through and then started again for the fourth one. Slept through since the fourth has cut.

There are 'techniques' but they're not fail safe.

Search for 'Gradual Withdrawal' / 'Gradual Retreat' in the sleep section.

What did you do between midnight and 4am last night, e.g. did you put her down and stroke her back?

Tilly: we tried CC at 15 months and it worked really quickly. I'd maybe try for three nights and if it doesn't work try something else.

We went in when he started crying, picked up and cuddled till quiet or at least quieter, down again, night night, leave for 5 mins. Go in again and repeat. Extend the gap by 2 mins each time.

The longest he cried for was about half an hour on the first night.

I wouldn't consider CC in the first year, but by 15 months we were deperate! If it hadn't worked quickly I would have left it or tried something else. I think you know when they are 'ready' to sleep.

meant to say. We always had very long epic middle of the night wakings when teething. Especially with the molars. Man they were awful.

I have to say it is DP who is pushing to try CC. I keep thinking it might be teething and don't want to try CC if it is - but to be honest, I've blamed teething for her none sleeping from around 16 weeks. She's only got 4 teeth - so suspect something might be going on with some others ??

DaddyJ - I went in to her at midnight (left her for a few minutes first to make sure she wasn't going to settle herself but she had really kicked off).. Tried to pat/shush but she kept screaming,. Picked her up - cuddled for about 5 mins and put her back. She was quiet for about 15 minutes and then kicked off again. Repeat same pattern for the rest of the night (with a bottle of milk and calpol in between "just in case"). Its like bloody Groundhog Day

Its so hard when one parent is convinced one way is right and the other isn't. DP and I have some right humdingers at 3am. Him shouting "just leave her - we need to break her" and me screaming "she's not a fucking horse for god's sake !!"

Tis very stressful

if you're unsure, don't do it. Try another method and get your DH to stop carping!

I'd pick a method and stick to it for a few days, then review. There are no right answers here!

My heart goes out to all three of you!

So you did that for 4 hours?!

Well, he needs to understand that you can't pressure a mother to do anything.
One can provide information but the final say is with you.
Certainly at the baby stage.

Well, gradual retreat is a middle of the road approach where you let them express their protest
but you don't leave the room. Might work for you if you are worried about 'abandoning' her.
Works for me, did not work for my wife.

Tilly - big love to you. Maybe the two of us should go into a safe house for a week with dds and try and get this sorted. I seem to do lots of talking/posting about it, but never any solving/tackling!

And DH is exactly the same as your DP - its all very simple in his head. But not in mine. She's my baby ffs.

In the early days me and DH were the same but eventually he came around to my way of thinking. i never wanted to do CC either so we opted for co-sleeping. Would that work for you? I gave up hanging over a cot, put DD in her own bed and get in with her. It doesn't always stop the two hour wakings but they're one offs so i know they're teething. (BTW My DD has been teething for yonks too and we got four molars and canines in pretty close succession after the year mark).

Would it help if your DH got a couple of unbroken nights in a spare room and you do the same on a different couple of nights. We found once one of us was starting to get a bit of sleep we were much more reasonable and more clear headed.

Thanks for all your comments

PJ - Bugger the safehouse - lets leave dd's with our dp's and sod off for a drunken weekend and leave them to sort it out

Ginger - I just feel that co-sleeping seems like a step back for us now. She goes to sleep fine in her own bed, naps fine and some nights goes through. I feel like we're almost there. It is much better than it was, say, 6 weeks ago, but that somehow makes it worse. I think we were getting accustomed to full nights' sleep and its a bit of a shock to the system.

We try to take it in turns so the other gets chance to sleep (i.e. I do 6 days, he does 1 day but I am a SAHM (ish)) but tbh, she makes that much noise when she kicks off, its almost impossible for the other to get much sleep anyway

DaddyJ - Yup - that was for 4 hours. Just as we were drifting off to sleep ....wwwaaaaahhhhhh

Its interesting what you say about mother's decision being final. I sort of just feel that I should have the final say in these sort of things but DP seems to think I'm "taking over" and our decisions should all be joint. How on earth you're supposed to make joint decisions when you differ wildly in some of them, I don't know ?? I just get accused of not listening to him (I do listen, I just disagree )

Effie - think trying a few might be a good idea. Will try gradual retreat, then PU/PD, then CC, then if that doesn't work, arsenic (for me, not dd). Is 3 days enough to try a method do you think ? Or does it need to be longer (bearing mind they might not be consecutive days on the basis she will hopefully continue to sleep through sometimes)

Sorry - for wittering on - I'm not expecting miracles, just interested to hear what has worked for some