3.5 year old won’t sleep, newborn baby too!

[Winebefore5]

We have a newborn baby who is a few weeks old.

older sister has always had issues with sleep, but they have exacerbated in the past few months (since I had a brief hospital stay in early spring). She is waking 3/4 times a night and needs one of us to stay in their room till they fall asleep again. Throw in a breastfeeding newborn who feeds every 2/3 hours and we are at breaking point.

I know we need to start some form of “sleep training” with 3.5 year old, but she’s such a sensitive soul and I hate the idea of her falling asleep crying.

This sounds so tough and no wonder you are tired! I too have a 3.5 year old and a newborn! We're lucky he's gradually become a good sleeper, here are some things that we've managed to do which I hope could help you get some ideas?

Does she have a preferred parent to settle with? My DS was used to me doing the settling, he'd either want me to stay and hold his hand until he was asleep or more often than not we'd go to the spare bed together when he first woke up. After the first week with the newborn (in which i settled him in his room a few times) we told him I'd have to stay looking after baby but he could get DH if he needed somebody. Because he wasn't interested in DH settling him he stopped getting either of us!

Something I'd do from time to time when I was helping him back to sleep was to say I was going to the toilet then come back. I'd take my time and often he'd be asleep when I came back, but he didn't get upset at me leaving as he was expecting my return. In the morning I'd tell him I went quickly and he fell back to sleep.and give him praise for it.

We managed to get him to fall asleep in his own room at bed time by making a tick sheet for a week. I'd settle him into bed and day I was going downstairs for 5 minutes, when I came back if he was asleep we'd five him a tick in the morning. When he got to the end of the week full of ticks he would get a surprise toy. It was only a £10 hot wheels toy but he was excited to see what it was and I wrapped it up for him to open like a birthday present. Could you try this for if she manages to not call you in the night or if she only gets you 1-2 times initially?

It's a tough time trying not to make the toddler think the baby is taking their attention. But when you're tired in the day or she's asking you to play you could say you'd love to but you're so tired from getting up with her in the night you need to rest so she needs.to occupy herself for a while? If she has a better night make a point to her of playing more and tell her its because you have more energy from not getting up as much for her in the night.

Good luck OP, it will be gradual but I'm sure you will get there and congratulations on #2!