Beginning sleep training

[Magik8ball]

Hi all, I need some advice
I am at my wits end. My 15 month old has suddenly been taking 2 hours just to put to sleep. Yes I know there are circumstances that can cause that and I do check for those, problem is, he also wakes up several times throughout the night. I struggle to get at least an hour to myself.
I keep having dinner at like 9-10pm. I also have to clean, i just want to sit down and breathe.
I have to sleep train him now. We co slept but he needs to sleep in his own room. Would it be silly to be him cot now, just to train him in?
We recently moved in here so I'm doing up their room whilst him and my 2 year old cosleep with me so I haven't bought their toddler beds yet though there is a spare mattress in there whilst not in use.

Any advice on sleep training would be appreciated 🙏

Don’t do it. He won’t have problems sleeping forever, although it feels like it now. Leaving babies crying for hours is cruel imo.

I didn't sleep train OP but I have a 14 month old who was going through the same thing. Co-slept from about 4 months old until last month. Do you have a cot with a suitable mattress?
I had no choice but to get mine to sleep in my arms/car and transfer him into the cot. Every wakening once back asleep, back in the cot. Very soon discovered he wasn't at all bothered that he was sleeping independently but his sleep was disrupted by me being in the bed. A bit wary initially when he first woke up his cot but week 4 now and he sleeps so much better. Never once left to cry it out. He can't fall asleep independently yet but getting him in his own space was so needed for both of us.

Have a little listen to this.

open.spotify.com/episode/0v17as8GW79TeebLVqzi0d?si=QeW7tNZXTwG5HT2i9aJHtw

It will change your mind

Sleep training is okay. You don’t have to exclusively listen to those who say it’s cruel. It’s also cruel to not sleep for 15 months and cruel to compromise your child’s sleep. We sleep trained, it took 3 days of the Ferber method and she’s slept through the night ever since. She went from a miserable, screaming, sleep deprived baby to a happy, energetic, well rested child. We found the Ferber charts online and followed their timings. The first day was rough but she didn’t cry for very long. The next two nights took barely any time. From there on out she’s been perfect and her health and well being have massively improved.

Ignore the cruel posters, there are so many ways of sleep training which don’t involve crying alone for hours on end. I think 15 months is a good age for it too. I actually think equipping your child early with the skill of being able to sleep well is actually the opposite of cruel.

Both of mine could fall asleep alone/independently, it was the staying asleep that was the problem, both were still bf, so we essentially night weaned, instead of me going in 3-4 times a night, I sent DH in. He then told them it was night time and time to go back to sleep, gave them a hug and left. When they cried he went back and stayed with them u til they settled. He was with them whilst they cried for 2 hours the first night, night 2 was just 15 mins, night 3 5 mins, and then both slept through forever! They’re both teens now and I can hand on heart say getting them in a 7-7am sleep routine as toddlers was the best thing we did for everyone’s sanity and health. And they show zero signs of attachment issues/psychological disturbance!

That's not sleep training, that's leaving your baby to cry for hours. But thank you for the input :)

I don't know why you and others feel the need to push your agenda on others. Ultimately you know what is great for a child? A Happy mother. Feeling the effects of an unhappy mother will far outweigh the possible effects of sleep training. Please leave my thread as you offer no relevant information

Really?!😭 That gives me a lot of hope. I have bad back and hip pain. I haven't had a good night's sleep in over 3 years, not to mention the lack of me time in the evenings

@Magik8ball had to come on here to send solidarity. And I am not surprised at all by the lack of posters and of course the first couple of comments. I’ve only been a Mum for a year but my experience of mumsnet is that sleep training gets a extremely bad press - although interestingly I’ve never seen anyone complain about it who has actually used any of the methods or who can present a balanced argument.

@crackadawn I watched the video that was posted to “change your mind” and yes that person may be a psychologist but she is not presenting a balanced view or any clinical data at all. Just her feeling that sleep training is bad - sorry im going to need a bit of science to back that up. There were doctors during covid that were covid deniers and claimed vitamin d instead of oxygen were the cure. What people don’t seem to understand also is if your child is up most of the night crying anyway then after sleep training they will cry less overall anyway - better for them and you in my opinion.

Like you have said @Magik8ball many don’t seem to understand there are multiple methods of sleep training and also some no cry methods of sleep training. And as for their cortisol levels rising which is the common argument against this - should we not send our children to nursery ever because they cry and we have to leave them? Should we not attend to one child and leave the other crying for a few minutes? Have we checked cortisol levels in those children? It’s just an absolute joke and sends me furious that mothers like you who are explaining they’re at their wits end are being encouraged to keep going, be sleep deprived, wake up and play with your toddlers, keep the house going, do your job because you shouldn’t have expected a life without comfort once you had a baby.

I also used standard Ferber technique, at 6 months though so whilst it felt hard at the time in retrospect her sleep improved dramatically in about 3 days. Never looked back - she’s happier in the morning and throughout the day and sleeps through the night. We have an amazing attachment and she’s thriving. A lot of people I know made up their own Ferber times so popped in at much shorter intervals - anecdotally i think this may take longer but feels less hard to do. I wonder with older babies who have a bit more self determination and movement if it may take a little longer. I would definitely try getting them in their own room first - you might all be waking each other up - which might help with some of the night wakings. Avoid trying when there is a big developmental leap/ teething / routine has changed as this might make it more difficult. Consistency is key - it sounds like you might be on your own- I would advise trying to get someone else to help for those nights who is non judgemental and supportive so they can support you with it. I also found wine helped.

only other thing I would add is there any other signs/ concerns of developmental delay. Poor sleep can be a sign of neurodiversity in particular autism so just bare that in mind and if there are then maybe consider getting that looked into first.
good luck

We used a different version of Ferber when LO was about 7-8 months and it was life changing. LO was so much happier in the daytime and their development came on leaps and bounds from having a full nights sleep. I’m not too clued up on sleep training a 15 month old but just wanted to send solidarity, as the anti sleep training brigade will be out.

I agree. He doesn't sleep well, a restful night would be good for him. Thank you for reassuring me. The backlash can be crazy haha.