Sleep training advice

[Ray24924]

Hello I've begun "trying" to sleep train my 8 month old and I need some advice 🙈 he recently got put into his own room about 3 weeks ago and 2 weeks ago we began sleep training.

He basically would go down about 7.30/8pm for an hour and a half then wake up crying then we'd try to get him to self sooth by doing the 3min, 5min and 10min intervals it worked for a couple of days but he'd still be up every 1 or 2 hours.

Lately though when were trying to go the intervals of letting him cry to try and self soothe, he is pulling himself up in his cot and had bumped his head a couple of times. I'm directly outside his room so will go straight in to comfort him but I don't know what else to do.

We've tried the pick up put down but the second his head touches the cot he screams and as we have the cot so low, it is absolutely screwing up my back so badly.

Any advice of what worked for you? Or how to stop him standing up or learning to self soothe. TIA! x

No baby is going to self soothe through crying... I'm firmly against sleep training but especially any crying methods. He's still so little. I know the sleep deprivation is hard but it doesn't last forever - he needs you right now.

He'll settle to sleep on his own when he's able to. He needs your comfort, just let him sleep however he can. The safer he feels going to sleep the easier he'll find it when he gets bigger but he's tiny still. In my experience, they'll take a teddy about 15 months and that helps a lot. It's only temporary

I honestly was so against CIO methods however being woken every 1.5 hrs through the night (with me maybe getting 45mins of that proper sleep) is more damaging because I am exhausted even more so than when he was a newborn. I'm just so confused because I see people complaining about their 7/8mo getting 10hrs sleep and were barely getting 5hrs because it can take up to 2hrs to settle him back down some nights so clearly its affecting him too.. I'm just so stuck on how to fix this for us both.

If you were crying and needed a cuddle would you get over it if someone popped in and out of your room at intervals to tell you it’ll be okay? How about if you tried to get out of your bed in a panic to reach the people you adore and trust and need most in the world and hurt yourself trying, would a “there there” do the trick?

We live in a very sleep training heavy society in this country and it’s understandable to feel your baby’s sleep is a problem that you can fix if you follow a plan. Infant sleep is developmental, they do it in longer stretches when they can because that’s when they can. Same as walking and talking - you support their growth you don’t try to train them to do these things before they’re ready.

You don’t have to leave him to cry. He’s doing fine as he is, he’s only been alive 8 months and his sleep sounds normal. It can feel like you’re swimming against the tide if you accept it and just let him do his thing but you’ll probably feel better and he definitely will.

The issue is he settles to sleep straight away for naps or the beginning of his bedtime sleep but once he has his first wake up of the night then it all goes to pot 🙈 honestly reading other threads on here it seems like everyone else is getting stretches of minimum 7-8hrs and we're barely getting 5hrs per night (from 8pm until 7am) x

Does he wake that often if you sleep with him?

Even if you persist with leaving him to cry you don’t know that it’ll work. Some babies give up and will stop crying when they know no one’s coming in a few days, some will just carry on crying, vomiting on themselves, banging their heads, eventually passing out with exhaustion and learning to fear bedtime.

I really don't like co sleeping due to the increase of SIDS, suffocation and anything like that but the handful of times I've done it yeah he won't sleep longer than 2.5hrs. When he was 4 months he slept for 8hrs a night for a week and then about 6hrs per night for the next 3 weeks then he hit the 6 month sleep regression and its been shocking since then x

I wasn't getting stretches like that with mine. One was still feeding at that age. Another woke every hour or two for a year after sleeping really well for the first few months, eventually they settled!

He can't be taught to self-soothe- he can only be taught that you won't come if he cries so he is better of conserving his energy and avoiding making any noise in case it attracts predators.

Your baby is crying for you because he needs you. That's why everything in you is telling you to go to him when he cries. Comfort is as much a need as food and water.

@Ray24924 sorry your thread has been jumped on by the anti-sleep training brigade. Would be interested to know how many of these posters have actually tried sleep training and have any real life experience of it rather than just piling on to tell you how awful it is.

We used Ferber at 6ish months which sounds like what you were doing and found once they were able to get themselves to sleep they work up less and less. Consistency is key and if you break once unfortunately it can set you back a few days Caveats to this were during developmental leaps / teething during which I just co-slept with my dc usually for a week or 2. There are no cry sleep training techniques or you can modify the Ferber intervals so you’re popping into the room more often which might give more reassurance and less time for Jim to get too upset (although this may take longer to do in total). Here is another technique https://raisingchildren.net.au/babies/sleep/solving-sleep-problems/camping-out
I have no personal experience but I know others have found it useful.

Only other thing to note is exceptionally poor sleep can be linked to neurodiversity so if there is any concern re milestones / development and been unable to sleep train too then perhaps seek expert advice

@MrsSunshine2b respectfully I disagree. My child was sleep trained at 6 months and has learnt that when they wake up intermittently overnight (as we all do with our sleep cycles) that they are safe and can go back to sleep. They do not require me to help them go back to sleep. When they are unwell or in pain or teething they do cry and I do respond to it so sleep training does not teach your child not to cry (I’m pretty sure everyone would do it if of did 🤣) It’s completely fine to not want to do this yourself but think it’s unfair to make others feel bad about decisions they’re making for their family. Personally I’m so glad I did it- we all get a great nights sleep - dc is crying over all LESS with the sleep training than had we never sleep trained and my dc attachment / development is amazing. They’re thriving at nursery.

good luck OP

Why on earth would you imagine that a baby, completely vulnerable and helpless, would feel SAFE to know his parents aren't coming when he needs them? I appreciate that pretending that makes you feel better but you must know it's not true. And research has shown that they wake just as often. Sleep training is entirely for the benefit of the parents.

Hello, Thank you for your reply we've actually been trying a form of ferber leaving him for 3 min once he first starts crying to see if he can settle then going in for a cuddle and lay back down, then same for 5 min, 7 min and 10 min.

We've found he settles so much easier now, very rarely do we have to go in more than once. He knows we will always come and he gets a cuddle everytime. I do agree some other posters on this thread are quite aggressive in their opinions.

And re development etc, no issues there, hes actually slightly ahead on all his milestones (crawling at 7mo, first steps at 9mo, first word at 8mo) but thank you for that info.

As it stands our current normal night is now getting 2/3hrs sleep then a wake, then 4hrs then a wake/feed, then 2hrs and a wake and 2hrs and a wake which although not ideal, still a lot better than up every hour haha x