16 month old constantly wanting to breastfeed at night

[Mils24]

Hi

My 16 month old is waking at least twice a night (on a good night) and sometimes for 2-3 hours in the early hours. I still breastfeed, feed to sleep and when she wakes I will feed her back to sleep. Recently she’s just been wanting to latch and stay latched, it’s becoming really painful and not enjoyable! I try to take her off and cuddle her, pat her bum - I’ve tried it all! She just gets so upset until I feed her again - this will go on for hours!
I wondered if anyone has any tips on trying to gently wean her off during the night.. it’s becoming unbearable but it’s the only thing that will calm her so it’s so hard not to, especially when you’re surviving on no sleep for the last 16 months!
Anyones tips and tricks would be much appreciated!
Thank you

Is she definitely getting a full let down during the night or just sucking for comfort? If it's for comfort you could try and take the boob away at this point. Till what age did you want to breastfeed for?
Unfortunately for us, stopping breastfeeding altogether was the only thing that got my DS to sleep through the night. He wasn't feeding he was just using me as a pacifier. How often does she feed during the day? And is she on 3 meals and snacks etc?

I'm not a parent so am prepared to be told I'm completely wrong....but would a dummy at night help?

@Spidey66you're right but if she hasn't taken a dummy up to this point it's highly unlikely she'll take one at 16 months. I gave my second a dummy straight away for this reason!

I think she is getting the let down but then will stay awake latched on - I think trying ti get herself back to sleep! I don’t mind the 2 x wakes when she goes straight back off it’s just the staying awake for hours on end and then screaming when I try to stop her from feeding!
shes going through a phase of not eating much, I give her 3 meals and snacks but she’s never been a big eater, she’s quite small!
I never really had a time in mind to stop breastfeeding, I still enjoy it in the day and so does she but the night times are getting harder!

Thank you she’s never liked a dummy and spits it out.. I would ideally do this if she let me 😅

Did you just go cold turkey? What age was he?

I went cold turkey at 9 months. I was on my knees with lack of sleep. Sent dh in with water only and by night 3 he slept through. No huge bouts of crying.. Couldn't have done that.

Ok so you are sleep deprived, sore and fed up. Unfortunately, there aren’t any easy fixes for this situation. You either continue as you are, hoping she will grow out of it, or you take action.

The truth is, it will be difficult, but the good news is, it’s very short term. They recover and settle very quickly at this age.

Basically, you have to stop offering the breast in the night. Once she gets the idea that it’s not happening, she will stop wanting it. Your DH will be on night time duties for now, thereby removing the smell of you and your milk. The best tactic is a hands off comfort approach. He needs to be boring, so she’s not rewarded for waking up.

Once you have decided what to do, it’s important to stick to it. If you go for DH taking over, she will cry but she won’t come to any harm. If you don’t stick to your guns, you’ve had it. She knows she will get what she wants in the end.

You all need your sleep. Her waking like this is far from ideal. It’s a habit, feeding from the breast during the night at this age is completely unnecessary. Good luck.

Thank you for your advice, it’s much appreciated! My partner has had a serious back injury so it’s not possible to get him on board to help, I will have to do what you suggest by myself! I do expect a lot of tears! Thank you for the luck I feel like I’m going to need it!!

I would go cold turkey if I was you, my DS was about 13 months, maybe a little older. I also took all bottles away at that age too and just offered kiddie bottles or cups, it just eliminated all of the things that required sucking so he wasn't reminded of it ha!
It was really hard but totally worth it. I would stop offering breast day and night altogether if you're comfortable with that. She might eat more at meals because she's actually hungry, my DS food intake definitely increased. Once she hits age 2 and has a better understanding you will find it very difficult to take the boob away. It can become a very big issue.
I just told my DS "not now, later" and then distracted him with a toy or a chocolate button or anything being honest. I did cuddles with a movie, snacks together, treats together. I basically tried to replace breastfeeding with another form of bonding time so we still had that moment in the day. If he tried to grab my top or ask for boob I would stand straight up and move away and say "are you thirsty, here you go mammy bought you a special glittery cup wow" etc. Even now my DS will pick a blanket out of the basket and sit on the settee and ask me for a movie 🥹 and I know that's him asking for our time together.

I also did walks outside! Huge distraction when he was really kicking off for it x

Sorry me again, instead of boob during the night I offered my DS a special toy, he became obsessed very quickly with the toy I picked and would happily use that in the cot to self soothe himself back to sleep. Does she have a comforter or special blanket? Favourite little figure or anything ?

That sounds positive, well done as it’s not easy! I don’t even know where to start when I initially put her to bed, as I’ve always fed her to get her to sleep! She doesn’t like being held, rocked or cuddled to sleep, so it just feels very overwhelming thinking about how I’m going to do it without her being really distressed!

Don’t be sorry for posting - I need all the help I can get so any advice is much appreciated!
thats really helpful advice thank you. I think your approach sounds like something I need to do, and I do think cutting it out altogether would have to be the way I do it. Although I struggle to think about how I’m going to get her to sleep initially at night?
I actually shed a tear at your movie time, that’s so lovely!
I think I’m pretty much all her comfort, I have introduced a comforter recently so she associates it with sleep but she’s yet to get attached to it, I know these things can take time!
She’s now in a floor bed and I try as much as I can to sleep in my bed, I do think it might be a bit of separation anxiety at this age too especially seems to be when I’ve had a day at work away from her.
Thank you again, it’s made me feel hopeful that I can do it too!

Yeah I agree it would have to be cut out all the time, because she wouldn't understand why she can have it during the day but not in the night, whereas if its just a permanent no then she will eventually adjust. Mind you it was difficult with my DS for about 5 days to a week, but then it very quickly became our new normal and he never asked again. Well until I started feeding my newborn and he was like "erm excuse me" 😅 sibling boob jealousy! Something they don't warn you about ha. Unfortunately I used to rock to sleep for the first few month, I would snuggle him in, with his comforter, focusing very much on the comforter and just sit and rock until he went to sleep, sometimes he cried, sometimes he kept grabbing at me, but i just kept saying "no boobie go to sleep good boy" and sort of just let him cry in my arms. I was with him the whole time though and he did go to sleep, eventually the crying stopped altogether and the rocking died off too 🫶 now he goes to bed with his comforter completely independently at only 2YO and self soothes to sleep, no crying at all.
She needs to know that even though the boob is gone, you're still very much there, just in different ways. Hopefully she adjusts quickly for you 🥰

Attached pic of my DS settling himself for bed. Oh and PS, just accept all the toys she will now want for bed, my DS takes 3 teddy's, 4 figurines, a book, and a spoon at one point 😅 I just let him, it's not worth a fight and it helps him settle somehow lol

Hi @Mils24, I could have written much of your post! I wondered - how are you getting on now? 😊