Don’t want to exclusively breastfeed 10 week old anymore

[sannax]

My nearly 11 week old was a good sleeper as a newborn but since 6 weeks has been a bit more difficult at night. For context I have a 3 year old son who wakes a 6am every morning.

For the last few nights my baby boy has been doing a 3 hour stretch in the first part of the night, waking at 1, then waking at 4am. At the 4am wake up he is wants to stay latched until 6 and then sleep till 8.30 am.

Theoretically if I wasn’t woken by my son at 6am I would nap till 8.30 and be fine for the day, however, my husband (who has all night in a spare room to himself) cannot seem to get up when the toddler and take him downstairs/ give him breakfast until I literally have to leave the bed several times at 8am and beg him to. Also…although I really wanted to breastfeed this time round, my husband insisted on it as he is anti-formula.

I’m knackered. I want to give up breastfeeding so I can get a bit more sleep. I’ve had 3 bouts of mastitis, manage the whole house, do bedtime with both children and feel I could spend more time with my toddler if I combi fed. My husband hasn’t even changed a single nappy. Baby feeds every hour or so in the daytime. I don’t think he is getting full feeds and just snacks all day

The issue is the baby won’t take a bottle - I’ve tried Mam and NUK and he refuses. He has refused pumped milk and formula even when hungry. I want to combi feed but don’t know how

You're a single parent. Get rid of the dead weight husband and life will be much easier. How dare he insist you breastfeed, probably because he knew he wouldn't have to help out as much.
If you want to bottle feed then do whatever is best for you and your baby, your feelings matter on this far more than your husbands. Hes a useless arsehole! And sleep train your eldest, it will make life so much easier.

Why on earth are you putting up with a terrible man? This may be harsh but the reality is he’s never going to get better you will definitely be better on your own and I promise you it will be easier with two children than the 3 you currently have!! He’s dreadful. For your own sake get rid of this god awful bloke. What a pathetic excuse for a dad and a husband.

to answer the combi feeding question- you just need to persevere and offer the bottle in a more natural position and try a range of teats. As a pp said once he is starting to try food he may be more open to different textures and flavours, so it might not happen in an instant.

but I would just be packing his stuff

he isn’t trying

every time he lays in bed and puts the burden of everything child related on you (after growing them both and feeding them with your body)- he is telling you that you do not matter and you come second

if you have family around to support you- pack his stuff and leave it on the doorstep.

sounds nuclear, but if there is anyway this is going to be nipped in the bud and your relationship to continue- you need to assert some boundaries

The problem is your OH. What makes you think you’ll get more sleep if you bottle feed? Baby will still want feeding during the night and your OH is not any more likely to want to parent his children given he’s been utterly useless so far. Not to mention controlling. What a twat. If you want to bottle feed because it’s right for you and baby then do so, don’t keep breastfeeding for his benefit. But really what you need to do is tell him he needs to step up or you are leaving him. You are doing it on your own anyway. He needs to get up with the toddler so you can sleep in.
Is he working and if so what time does he leave? If he’s getting up anyway can see to the toddler until he leaves.

@sannax it sounds like you might be done with DH. If he won’t leave get your ducks in a row and start divorce proceedings so you can get to the point of living alone with the kids.

my husband (who has all night in a spare room to himself) cannot seem to get up when the toddler and take him downstairs/ give him breakfast until I literally have to leave the bed several times at 8am and beg him to. Also…although I really wanted to breastfeed this time round, my husband insisted on it as he is anti-formula.

What. The. Fuck.

Your husband is a cunt.

Glad you’ve asked him to leave. He’s despicably selfish to the end.

At this stage I would be very frank with him (your husband I mean) and tell him how things are to be done. You need to get sleep too to be able to take care of your two kids during the day. And I would be bluntly telling him what life with two kids means and what you need from him. And if he isn’t up for it then he better pack his bags and go. Either he ups his game or he leaves. His choice.

You’re managing so much without support. Your husband needs to step up.

Well it seems like you've made your mind up.

If you're so sure that this will work and be the best for you and your family what advice are you looking for?

Yeh sorry OP the problem is your husband! The toddler should be with him until you get out of bed (whenever that is! If baby sleeps longer)
he is also probably using an anti formula excuse to get out of another job. You need to have a frank discussion about sharing responsibilities. I hope it gets easier soon

As other posters have said…the issue is your husband? If he won’t even change a nappy what makes you think he’ll get up in the night to sort a bottle?

I would persevere with the breastfeeding, and sort the husband issue!

The problem is your husband! Sorry but he sounds useless.

I am not going to pressure you into BF, I did it for 8 months and had to call it a day. But if your husband was helping you would you want to continue?

If the answer is yes then sit him down and talk. Because if you don't, you'll have problems for years to come.

Edit: as I saw one of your responses further down. If you want to combi feed then it's probably easier to get someone else to bottlefeed the baby, have you tried grandma doing it? Be persistent, try different bottles, it will work eventually but will take patience.

Also, if your husband won't leave then you need to leave him. I feel so sorry for you cos he is awful, but you need to do whats best for you and your kids. Maybe stay with family??

I gave up breastfeeding at 3.5 months with both my son and daughter. With my son super easy as he loved bottles - with my daughter it was hard. To get her to take bottles (she'd had occasional bottles when younger but had been EBF for a few weeks) I basically had to "starve" her into it - to be clear that was only leaving her hungry for 4-5 hours in the end but basically once she was hungry enough she took the bottles. I also just kept trying at relatively consistent times of the day. Another trick (that didn't work for me) is having someone else give the bottle, or feeding her in a different location/position. Lastly, I only gave her the very fine teat in the end (size 1 for MAM bottles) and apparently it is common for EBF babies to prefer a slower teat than their age.

Also, for me the first time I gave up fully to get ready for IVF and the second time (with my daughter) I gave up as I got sick and tired of the push/pull where she clearly preferred BF enough to make bottles tricky and so it was hard to ever have her away from me for any time. Both are super healthy and I know a few medics who have told me the medical data suggests by far the largest benefits of BF are in the early weeks/months so do whatever works for you. Preserving your mental health is way more important than the minor advantages of BF - and OMG that your husband believes he gets any say in the matter at all (unless he wants to do the BF :).

I just to clarify the reason I said persevere with breastfeeding is because I interpreted you wanted to stop with more sleep…but you still have a husband issue.

my little one wouldn’t take a bottle at all, I think it was around 12 weeks and my husband worked out that sometimes if he gave the bottle but also walked around the room, the distraction of walking around the room meant baby took the bottle. Could you try that, and try someone else giving a bottle as baby will know you have milk. We did have an instance where o had to go out for a full day and baby cried and cried and cried and eventually took bottle because there was no other choice. That was mildly traumatic for everyone!

I had all of this bullshit with my H. He can't get up. He doesn't hear the kids. At one point, my youngest woke up hourly through the night. I was ready for a nervous breakdown. Miraculously, he was able to get up when I told him that if he didn't parent his kids and let me get a few hoursvof uninterrupted sleep I'd divorce his arse and have a peaceful sleep 1 week night and EOW. I didn't need much just a few hours uninterrupted sleep.

Sorry forgot the point. Your H needs to fix up or fuck off. I wouldn't stop breastfeeding, unless you really want to, the bottles and sterilising is a lot of faff.

If you want to bottle feed, then just do it. Initially I wanted to breastfeed, then read all the struggles women go through and how it’s affecting their mental health and decided to bottle feed. I don’t regret it. Also, your husband can help with that too! Maybe that’s why he is anti formula, so he knows it’s your responsibility? Honestly don’t let anyone to dictate you what to do.

My ex was exactly the same. He was so selfish and I ended up really sleep deprived. I couldn't get any spare time to pump a bottle so I ended up giving a bottle of formula and then I'd pump and have some in the fridge. I 90% breastfed but if I needed a break he'd get a bottle. If there was no breast milk in the fridge he'd get formula.

It meant my mum could help. Or my ex would do a 10pm dream feed. I'd do bedtime then pump and crawl off to bed at 8. I was so sleep deprived with just one so I can't imagine what it's like while juggling two.

Take all the help your family can give you. Could someone come spend a night and help with a morning for you? Or could you go to family with both kids for a few nights. I can't explain how much easier it was with my family helping me rather than my useless ex making me feel worse.

Sending you a big hug.

Nothing wrong with doing mixed feeding. I started at a similar time and contrary to a pp it did help massively with LO sleeping (formula only once a day at 11pm and then he’d sleep through).

But my decision wasn’t based on my DH not pulling his weight or being under any pressure from him either way.

In your case I’m not sure if this would help you all that much and frankly him insisting on BF without supporting you to do so needs addressing as a first priority.

He sounds very lazy and entitled if I’m honest and I’d be pretty damn furious at his attitude and behaviour.

The issue is your husband won't get up with toddler. That would solve alot of your burden, and it's up to you if you want to stop breastfeeding, but will your husband even get up to do a night feed with the baby even if he did take the bottle? Doesn't sound like it.

Simplest fix, husband gets up with toddler.

Your husband is an utter prick that’s the issue. Look after you if he’s willing to stay up all night and support u with feeding fine if not give the baby a bottle. Eventually they take it

It’s not up to your husband what you do with your body. He needs to get up with your toddler and do breakfast. It’s not a big ask when you’re doing everything else. Have you asked him why he thinks it’s OK to be so selfish??

re breastfeeding - if sleep is the only reason to stop and this can be solved by your husband doing breakfast then I’d say keep going (but it’s your body, your baby, your choice - do what you need to do).

Couple of other things. What helped with combo feeding was me not doing it. He knew he had a better/preferred option but would happily take a bottle from DH or my parents. One used to this after a few weeks he’d accept one from me.

Re your DH can you speak to someone whose opinion he values about what is happening? His parents/siblings?

Tell them everything and that you’ve asked him to leave as he is such a shit. In short shame him into either being a parent or stop being a burden by pretending to be one.