Don’t want to exclusively breastfeed 10 week old anymore

[sannax]

My nearly 11 week old was a good sleeper as a newborn but since 6 weeks has been a bit more difficult at night. For context I have a 3 year old son who wakes a 6am every morning.

For the last few nights my baby boy has been doing a 3 hour stretch in the first part of the night, waking at 1, then waking at 4am. At the 4am wake up he is wants to stay latched until 6 and then sleep till 8.30 am.

Theoretically if I wasn’t woken by my son at 6am I would nap till 8.30 and be fine for the day, however, my husband (who has all night in a spare room to himself) cannot seem to get up when the toddler and take him downstairs/ give him breakfast until I literally have to leave the bed several times at 8am and beg him to. Also…although I really wanted to breastfeed this time round, my husband insisted on it as he is anti-formula.

I’m knackered. I want to give up breastfeeding so I can get a bit more sleep. I’ve had 3 bouts of mastitis, manage the whole house, do bedtime with both children and feel I could spend more time with my toddler if I combi fed. My husband hasn’t even changed a single nappy. Baby feeds every hour or so in the daytime. I don’t think he is getting full feeds and just snacks all day

The issue is the baby won’t take a bottle - I’ve tried Mam and NUK and he refuses. He has refused pumped milk and formula even when hungry. I want to combi feed but don’t know how

Sorry I’ve just ready that back and it’s like word vomit because I’m so tired 😫

Your problem is your husband.

The issue is your fucking husband! He insists you breastfeed but won’t lift a finger to help. Tell him he’s forfeited his rights to that parenting decision by being a prick, and do what you need to do.

You're essentially a single parent anyway, so make your decisions as if you are one.

Your husband is selfish

Tell him to get up at 6.30 and give you the bloody rest and space to feed his second child

Don't put up with it

Realistically will dh help with bottle feeding ? I doubt it. You will have added work making and cleaning bottles... Maybe ask him if you split up how he will manage 2 dc alone....

Your husband needs to start pulling his weight, not to even have changed a single nappy that is outrageous I am furious for you!

Bottle feeding won’t necessarily change anything. You have a DH problem that needs addressing urgently. Firstly it’s not up to him whether you breast or bottle feed. He only gets to decide when he grows breasts. Secondly, he’s being a selfish twat not supporting you more by getting up with your toddler.

You need to get your big girl pants on and sort this. Tell him what needs to happen. Don’t back down. Your relationship is doomed if you can’t sort this because he will continue being a twat.

If you don’t want to breastfeed any more then don’t, don’t let anybody make you do something you don’t want to! A bottle fed baby will still reach all their milestones will still have a healthy and happy life! When your child starts school nobody will ever ask how you fed your baby! A happy mum and a happy baby is all that matters, don’t feel guilty or sad do what’s right for your family x

Very difficult.

Mine never accepted a bottle, tried everything, including dine some good MN advice which was to offer a bottle after a short feed when they are not hungry. Because when hungry they will just be desperate for what solves their hunger and will get upset at the unknown bottle. Whereas when not hungry they might have a go at playing with the teat and discover that it is a new way to milk.

However, nothing worked.

But your DH is a problem as much as your feeding baby is.

Have you had a full on meltdown about your exhaustion and his lack of help?

It’s a myth that FF babies sleep more. The advantage is usually that it isn’t on you to do every feed but a husband that has never changed nappy and is ‘anti formula’ 🙄 doesn’t sound like he’s about to step up so given the faff with preparing bottles it would probably be counterproductive to switch in your case. Also, it’s normal they won’t take a bottle from you, because they can smell the breastmilk. You’d probably have more success if you could go out of the room whilst someone else fed baby with the bottle and again, doesn’t sound like your husband is going to be massively helpful. If you can decamp elsewhere e.g. mum’s, sister’s, best friend’s to get some real help then I would.

Willing to be he only “doesn’t agree with formula” because dads can feed a baby formula! Dickhead.

I would keep breast feeding until your child starts to taste food at about six months. It will be easier to drop off when his tongue is better developed and he likes the taste of food.

I would insist that the toddler, from bath time until 8:00 am is the sole responsibility of your husband for the next six months.
Put their beds into the same room if need be.
He will still get many nights of very sound sleep.

Gradually get toddler to go to Dad in the night. Put toddler's baby monitor near DH's pillow.

Seriously enlist the help of DH; stress to him that it is a matter of successfully breast feeding or not.

Your husband needs to be getting up with your 3yr old at 6am. That’s the best solution.
If you keep trying with the bottle your baby is likely to eventually accept expressed milk or formula, especially if you can get someone else to try sometimes. I found with my eldest that the breakthrough to accepting a bottle happened for us when I held him exactly like when I fed him but just put the bottle in his mouth instead of my nipple. I think the proximity to the preferred food source helped.
Your issue here is going to be that giving formula isn’t necessarily going to get you any more sleep. In fact it might make things worse because it’s more work for you to be getting up and making up bottle than just feeding your baby directly. If your husband is anti-formula and already shitty and unsupportive about the night wakings, it sounds like he won’t wake up and do the first night feed (1am?). Because that really could help you get a longer stretch of sleep. Formula might mean your baby goes longer between feeds as it’s harder to digest, but it might not. And you have the work of making up bottles and cleaning them.
If you’re fed up of breastfeeding there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to combo-feed or switching to formula. I would worry that in your case with your shitty unsupportive husband that it will make things harder for you and not easier.
Sorry you’re not getting the help and support you deserve. Would any family be able to come stay for a few days and give you a hand and some time to nap!

Why do you think bottle feeding is the answer? I think that just creates more work.

Why have you allowed (your asshole) DH to dictate that YOU WILL breastfeed the baby. He's allowed to voice an opinion on what he thinks is best, you are allowed to tell him that YOU are not doing it. What YOU do or don't do with YOUR breasts is YOUR choice.

I can't believe what an utter wanker & useless Dad he's being.

I wouldn't be putting up with it.

my solution would depend on a little of variables, but no way i'd be tolerating his lack of parenting.

Feeding isn’t your issue it is your husband he needs to step up

Husband can do more. Put your feet up, drink and eat loads and get a regular nap while husband does both children for some of the day.

Well everyone else is right. You have a dh problem. What a fucking arsehole - being anti FF but not doing anything to support bf and infact making bf harder what a prince.

But have you tried the dr. Browns bottles? You may just need to buy every bottle and every teat combo and persevere. Or get someone else to try with the bottle. You smell like bf and that may be putting him off!

I agree he is an issue. He wasn’t like this with our first born and was very hands on. Our toddler is transferred to his own bed when asleep and then will often go into his dad’s bed around 11pm to co-sleep with him the rest of the night. Husband claims he keeps him up all night by ‘shuffling too much’ .

we have had multiple conversations about how I’m struggling with sleep deprivation and how he needs to pull his weight in the morning. He agrees but just can’t seem to get up in the morning and this morning blamed me for not sleep training toddler properly (we coslept from 18 months). He thinks he pulls his weight by dropping toddler to nursery 2 days a week and picking him up.

I am lucky to have a lot of family support nearby who pick up the slack by cooking meals, and entertaining toddler at weekends. It is much easier to parent both kids with family on hand however the mornings are difficult.

I have made the decision to combi feed but baby refuses.

Husband needs to get up and feed both kids, baby with a doidy cup or similar if they won't take a bottle.

Formula is fine, and if you wanted to breast feed the rest of the time that would be fine too.

You have to address the issue of your DH being a lazy twat, who thinks he can call the shots.

Changing how you feed your baby isn’t going to help things get better.

Get an inside lock on the door of the room you sleep in with the baby, use it, and simply do not get up in the morning. Force the toddler to be DHs problem, since he evidently isn't going to volunteer.

I can’t to do that to my toddler. He is very sensitive and will be extremely upset if he can’t come into mummy’s bed when I’m with his brother. Besides his dad will still not get up without me getting up and making a fuss

Although not the point of this thread, I have asked him to leave because he doesn’t contribute enough to our family life but he has refused to and claims he is ‘trying’. Whereas I don’t get a minute to myself to even have a shower without one of the kids being in there, he does hobbies all day on Saturday and gym trips in the evening on weekdays.

Combi feeding will allow my family to look after baby so I can have a rest/ spend time with toddler.

thanks for everyone’s responses

If the toddler is kicking him all night he should put him back in his own bed instead of letting him sleep with him! Why does he think that’s your problem when you are doing all the night wakings with the baby?
There’s no magic trick to getting your baby to accept the bottle. You just have to try all the things and keep going if that’s what you want. It can help to get someone else to try, especially if you’re not in the room or the house. Sometimes one bottle type is accepted and others are rejected, so it can be worth trying a few different ones. Don’t spend too much money trying every single different ones that’s available, just pick 2-3 that are quite different to each other and see how you go. You can also try with an open cup or even a spoon.

If you’ve got family who will come over regularly or come and stay for a bit and take care of your baby so you can have a break or do things with your toddler then that sounds a great plan OP. I wouldn’t worry about getting the combi-feeding working perfectly before asking for that help. Get the help in and ask your family to try giving a bottle while you pop to the park or something with your toddler. Start with half an hour or an hour so that it’s not the end of the world is baby just cries and refuses the bottle that day. Or send your family to the park with the toddler, the baby and a bottle and you have a nap (might be easier if there’s two of them the first couple of times).

My first husband was exactly the same. You don't realised just how bad it is until you are out of it. I was constantly shattered, stressed and worn out.
I have a new partner and we have a 12 week old who I exclusively breastfeed, he is helpful, thoughtful and understanding, the difference is demonstrated in both mine and my child's happiness and contentment.
I would suggest talking to him but really he is a grown man who can clearly see what he is (isn't doing) perhaps it's time for actions.

You are single parenting anyway. You are awesome and doing a fantastic job!! Good luck mama 😁