20 month old still not sleeping through

[SJC1992]

I’m at my wits end. I’ve not had one full nights sleep since my baby was 4m old. Now 20m my daughter is resisted going to sleep of an evening altogether. I’ve been trying to stop breastfeeding for months now as I’ve had enough but my daughter screams and gets very frustrated all hours of a morning (co sleeps with us). I am now 12 weeks pregnant and just really struggling. I cry almost every night because my daughter resists sleep, wakes frequently and is now having tantrums.

There is a 6hr gap between nap and bedtime, I follow a routine of bath, teeth, lullaby background music, fresh pj’s, breastfeed and rock to sleep in chair. She will start off in her cotbed then always ends up in our bed because I’m too exhausted. Have been doing this exact routine for 8 months. Sometimes she will go down but other times it’s hell on Earth. I’m now introduced a dummy to help her have comfort going to bed. Any tips please or do I just have a bad sleeper? Thank you.

Does she still have naps? Daytime sleep affects night sleep so if she's sleeping too much In the day it will screw up the nights. Mine was an awful sleeper until 15 months so I completely understand what you're going through

What worked for us at a similar age:

• in terms of bfing, never offer, never refuse. Avoid cues like sitting in the rocking chair (maybe move the chair).
• Do the evening feed somewhere loud and bright sp she won’t nod off.
• Cold turkey on the rocking and just cuddle.
• Other parent does bedtime if possible
• Cosleep on first waking only.

Banana before bed, or similar so you know not hungry. Other parent does storyline. Create a new bedtime routine. Drop the evening breastfeeding eventually. Other parent does evening wakes for a few weeks.

Break the habit but not suggesting cry it out. Been in the same boat. You need your rest and a new routine before next baby arrives.

In my experience. My non sleeping breastfed toddler started sleeping through when my milk dried up at around 20 weeks pregnant. She still continued to feed but stopped the nighttime wake ups and therefore stopping co- sleeping. She was around 2.5 years when she started to sleep.
my current 2yr 9 month old still doesn’t sleep through though!! Sending you sleepy good lucks.

@Devilsmommyshe used to have 45 min naps, woke a lot in the night, now she has 1.5hr naps but wakes around 2 times in her cotbed and 2 times co sleeping. I could cut her nap right down but worried she will have a huge strop x

@WokeMarxistPopeI will try some of these, thank you x

@Viobioscore48we’ve had trouble with her Dad putting her to sleep. She kicks and screams for me until she’s completely distressed. So I have no choice but to put her to bed every night. He also works and is out the house for her bed times now with new job. Will try banana before bed, thank you! X

@treetop122hoping my milk will dry up! Okay. Maybe she will learn to sleep at a later age then. I’m hoping the more her understanding and speech comes on, the more she will understand to stay in bed! Haha x

I did the supernanny thing to get my non-sleeper to go to sleep in the cot first time round. He did sleep through till 2.5, which is why we don't have a small age gap!

Have you tried her self settling rather than you rocking to sleep? She needs to learn how to do that to be able to sleep through really.

What time is she actually going to sleep, waking up in the night, and then in the morning? From my personal experience ages still young to be sleeping through and that's only defined as a five hour stretch anyway.
What helped me was to reframe how I saw it, and to accept it was normal and stop fighting it. My eldest slept through age 4, and my youngest was about 7 before he did. Nothing I did changed anything so the best thing was to roll with it.
In terms of breastfeeding, I wouldn't be too quick to stop, it's a great parenting tool and an instant calmer/soother. You might regret not having that in your parenting toolbox.

My 6 year old only just started sleeping through about 6 months ago. We still have 2/3 nights a week of wakings. Nothing I ever did changed it, we just had to wait it out.

My eldest on the other hand slept through from 17 weeks and has always loved her bed.

you have my sympathies, it is brutal

To be honest that seems like a normal amount of time for a nap at that age. My 2.5 year old still has a nap for that length of time. Is it possible to try her in a floor bed because it's easier for you as you can lie with her til she falls asleep and maybe she'd appreciate the extra space. Hope you figure it out 🤞

Wow this sounds so tough with a little one on the way. Ideally she's sleeping through by the time baby comes. It sounds like she's very reliant on you to get to sleep and again back to sleep during the night.
I'd say stopping BF or only doing it in a busy space (not bedroom) if you wanted to continue. Also, falling asleep on her own in the cot without rocking.

My dd2 breastfed until a similar age and I was so desperate to stop. I had our nanny put her down for 2 nights in a row then on the third night I changed the bedtime routine. Asked her to choose a soft toy to take to bed, gave her a straw cup of milk (funky curly straw) whilst reading stories then before putting her in the cot asked her to switch off the lamp which was exciting for her. With all this distraction she miraculously went off to sleep without asking for boob.

I don't remember if she woke much in the night at that time but I do sometimes still have to sit next to the cot and shush to get her to lie down and go back to sleep if she wakes.

Good luck, it'll be tough but so worth it to get some sleep!

I don't think it's the naps, my kids had 2 hour naps at that age and until they were 4, and slept an unbroken 12/13 h.