The Ferber method?

[LondontoBanbury]

We're trying the Ferber method with our 5.5 month old son. He has always been a bad sleeper, he got a bit better around 4 months then it fell off a cliff again and he needs rocking to sleep, will sleep for 2 hours and then refuses to sleep unless cuddled in bed with me which is leading to not a lot of sleep for me!!

I tried it when he first woke up yesterday and he took 2 hours to fall asleep so I was too exhausted by the time he woke up to bother doing it again, but I really need him to start sleeping better before I lose my mind 😴

Put him down for bed 40 minutes ago and he's still wailing. I know it can take a while for them to learn and this is only really the first proper night, I just want to make sure I'm doing everything right and not upsetting him unnecessarily if I'm not following it correctly.

He doesn't get reassured at all by me going in, just continues crying because I won't pick him up. So how long do I stay there reassuring him? Do I pick him up to calm him and then put him back in his cot?

Also, anyone who this has worked for, did you do the same thing for nap times?

Any other thoughts I'm all ears! Desperate to help him sleep without relying on me holding him to do so.

Look into co sleeping, and keep trying to put him in his cot, because eventually he will. I usually end up co sleeping at 3am cos he won't go back down. It's perfectly safe and great for both of you

I did Feber for naps at 4/5 months. Took about a month and eventually ended with CiO. It worked for us. She’s 16 months now and sleeps like a dream 6-6. Naps well. Goes to sleep herself.

it was hard to do Ferber. Check in’s wound her up but I’d do them to make myself feel better. Was in there 30 seconds just soothing.

then she got it. But it took a while as I kept breaking the process and confusing her. Stay consistent.

it’s the best and I mean the best thing I’ve ever done for my child. She sleeps so well and is a happy, lovely little girl thriving.

just my experience. To each their own!

We read the baby sleep solution, by Lucy Wolfe and found it helpful. It's a 'stay and support' method and has some good suggestions for how to support them while they learn to fall asleep in the cot, without needing to leave them to cry

Leaving your baby to cry for 40 mins?! I feel stressed at a hint of a cry!
With my first, I read that all this does is teach them no one will come when they cry.
I also read, as adults l, we prefert to sleep with our partners. Why do we expect our babies to sleep alone?
It's hard, I get it. Sleep deprivation is bloody awful but they are tiny babies and they are letting you know they need you, even if it is just to be near you and be safe.

Poor baby 💔

If you’re having to spend chucks of time during the night comforting him, it’s not his ability to self soothe that’s keeping him awake, it’s something else. Are you sure he’s not teething? Something isn’t agreeing with him?

honestly he’s not even six months yet. If he stops crying if you pick him up it’s either his cot he doesn’t like (some are really uncomfortable) or he just wants his momma.

Thank you for the recommendations, I'll give the book a read! He used to sleep okay with co-sleeping, but recently he's just waking constantly. If he falls asleep in his cot he'll sleep for a couple of hours at a time, but in bed he's up every half an hour and after about 4am it's every few minutes until we get up and are both exhausted.

Definitely don't feel you need to co-sleep! I know it's very much back in trend at the moment, along with every variation on attachment/natural parenting, but it's almost certainly not the way to go for best sleep long-term, so unless you feel strongly in favour, sounds like not what you want at the moment.

I really feel for you with the sleep deprivation - and he probably isn't getting enough sleep either! So I hope you don't feel judged for trying any form of sleep training. It's well worth doing: find a method you're happy with and stick with it. More sleep for you and baby has tons of benefits for both and there is no evidence sleep training does harm.

Good luck, stay strong, you'll get there!!

I did the Ferber method with my daughter and she would sleep on her own for about the first 6 hours of the night but then wanted cuddled beside me for the last 5 hours. It gradually got shorter and shorter until she slept through in her crib. It took maybe three days or so of crying before bed and then went down to 5/10 mins of “fussing” and then she stopped crying at all before sleeping and would just turn herself over. Middle of the night was different hence why I would have her in beside me for longer. “Sleep training” didn’t work at all for naps for her so I didn’t push it, even with all the normal advice. I know other parents who did not do this method but their babies went to sleep much much easier. Also I have a few friends who said they didn’t let their babies cry at all but I have seen myself that their babies 100% cry before falling asleep but the mum will call it “fussing” instead. I think it all depends on mum and baby.

The statistics on this are skewed by the inclusion of people who were practicing UNSAFE co sleeping. Research has shown that provided the safe seven guidelines by the lullaby trust are followed then cosleeping either as a breastfeeding (or indeed non breastfeeding) mother can be as if not more safe than leaving your baby to sleep alone in a crib.
i recommend looking into the happy cosleeper on Instagram for more information.
even proponents of the Ferber method don’t recommend for babies under 6 months of age. Research has shown to that babies experience such high levels of cortisol spikes they more so pass out than fall asleep. 40 minutes for your poor baby is just heartbreaking

This is untrue.

In our case our daughter cried for hours if we tried to soothe her. She cried/ whimpered for 5 minutes if we didn’t. Sometimes babies cry because they are tired. They aren’t crying out for their parents.

That sounds a little different to just abandoning baby