Please help with 4 year old sleep :(

[NeyNey2021]

Middle of night rant!

4 year old here. Never been a great sleeper. My second sleeps better then her, even when teething and she's 1.
No naps. 2 night lights in her room. Plus sensor night lights in her corridor outside of her room. White noise plays all night.
Snack before bed is usually banana and milk.
No tv about an hour before bed.
Uses toilet by herself in night and will ask to be tucked in when she's finished.
Consistent bedtime with sister around 730pm.
Always woken at 7am, even after a bad night's sleep 💤 😴 she's usually awake from 630am 💤 😴
Has a grow clock.
Wants to sleep in our bed. Never co slept with her.
Her reasons when she crys is

• my throat hurts
• I don't know.
• I love you.
• I can't sleep.

We tried the calm and collective approach. We tried rewards. We tried negative reinforcement if she doesn't sleep.

Lots of exercise during the day. Today was.... well yesterday. Garden play. Park. 3 shops we had to go to. Nannies.

She's literally just come into our room again. 8th time since 2am. Said she had a and bad dream. Reassured. Cuddle. But also strict and said it's bedtime.

Nothing is working. I literally can't cope with anymore. I go to sleep at 930pm as it is.

I check her up to 4 times of an evening. Per her request. Even that is not really working as she starting to whinge before i get there. She's usually asleep by time I check her on the 3rd time.

She says she scared of the dark. I mean I'm scared of the dark now, I'm 38 years old. But she has been reassured, given special soft toys. Night lights and such. Torch. I'm at a loss.

I feel I have done everything in the book except give her a shot of whisky or perhaps duck tape her 🥴

Any advise js truly welcomed. Thank you

Now we are up again as we need a wee 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

And again 💤 😴
Must admit I lost my temper and shouted this time. Rarely raise my voice at her 😬

It's so hard isn't it. Can you try a week of supernanny style just take the hand and lead back to bed with no speaking. Nothing unkind, but no real reward either. And a sticker chart - in week one if she can keep it under 5 wake ups she gets a sticker, gradually working up to week 6 and no coming in, with a small prize each week if she's got enough, and a big one at the end. We used to offer a kinder egg if there were no night time wake ups for one bad sleeper - I think only one kinder egg was ever achieved before age 5!!

Another thing to consider if you have space is a small mattress and blanket next to your bed on the floor. She's allowed to creep in and sleep on there is she needs to, but no talking or fussing or it'll get put away.

Ah, mine was exactly the same. He’s 22 now…and still sleeps very badly. I think he has ADHD so his mind is whirring. Sorry I can’t offer any hope.

I think you need to reduce engagement with it, including the going to bed routine. Stop checking her - you don’t need to. Have a conversation with her in the daytime and create a solutions list that covers what would help her feel safe when going to sleep without you going in, and what she can do if she wakes up to get back to sleep. Coming into your room isn’t an option that can go on the list. If/when she does get up at bedtime or in the night do as pp said and just walk her back to bed calmly. No talking, no engagement whatsoever. Complete silence, back to bed, tuck in, leave her rooms. She keeps doing it because she’s getting attention from it and you need to break the cycle. Appreciate easier said than done but I’m not sure what else you can do at this age. You’ll need to be completely consistent and expect it may take more than a few days.

You keep engaging so she keeps coming thru...sounds way to much going on in her room aswell..we have twin 4 and 3 year olds and they all sleep in there own rooms, no lights,noise etc all that stopped from age 2..they go bed around 6:6:30 and wake around 7:30-8:30am, they get one cup of water each for the night a non spill cup and thats it. 10 mins before bed they get a biscuit,yogurt and cup of milk each for supper..no day naps. The girls did play up a little more around age 2 took a few nights of just walking them back to bed but other than that stay firm, don't let them mess you about 🙂 or they just monkey about the boys weren't a problem they knew when mummy said stay in there own bed I meant it..Think the girls it was a separation thing but they got over it after a few nights ☺️

Thank you so much everyone.

I have read them all and all super helpful. The kinder egg idea is a good idea! There's a few things I could encourage her with.
Super nanny style sounds good. But what do I do if she's whines and whinges ? And doesn't get out of bed?

Today is a long day of whining. No tablet nor TV today, some consequences for sleeping so bad. She can play with her toys and such. Feel such a bad parent to be so strict with her. Sunday is our stay at home fun day 😆 it's not fun today and she's struggling with that x