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Original poster

2 year old won't settle at bedtime

13 replies

Bluepenguin2 · 23/04/2025 20:36

Can anyone help me please? My daughter turned 2 in January. At bedtime the last few weeks she just WILL NOT go to sleep. We've started limiting her naps to 1 hour but it hasn't really made a difference.

So typical day should look something like this:

Wake 7-7:30
Nap 12:30 - 1:30
Bed 8-8:30

However, she cries like mad if we try to leave the room, but if we're in the room she just constantly plays and tries to chat - no matter how much we ignore her. It's frequently almost 10pm before she finally settles and that's only when we've had enough and leave her to cry. Feels absolutely rotten leaving her to get upset but it seems to be the only way she can actually get to sleep? This doesn't seem right or healthy, really.

We've tried night light, star projector, quiet music, leaving fidget toys and books in bed with her to occupy while she falls asleep - nothing seems to help.

Bedtime routine is a pretty consistent wee, pyjamas, brush teeth, into bed for stories and songs. We don't bath every night as she hates it a lot of the time so it doesn't help calm her.

What are we doing wrong?

OP posts:
lwal · 23/04/2025 20:41

There’s a lot developmentally happening at 2. Maybe it could be that? Hoping for you that it’s a phase that will pass. My 3yo goes through similar phases x

NuffSaidSam · 23/04/2025 20:44

She's either not tired in which case you need to drop the nap completely or increase activity between nap and bedtime or something has happened to prompt this and it's time to change-up the bedtime routine to create new associations.

I'd try whichever one works best for your schedule and see if that fixes it. If not, try another one!

Timeforsnacks · 23/04/2025 20:46

It's normally a sign they're ready to drop the nap

SusieSheepie · 23/04/2025 20:47

Cut the nap completely.

Brentinger · 23/04/2025 20:49

Not sure it would solve the problem to drop the nap - way too young and she'll be even harder to settle, not to mention grouchy all evening.
It's a normal developmental stage for them with a lot going on and will pass!

hopethishelps12 · 23/04/2025 20:49

Drop the nap (and bring bedtime forward an hour or so). From the person who only figured this out after 3 months of 2+ hour bedtimes

Original poster
Bluepenguin2 · 23/04/2025 21:37

I've thought about dropping the nap - she can manage without it some days - but she still falls asleep easily at nap time and gets very over tired by bedtime if she doesn't nap. I don't think she's ready yet, she's only 2 & 3 months, but it really is causing havoc. Maybe I'll try naps on alternate days for a bit.

I just feel awful that she gets so upset. It's definitely not a lack of tiredness, I left the room at 8:30 tonight as she was messing about, she got VERY upset for a few minutes then crashed. I think she's almost trying anything she can to stay awake.

Hoping it's just a phase as some of you have said, it's very wearing.

Thanks for your responses.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluepenguin2 · 23/04/2025 21:38

NuffSaidSam · 23/04/2025 20:44

She's either not tired in which case you need to drop the nap completely or increase activity between nap and bedtime or something has happened to prompt this and it's time to change-up the bedtime routine to create new associations.

I'd try whichever one works best for your schedule and see if that fixes it. If not, try another one!

I can't think of anything having happened to prompt it, but it's not a bad suggestion to try shaking up the bedtime routine, I'll have a think how we could do that.

Also maybe some role playing bedtime during the day might help?

OP posts:
PlanetOtter · 23/04/2025 21:54

Similar here (DD is just 2 and definitely not ready to drop the nap). In the last couple of weeks I’ve figured out something that works for us - I do the whole bedtime routine, then put her in the cot with a pile of books and teddies. Tell her I’m going to tidy up, and I leave the door open (that bit seems to be crucial, so there’s no ‘finality’ of a door clicking shut behind me).

She arses about in her cot perfectly happily for up to a hour, then settles down to sleep. So her routine is similar to before, but I’m downstairs eating my dinner not growing deeply frustrated in her room!

Original poster
Bluepenguin2 · 23/04/2025 21:56

@planetotter that's a really good suggestion, thanks! The frustration being stuck in her room is real when you get so little downtime! I'll try it tomorrow.

OP posts:
thenightfeed · 23/04/2025 22:10

Our 2 year old went through a phase of this. We spent a few days explaining to him the upcoming plan- this seemed to help a lot. So for. 2 more nights we sat with him until he went to sleep (as we had been and as he wanted), 2 nights stood at the doorway of his room reassuring him we were still there if he asked, 2 nights the other side of his door, 2 nights sitting in the room next door. if he asked we just said ‘mummy is here, go to sleep, love you’
Then after that he just started to fall asleep when we left the room.
Most 2 year olds aren’t truly ready to drop the nap and a phase like this is completely normal.

Original poster
Bluepenguin2 · 24/04/2025 22:15

PlanetOtter · 23/04/2025 21:54

Similar here (DD is just 2 and definitely not ready to drop the nap). In the last couple of weeks I’ve figured out something that works for us - I do the whole bedtime routine, then put her in the cot with a pile of books and teddies. Tell her I’m going to tidy up, and I leave the door open (that bit seems to be crucial, so there’s no ‘finality’ of a door clicking shut behind me).

She arses about in her cot perfectly happily for up to a hour, then settles down to sleep. So her routine is similar to before, but I’m downstairs eating my dinner not growing deeply frustrated in her room!

Just want to say thank you for this suggestion, I left the door open tonight and we pottered around for a few minutes outside her room and she went to sleep by herself with NO crying 👏

Now hoping it's not just a one off!

OP posts:
PlanetOtter · 24/04/2025 22:35

@Bluepenguin2 Yay!! Good luck!!

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