7 year old night wakings-any help?

[Mumoftoddler2]

I’m not sure if I’m posting in the right area as my daughter is 7 years old but for the last 4 months she’s been waking in the night. Most nights she’ll wake twice and on the 2nd waking will struggle to fall back to sleep.She’s slept through the night only twice since before Xmas. Nothing has changed-no significant changes in our lives, consistent home life-mum, dad, older brother.
we have a consistent routine, my kids have always had minimal screen time and we have tried the following:
-magnesium supplements
-melatonin gummies
-sleep sprays etc
-weighted blanket
-sleep stickers from Amazon
-little vibrating sleep aid
-sleep stories
-guided meditation
-white noise
-sitting with her/not sitting with her/having her come and sleep on the floor on a cushion in our room
-reward/consequences for sleeping through the night

she’s most likely suffering with anxiety and struggles to verbalise this during the day so we have also tried a journal and support from school. She’s on a waiting list for support from a therapist for anxiety. I have seen GP twice, 1st time gave me some advice and told me to keep a diary, 2nd time told me to just sleep with her and she’ll probably be anxious til she’s a teen.

she is tired during the day but doesn’t nap
and won’t fall asleep in the car etc. I have some concerns about adhd or asd due to some behaviours being displayed but I am not sure if these are just down to chronic tiredness. I am exhausted and it’s a very tricky place to be right now.

is there anything else we could try? I’m guessing not and we just need to ride it out as she needs us to be close right now but even some moral support would be handy as I’m starting to waver!

Sorry to hear this OP does she say why she's woken up is there something specific she says she's anxious about it is it a general unsettled feeling? I'm sure you've ruled out hunger, thirst, toilet, heat?

She generally says she’s scared of something (sometimes just that she’s “scared”). It’s definitely not hungry, thirst, wee, temperature etc

Does she sleep when you sleep with her or does she still struggle to sleep even with you there? If you think about that you should be able to determine if it is separation anxiety or something else.

when she wakes what is she thinking? Try asking her if she is worried that she won’t be able to get back to sleep again. Does she get stressed that she isn’t asleep and will be tired in the morning.

when she says she is scared can she be more specific about what she is scared of? Try making some suggestions and see what she comes up with.

does she always wake at the same time? Or after the same amount of sleep? I.e. is it after 45 mins? So is she between sleep cycles or is it random?

Don’t do negative consequences, as that will add to
anxiety and contribute to insomnia. Hopefully that’s not what you meant by consequences. I also don’t think rewards work well either. This isn’t something she’s doing on purpose — she needs support here, not behaviour management.

Btw I know you’ve also tried loads of supportive things, just explaining why I’d ditch rewards etc.

What about putting on a low volume audiobook when she wakes? Many people drift off to podcasts. Tell her no pressure, she doesn’t have to sleep, she can just rest. That may help her drift off… maybe. Lower the sleep expectation to help reduce the stress.

Btw I know you’ve also tried loads of supportive things, just explaining why I’d ditch rewards etc.

What about putting on a low volume audiobook when she wakes? Many people drift off to podcasts. Tell her no pressure, she doesn’t have to sleep, she can just rest. That may help her drift off… maybe. Lower the sleep expectation to help reduce the stress.

Btw I know you’ve also tried loads of supportive things, just explaining why I’d ditch rewards etc.

What about putting on a low volume audiobook when she wakes? Many people drift off to podcasts. Tell her no pressure, she doesn’t have to sleep, she can just rest. That may help her drift off… maybe. Lower the sleep expectation to help reduce the stress.

This is so true!

I don’t mean consequences as in punishments, just conversations around something like..you’re clearly too tired to stay up late with sibling because you didn’t sleep last night or Mummy is too tired to drive to x today because it’s not safe for me to drive.
we’ve tried audiobooks and sleep stories on the Alexa in her room, she’s always fallen asleep to “classical sleep music” for the last 12 months or so. I have tried leaving this on quiet all night and it doesn’t help.
when she wakes she struggles to sleep even with me there, it can take a couple of hours, even if she comes to sleep in our room, she doesn't settle sooner. I have been away for a weekend and it didn’t make any difference, I also sleep in my oldest child’s room some nights to catch up on sleep and my husband deals with 7 year old waking-it’s exactly the same then and she’s not screaming for me so it’s not “mummy anxiety” as it were. She often wakes once between 10pm and midnight then again anytime from 2am-the first wake up is often a quick cuddle and back to sleep whilst I sit in her room or stand at the door but the second wake up is the one that takes a much longer time for her to settle.

All the things you have tried help, but there isn’t a single solution. As a 40 something with sleep issues, I find you fall in and out of good patterns and are regularly having to reevaluate and adapt. Keeping it as low stress as possible is key - a bad night sleep is one thing, but anxiety over sleep is something else.

one of my dc is a terrible sleep er as well. We are constantly adapting, but in general we try to get them asleep in their own bed and then have a policy that whatever maximises sleep for everyone in the middle of the night is acceptable. For stretches that might mean dc coming to my bed or it might mean playing her music / audiobook .

keep a perspective on what you can control and what you cannot. I find it helpful to contemplate that time spent resting in bed awake is still rest, even if sleep would be better. I cannot make myself sleep, but I can make myself rest.

A bit of positive talking on relaxing can be good, highlighting how cosy her bed is, how lovely it is to wake and realise you have time to cuddle into your quilt and doze. Enjoying dozing helps with sleep.
We used to 'debrief' before bed and 'imaginarily' throw our worries out the window. She may also be a night owl (plenty of us about).

my DD1 who is 24 now (and has AuDHD) used to struggle and now that she is an adult was able to explain to me that much of her anxiety stemmed from being told to “go to sleep” but not knowing her to do it. She had typical AuDHD perfectionist tendencies and was anxious that she was doing something wrong but she did not know HOW to go to sleep and she assumed everyone knew the method and she had somehow failed to learn a crucial lesson.
We concentrated on bedtime behaviour. We’re not in charge of how we feel or when we drop off but we are in charge of whether our eyes are closed or whether our head is on the pillow. Sleep stories did help my DD because they helped her quiet her thoughts and we stressed the benefits of resting quietly even when you can’t sleep.

This is so relatable to me right now, did you get any help from your GP? How are you doing now?